left out of mothers will

You're right mumofmadboys. It shouldn't be a reward for services rendered. It should be the decision of the person making the will, because that's what they want to do with their property. There shouldn't be any influence from any family members.

I dont think leaving money should be related to who does the most care. We care for elderly parents because we want to, not for a monetary reward.

My mum and her brother fell out when I was a child. Mum had looked after their parents, my uncle lived hundreds of miles away and couldn't.

My grandparents left their house to my mum, and the contents to my uncle. My uncle was very upset about this. Eventually, when I got married and went to visit him on the way home from my honeymoon, they sorted out their problems and a good relationship was restored, my uncle realising that Mum had earned the house for the caring she had done.

We all visited each other quite often after that.

My FiL left his house and money to be divided equally, even though DH and I did most of his care, DH's sister doing what she could from a distance and his brother doing very little despite being local.

If she had lived in Scotland you could claim against the will despite her wishes . You can claim against the movable estate so not a house but money , shares etc.. This is sometimes fair and sometimes unfait . My uncle left all his money to one son for a good reason but his two siblings put in a claim and got their share . This caused extra costs because of solisitor's fees and was not what my uncle wanted.

Sunny beam, I’m so sorry for the pain that this is causing you. Have you thought of finding a psychodynamic counsellor to help you to move on from the pain that your mother has caused and is causing now? I have found such a counsellor to be a godsend. With work, they could help you to reduce your pain now and also help you in the future, when your mum dies.

It isn’t a matter of choice it’s the law!
Sorry pressed too soon

Spec1alk you have to do what it states in your Fathers will, not want anyone else wants!

We had a will from Dad that left everything shared equally between the three children and I was the executor. My brother had caused difficulties with the family all his life and my sister wanted me to not give him his allotted one third share. I explained that it was my responsibility to do what Dad wanted. And I did. My brother accused me of not giving him his fair share and my sister accused me of not sharing the money between the two of us who cared for mum and dad till their death. It was terrible!

I don't know which is worse, dying and leaving a Will or dying Intestate. Both can be battlefields at such a sad time. So sad

My much older brother was always a cause of problems for my parents. Often he would disappear, sometimes for years at the time, usually soon after he had borrowed money from them. My Mother, just before she died, actually asked my Dad to try to keep some sort of relationship with their son. And, my Dad really did try.
For a couple of months after Mums death, he and my brother were often together. Then came the inevitable request, My brother needed some money to set up his latest harebrain idea. Dad was a retired working man, never owned any property - but he and Mum had been careful and had a small amount of savings. Against his own better judgement, he made a 'loan', and within a couple of days my brother did one of his disappearing acts.
It was eleven years before he re-appeared that time, and during those years my Dad died and his will left everything to me. Now this was not a lot (as I said, no property), but a few thousand pounds..
When my brother re-appeared sometime later - I never ever mentioned this money or will. He only re-appeared as his latest partner had recently died and he was lonely.
Just writing this as there are two sides to these stories about just one sibling being left things by parents.

Thank you so much everybody that answered in my hour of need. I have read every reply and they have really helped. My husbands job moved us to another part of the country where we raised our family and are still helping with childcare so my help to my parents was far more minimal. It would be more the times of real need rather than everyday. I think I could of accepted a lesser amount of inheritance with this in mind but its the unfairness of it all that one out of three sisters in effect will be left half a million pounds while the other two get a couple of hundred ponds and a handbag of no value (I sure the intention what so that we cannot make a claim). The result has been the family is left fractured with the upset of it all. BUT, the reason I wrote was how can I learn accept and move on as it was spoiling every day. Maybe the answer is time and appreciating what I have already good health and my own kids and I are close, Thank you again as writing it down and reading replies has helped.

Mr. S.'s mum died last week, his sister is the sole executor but as he's one of the benefactors, a copy of the will was sent to him by the appointed solicitor.

G1asgowgal, I know that Scottish Law is different in some aspects so this might not apply. However, when I was sole executor of a will I had to offer every beneficiary the opportunity to see the will. Unless the law is different, that would mean that your husband, even as a minor beneficiary, can see the will.

I understand how you feel Sunnybean60
My husbands father left him very little his sister is the sole executor so he was not entitled to see the will. She is also the main beneficiary.
We are in Scotland and here you cannot completely disinherited your children from your will. They are entitled to a percentage of the moveable assets. ie money cars etc.
My husband saw his father every day. And it hurts him so much that his father changed his will to do this. Completely unbeknown to him. His sister took him to the lawyer.
It’s not the money it’s the principle. This has ended any relationship he every had with his sister. Which to be honest is not bad thing but oh my how it hurts.

Some errors. Sorry.

If the situation between you and your younger sister doesn’t improve there’s nothing you can do. I’m really sorry

If the situation between you and the younger sister improves there’s nothing you can do. I’m really sorry

However, if you get on really friendly terms with her before your mother dies, you can agree to change the terms of the will. All would have to sign a Deed of Variation.

We did this a few years ago.

My sister got everything, she was very conniving, I walked away, I feel no bitterness, as I do not want it to sour my life.

After my FIL died I had to deal with all his papers and found that he was in the middle of changing his will so no money went to us - at the suggestion of his daughter, who wanted it all to go to the grandchildren. She thought we would not need it as we were rich......I wish!

I would not have minded if she had consulted us - we would have agreed. But for her to do this behind our backs felt underhand.

Wills can be divisive things.

you move on for your own mental health. Yes I experienced similar. You have to put it down and walk away. Its hard but you can do it.

If the caring sister gets the money that is reasonable, it may be that some care has to be paid for or maybe extended care home fees. In that case even a “vast amount” gets depleted quickly, there are many disfunctional families you are not alone.
Quite often its the caring relative that gets disinherited by a spiteful parent

Revolucion

It’s so very tough when your parents were not the parents that you wanted and needed them to be. It’s normal to grieve for the loving and nurturing relationship with your mother that you missed out on.

I think it’s good that you know about the will now though rather than it coming as a shock after your mother’s death.

Good post Revolucion

Your brother sounds just like mine,a true gent grannyactivist.

It’s so very tough when your parents were not the parents that you wanted and needed them to be. It’s normal to grieve for the loving and nurturing relationship with your mother that you missed out on.

I think it’s good that you know about the will now though rather than it coming as a shock after your mother’s death.

There are three points here I think. (1) the inheritance is not just from your Mother, presumably at least some of it was jointly owned by your later Father and then your Mother inherited it, whether this helps or not I don't know, but I always think it unfair that the surviving parent has the say on all of it. My parents' wills both had each other to inherit and then pass on, as mutually agreed to children and grandchildren. (2) Your younger sister may be getting a bad deal here, if your Mother is as manipulative and divisive as she sounds, then she will dangle this inheritance in front of your youngest sister and probably make her life a misery, she may pay a very high price. (3) if there is any suggestion that your youngest sister is manipulating decisions regarding inheritance, is an executor and sole beneficiary, there could be a court case, if you feel you have the energy.

What a terrible situation .

I have six surviving siblings. When our mother dies we fully expect, and hope, that our mother will have made a will leaving her estate (such as it is) to our youngest brother who gave up his job to move in with her and has been her career for about four years now. If she has not (she hates to talk about death) then I shall certainly pass over my portion to him and I am certain my sisters would do the same.

I have every sympathy for people who have reason to feel they have been cheated, especially through connivance etc., but I strongly believe that inheritance should never be an expectation for an adult child. If there is no expectation then there can be no anguish or disappointment.