Childless and changed.

I'm child free - never had that maternal urge. To be honest I'm not too keen on babies - give me a puppy or kitten any day. However, I do like children (once they start to walk and talk) and have always got on well with them. Possibly because I don't fuss them? When friends' children were young I often baby sat, or took them to the cinema. Now most of those children have children of their own and I always inquire after them and ask to see photos - it's a friendly thing to do.

I do have difficulties in remembering the GCs names sometimes but they are spread over the country and so don't see them that often. And there are so many. Say we have 10 couples who are good friends. They each have 2 children (sometimes more) Those children also have 2 children - could be 40 young people whose names are to be remembered. Difficult as one gets older.

Most of our friends recognised years ago that we are not that interested, apart from two couples. One, with their daughter, as soon as we arrived would show us all her artwork and then demonstrate her abilities with flashcards. The other couple, this time with their grandson, would watch on Skype him eat his tea - every day. Even if we were there for supper. Too much I'm afraid.

As regards telling parents what to do - being on the outside as an observer is quite interesting because when you're inside a family you don't always notice the dynamics.

Having just read this again I'm surprised at anybody who expects child free friends to remember everyone of their friends GCs. (as per my mathematical example above)

I have no idea if your friend has regrets, but it's perfectly possible that, as she chose not to have children herself, other people's children/grandchildren hold no interest for her.

One of my 'childless by choice' friends has no interest in children at all, but has an extremely warm relationship with her adult niece and often mentions her in conversation. Some of my friends talk about their children/grandchildren and others rarely do. I know that whenever I've had a grandchild in hospital my friends rally round with supportive calls etc., but in the normal course of events we wouldn't spend much time chatting about our offspring.

Truthfully your friend is probably bored rather than wishing she had grandchildren. Hearing about other people's grandchildren isn't all that interesting really. I get bored witless if anyone wants to talk about their dog.

My longest lasting and best friend is the biggest bore I know - and she isn't even a grandmother but a doting great aunt, she is well off and has been very generous in helping her niece and family through very difficult times and the whole family are close, but at times I feel like taking her tablet from her and hurling it out of the window as she talks endlessly about the children how clever, cute, exceptional they are.

Am I tempted to do the same? - I do not get a chance.

I could talk all day about my cats. ? I recently had a visit to the dental hygienist where were were discussing our cats (well, her more than me, as I was the victim…I mean…patient).

The nurse had to leave the room for something and when she came back she looked at us and said ‘Are you two STILL talking about cats?’ YES! we chorused back at her! .

*Dinahmo I sometimes tease my younger daughter, whom I had late in life, that if I'd discovered horses and dogs before I had children, she wouldn't be here. To which she always replies that she wouldn't be here if my contraception hadn't let me down! It is, of course, in jest but I can talk about my horses and dogs all day and all night, fortunately I have many friends who are the same so we keep the talk to ourselves (mainly).

Any subject can be tedious if you have no interest in it whether it's GCs, cars, golf etc. I can be interested in most things if the topic doesn't take over the whole conversation.

I would imagine most of us reach a point where many things become a bit, well boring I suppose. We tread the same mill every day in many ways. As someone said, ( Ricky Gervais?), “ same sh.t, different day”.
It could be she’s in that groove as it were. Not necessarily regretting anything, but can’t do things like she used to anymore.
I agree with someone up thread. I find I’m not really interested in other peoples children/grandchildren past a certain point. My own are enough!!

I sympathise with your friend, I politely listen as friends update me on their children's lives, new jobs etc., and we all do the same over lunch, but then when the chat about grandchildren starts I do get bored. Is this all these intelligent, challenging, articulate people with careers and interesting lives can talk about?

My ( childless ) sister outdoes me in talking and boasting about my grandchildren ! I am not allowed to talk about them , she takes over , so thank your lucky stars that doesn’t happen in your circle .
Sometimes I think they are hers !

Do any of you feel that she now has regrets about not having children?
Um , no.
Ten years worth of grandchildren and she is still supposed to be asking after them?
I would think she is thanking her lucky stars she followed her own path.

I hope I talk football with football mates, dogs with dog-walking friends, and DGC with other grans. I occasionally will have one who will ask outside their 'sphere', and obviously will respond accordingly, but I don't bring it up.
Yes I have childless friends (deliberate, medical and don't know as it's none of my business). The only time we'd discuss family is in reply to 'what've you been doing lately?'.
Do they have regrets? Do any of us regret not getting that job, buying that house, moving to that area, marrying or not marrying that man? Maybe in passing but no more than that.

Why would she regret her choice? Probably just doesn’t like the smug comments and implied nar ne nars she gets from her so called ‘friends’.

I too am childless by choice, and like Dinahmo I much prefer anything with either four legs, fur or feathers. Children interest me about as much as the colour of your wallpaper, and I too zone out when friends are talking about their kids and grandchildren. And I really don't like human babies, any other species yes, but not human ones.

I don't think she's regretting not having any, I think she's just, like the rest of us, getting older.

OP, maybe you tend to make assumptions.
you assumed that people reading this will be parents.
the opening banner on GN, states it is aimed at those over 50.
and in fact many younger people read and contribute.
some GPs speak like those hideous round-robin xmas letters, full of smug statements about their family's achievements.
it's bad enough having to read them, without having to pretend interest/admiration too, which would be expected in person.

I like hearing about grandchildren, and children’s achievements. Far more interesting than people who talk about themselves. I once timed a friend on the phone. She talked for 20 solid minutes about herself before any other subject was allowed. I don’t know anything about her grandchildren because she isn’t interested in them. She’s not really interested in her children, either.

Can I pass my neighbour your number, please?
That way she can update you 4-5 times a day with the latest thrilling installment, and she may use my lanlldline so you get 59 mins free.

cornishpatsy

Other peoples grandchildren are often a boring subject even when you have your own.

I agree.

Welbeck Have you read Simon Hoggart's Christmas columns (either in the Guardian or the Observer) where he included a selection of round robin letters? They were hilarious (IMO) and can be bought in book form.

I don't know whether that lady has any regrets or not. Maybe she does, inwardly, but doesn't want to talk about it. Hearing about other people's family can be boring.
I have thoroughly enjoyed being a grandparent but have always thought we should never make them the centre of our lives.

Your friend probably feels your lives have taken such different paths that you no longer have a lot in common?

I have a lovely friend who definitely didn't want grandchildren, mine arrived and years went by, I mentioned mine very little as I knew she wasn't interested. Low and behold out of the blue she now has three and talks about them morning, noon and night - what can you do

On the subject of regrets, I once asked a child free friend if she had any regrets now she was older.

Yes she said. I should have taken up tennis earlier.

She meant it.

When people (me) think others have regrets about not having children were only thinking about what we would regret.

Maggiemaybe

I don't discuss my adorable and fascinating grandsons in company unless I'm specifically asked about them. But I don't find someone talking about their family any more or less boring than someone going on at length about their hobbies - bowling, gardening, golf - or the holiday they've just been on, their new kitchen, or the dream they had last night. Even someone with the most exotic and fascinating lifestyle starts to pall pretty quickly if they go on and on about it and aren't interested in what anyone else has to say. A bore's a bore, and the topic's immaterial really.

I do think you make a good point Maggiemaybe

Her advice to us all on parenting was
‘Well I’ve observed you all over the years so I consider myself an expert now although many of you do it so badly’! And to reiterate we very seldom talk about our children/grandchildren. I saw in TV a hospital series last year on heart surgery, perhaps I could perform a by pass now!