Being a Nanna

No. I adore my grandchildren but my own children are in my heart, forever first.
Just a little bit of tactfulness is needed to make sure we don't overwhelm grandchildren. It can lead to trouble.

Well, no. I don't feel in the least possessive about any of my GC. They are all separate people and I have always treated them as such. My first DGD has always been special because of circumstances I needn't go into, but she has grown up as a wonderful, friendly and caring adult who has her own life and I am so proud of the woman she is. The others are still teenagers and my relationship with each of them is different, because they are different people in their own right. My two adult sons who love and protect me are the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me.

Nope, I love them to bits, I think they are all beautiful, but not the same as the love I have for my own children, our grandchildren are the extension of our children THEIR children, we love to hear and see how our AC are raising them but never forget or overstep boundaries regarding how they are brought up, will say they are doing great, so we are happy as they are,

Are you saying your love for your own child/ren has boundaries, Barberty?

This topic has been discussed before on GN and I chatted with my dd about it at the time. She said that it’s something that today’s mothers are well aware of and the general consensus of opinion is that it is creepy.

I understand the overwhelming love, although it very much a one step back relationship and not the same as being a mother. No one can tell you not to love your grandchildren the way you do, we are all different, However unless you are put in a position to become their parent, and it does happen, circumstances have made that the case with a few posters on GN. At the moment I'm thinking in particular, having read about them at the moment, of the parents of the young woman murdered by her husband in Greece who have won full custody of their grand daughter, those grandparents will step in and become the parents, extraordinary heart breaking circumstances and I'm inclined to think when grandparents do take on that role some sort of trauma has occurred. I'm kind of agreeing with Sue Donin though, I think there is a great resentment among young mothers, and I understand why, when mothers/fathers or in laws, try and usurp their position. Clearly they aren't yours and really it's irrational and unreasonable to think they are. We've all had our shot at motherhood, it's time to stand back and reap the rewards of an entirely different and sometimes less stressful a relationship imo.

I don't understand it, no.
Maybe I am not overly maternal. I loved my own DC with a passion and ofcourse the hormones kick in when they are born with the overpowering desire to protect/nurture/feed/adore.

I love and admire my DGC and would protect them from harm with my life but without the day to day responsibility, I am a step apart. Like others have said I delight in seeing my DC become such great parents.

I have a life of my own now which doesn't involve any of them much.

I adore my daughter’s children, but they each have their own personalities and their lives to lead. I am less involved with my son’s children, so that is a different kind of relationship.
I think I was not a great mum, very inexperienced, but now I have a really good relationship with my daughter, who is a great mum. There are clear boundaries at every level, and I could never imagine blurring them.

Exactly how I feel Grammaretto

Barberty, I love my grandchildren, like to see them, but no, I'm not 'in love' and have no wish to look after them either.

They can come and stay, of course, (when old enough) for a few days but there's no special treatments, outings or trips.

They can join in with what I'm doing - or just amuse themselves. My daughter says I'm like the grandmother in 'Motherland' ('Will you babysit?' 'No' 'Unbelieveable!')

A woman after my own heart, ,Hetty

i read MN too, and one of the recurring themes is the over-invested GM, usually, but not always a MIL.
the mothers do indeed see it as creepy, to say the least, and the clashing expectations can cause much angst to new parents.

I always do my best to look after my GC according to my children’s rules wish but my dd makes it quite difficult. I ask her what she wants me to do regarding XYZ with her DD but she always replies ‘Just do what you think best - you brought me up and I turned out alright!’ ?

I actually feel sorry for all these grandmothers whose whole lives centre round their grandchildren, to the exclusion of everything else.

It seems to me they do this because they have little else in their lives to be wrapped up in.

I have always been fortunate to have always had other interests in my life that I kept doing when my children were small, but in an attenuated fashion, but can now devote more time and effort to. It has been a godsend because our graandchildren live too far away for us to have day to day involvement. We see them regularly (or we did before COVID).

I love having my GC come to visit me; we always have lots of fun and do interesting things together that their parents don't have the time to do with them. But I love it when I'm waving them goodbye!

Chewbacca

I love having my GC come to visit me; we always have lots of fun and do interesting things together that their parents don't have the time to do with them. But I love it when I'm waving them goodbye!

Exactly that!

I love my grandchildren, but my daughter has my deepest love,, she’s my child,

god yeh , i adore my grandkids so much, never felt love like it, thought the love i had for my kids couldnt be beat but i agree the love is overwhelming

No. I love them dearly but it doesn’t have same bond as I have for my own children whom I gave birth to.

Sometimes I feel like that but my children are my deepest loves.

Yes, I feel like this- more than my daughter.
But, I was there for her birth and she lived at home where I did all the nightfeeds and shouted at my daughter to get up and take over. (She was low birth weight)
Long story short, she came to live with me at the beginning of lockdown and has lived with me 16months.
She is 3 this week and I'm her special guardian.
I have far more love for her than my own daughter, I suppose I have gotten more maternal as I have grown older.
But gosh I'm exhausted!

My children are the dearest things in life to me, but the love I have for my GC is also so strong that I know I would die for them. It is a different love, but they are the children of my children and consequently are part of me and mean more than I thought possible.

YES Barberty, I feel exactly that. My daughter is a wonderful mother and gave me as much of the grandchildren's time as she was able. Not always to babysit but for weekends and time in the holiday. And th delight was when my grandson was young if he hadn't seen me for a week or so he'd telephone and complain! I agree I felt like they were mine and could never have too much of them. Even when they eldest first and then the younger went to university I suffered as much empty next syndrome as my daughter did.

I love my daughters immensely and I now have a lovely seven month old grandson who makes my heart burst whenever I see him on WhatsApp. I haven’t seen either of my daughters for 19 months and have never met my grandson in person as they are all in Australia and I am in the U.K.
They say absence makes the heart grow stronger and I am not sure if that is true, but I know my heart aches for them.

I love my DGC but not as much as my DSs no . It’s a different kind of relationship isn’t it? I think I always thought I’d be a more involved GM perhaps due to covid or being the paternal side I’m not sure but We’re only quite light touch - meeting from school once a week, occasionally babysitting when it’s getting on for bedtime kind of GPs !

Perhaps it makes a difference if we have played a major role in looking after a grandchild. I have one who lives with me and I spend more time with him than his mum can. Another of my GC I looked after from the age of 8 months, long days from 7 until 5.30. I grieved for that GC when he went to school and I no longer had more than fleeting visits. I know I will be devastated when my live-in GC and mum move on. Those two will be dearest to my heart along with my 3 ACs, I just have a normal granny relationship with all my other GCs. I love them, love to see them and do everything I can for them but it’s not the same.