Hilarybee
I’ve always been unsure as to what passive aggressive behaviour is and this thread as been helpful to understand what it is. Do other gransnetters have different examples of PA behaviour?
P/A behaviour is aggressive without being assertive, so it is finding ways to be unkind, or to gain power without risk.
Examples might be being 'ill' at work when something is happening that you don't want to do.
It might be playing the victim, or saying things as 'jokes' that are intended to hurt. You could then say that the other person was being too sensitive if called on it.
It might be saying things like 'ok, I'll let you have the last word', so taking the last word yourself, as the other person can't reply without looking as though they are being 'difficult'.
Or saying, 'I don't want an argument, it's only my opinion' suggesting that everyone else is saying things that aren't only their opinion, and basically removing their right to disagree.
Or agreeing to do something but never getting round to it, or getting your own back by being late for something that the other person wants to do, or any number of things that are difficult to call on their own, but add up to making things difficult for others, whilst seeming to be the 'nice' one in the relationship or workplace.
It's insidious behaviour, and is usually associated with people who have limited power to just ask for what they want, or state their case upfront (assertive behaviour). Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive - the difference is that assertive people understand that they might not get their own way, and are not willing to bulldoze the other party, but just want to make their position clear to save misunderstanding.