Hurtful comment, never forgotten

Polly7

I'd mention that we all have bits we would like different i'd say to choose a sandal that most suits your foot., I prefer to have a back in mine and Peep toe, and painted nails, some sandals have wide straps etc. embrace those wonderful feet but have carried you around. I hope you get your bunion sorted very painful.

I would never paint my toenails and draw attention to my feet, yes they have served me well they have got me round but I still have very weak ankles flat feet and a bunion and crossover toes. Very fortunately, the bunion is not at all painful so I will leave Will alone..

icanhandthemback

My ex-husband was watching me bath one night when all of a sudden he asked me whether I would have a nose job done if I could afford it. I was quite offended and have hated my nose ever since.

If you read back, you’ll see that I had a nose job but not till I was 50 when I could afford it
I honestly wish I’d had it done many years ago because I’m still quite embarrassed about things were which were said about my nose that’s why I opened the post with my horrendous feet
I was called gonzo, Somebody else said oh you’re quite pretty from the front another comment was your nose comes in the door half an hour before you do and another one was well you wouldn’t need a snorkel
Best money I ever spent I am a recovering alcoholic and I just wonder if those jibes Turned me to drink because when I was drunk, I didn’t give a stuff what anybody said..
Anyway, that’s enough about all my peculiarities. 🤓

Well done to you, Shinamae for tackling your addiction. That shows a strength of character which is far more important than the way we look.
I hate my nose but I wouldn't take a chance on surgery after my heart stopped when I had my hysterectomy. I think living with something you hate is better than not living at all. I am glad you managed to have yours done though if it has made you feel better.

Nandalot

SueDonim

My brother commented in a not-complimentary way about my legs when I was a teenager and I’ve been self-conscious of them ever since. Ridiculous, really, but cuts can be deep and leave scars.

My DB said similar about my long neck. I felt self-conscious about it for a long time, but years later realised it is not really that long!

When I was young I said I didn’t like my very common name. My mother said, ‘It’s plain and simple, like you’.
She thought that was funny.

I usually say " Have You Looked in the Mirror recently ? " or dont you have any mirrors at home ? usually shuts them up

I was a bit pot bellied as a child and my Mum continually told me to pull my stomach in. I walked around with it clenched for most of my life, and remember as a teenager thinking how great it would be to be pregnant and be able to "just let it go".

Consequently I have been conscious of my stomach all my life, even when it was flat and I was a size 8-10, and it's probably not coincidence that I developed gut problems in my 40s and now have multiple food allergies and intolerances, and Exocrine Pancreatic Insufficiency. It can't have been good for me to have been clenching for all those years.

I feel sad reading all your posts with the unkind comments that we have taken to heart. Nandalot I would have loved your long neck instead of my short one. I'm sure I would admire it.... so elegant and graceful.

Sorry to hear that comment re your stomach.

Our parents can be our worst detractors if they make unthinking negative comments. I remember the one I got was telling me I'm "clumsy". Because I've blotted out most (95%) of my childhood memories = I can't remember which of my parents said that or whether they both did. I just remember the comment and think it would most likely have been my mother saying that. It came in very handy for them as an excuse not to buy me a bike as a teenager - when my mother had bought the golden child one (ie my brother).

The only (sorta) redeeming comment they made to that was my father saying to me (when I was an adult) - "Why didn't you go to university? Your brother wasnt capable - but you were. So why didnt you?" The number of times I wish I'd replied "I know my brother is my mothers child - so of course he wasnt capable. Unfortunately I had her doing the major part of my upbringing too - so she was gonna make sure I did NOT do so". I've often wished I'd said something back against the way she pulled me down a lot....

I have a huge, unsightly nose and I have never been in a position to do anything about it. Fortunately my DCs have not inherited it.

Neither of my two sibs have big noses and one of my brother's favourite jokes was to tell people that, when I went swimming with my sister, she dipped her toe in to see how cold it was and I dipped my nose in to see how deep it was. I always used to laugh along with everybody else but I wasn't laughing inside.

Magenta8

I have a huge, unsightly nose and I have never been in a position to do anything about it. Fortunately my DCs have not inherited it.

Neither of my two sibs have big noses and one of my brother's favourite jokes was to tell people that, when I went swimming with my sister, she dipped her toe in to see how cold it was and I dipped my nose in to see how deep it was. I always used to laugh along with everybody else but I wasn't laughing inside.

It hurts…..😢

Not lately, but when I was younger I had so many negative comments about my looks, I lost count - your hair is very thin; what happened to your teeth. Name calling, bullying. It takes its toll.

I had a teacher who made a number of really awful comments to me, I don't know why as I wasn't disruptive in any sense but she just seemed to take a real dislike to me.

Family circumstances at the time meant we got help with uniforms, free lunches etc and she would point this out frequently.
This resulted in some bullying from peers.

I've never forgotten...simply because it was nasty and cruel.

Me too. A colleague, male of course, called me “too done up.” He was short, wore specs, had gingerish wisps of a beard and spoke in a silly voice. I was too young to respond in kind and it still rankles as it made me sooooo self conscious in my first proper job. I have moved on…

I was always described as clumsy - and those saying so were right i was a clumsy child tripping over, tearing things, dreadful handwriting, hopeless at sewing.

DS had the same problems, but we contacted someone running a research project into people like us. Following tests we were diagnosed as having what is now described as dyspraxia. That was 40 years ago. It is only in the last 5 years that people have begun to understand how diverse neural problems affect people and alienates them and make them feel odd.

😳😂😂😂😂😂

Who posted the sandals & fake feet?

M0nica I found, back in the day, that often games teachers were very unsympathetic towards so called "clumsy" children.

They seemed to think that said children were just being annoying and weren't trying hard enough.

What sad stories here.
I don’t recall any dished out to me in the past but was more than able to dish them out in return if I had them.I also had lovely parents ( Mum still lovely) which helps doesn’t it?

M0nica

I was always described as clumsy - and those saying so were right i was a clumsy child tripping over, tearing things, dreadful handwriting, hopeless at sewing.

DS had the same problems, but we contacted someone running a research project into people like us. Following tests we were diagnosed as having what is now described as dyspraxia. That was 40 years ago. It is only in the last 5 years that people have begun to understand how diverse neural problems affect people and alienates them and make them feel odd.

That had me doing a quick check for dyspraxia - hmmm...yep awful writing (though I think that's probably largely down to being used to getting things down on paper very fast with a keyboard - as I'm a fast typist). Sewing - well I can take up a basic hem manually. Driving = oh heck! and had to give up.

But I do remember that my reading age at school was soon about 3 years older than my actual age - so that wasnt a problem. I learnt how to read basic language - and with my mother being (I think) the parent that was around most (armed forces father!) and he obviously learnt to "talk down" to her meant my first few years as an adult meant reading with a dictionary by my side (as I knew my mothers vocabulary was very limited - and so was mine accordingly). The dictionaries got thicker and thicker as I went on and taught myself a decent vocabulary.

In secondary school I remember a boy telling me I was so ugly I should die. I was 12. This bought on years of an eating disorder and self harm. Only now, in my 50's, am I actually confident-ish about how I am. I am finally comfortable in my own skin.

I remember a boy I knew saying that this girl (not me for a change) was so ugly she should not be allowed to exist and if all girls looked like her mankind would die out. Back then if girls protested about these sort of remarks adults just used to smile indulgently and say "Boys will be boys".

All these stories really upset me. I'm so sorry that you all had insults thrown at you without any remorse by the sender, and that you took them to heart and carried them with you.

I don't remember any particular insult, but do remember being mistaken for a boy when I was around 12. And I thought my short hair cut was cute! I grew it out after that.

Iam completely horrified how so many people took the random insults of childhood and so internalised them.

People saying nasty things to me in childhood was the norm for me and most children, and although they would upset me and others at the time. most of them have been forgotten.

Children quite casually saying nasty things to each other seemed the norm in my childhood - and I went to 10 schools around the UK and abroad. so my experience is not confined to one school or one community. I went to mixed and single sex schools, boarding and day, private and state schools.

What makes some children take an insult to heart and let it distort theeir lives, while others just shrug it off?

True, but when you're 12, very shy, heading for those puberty years when everything goes haywire then it's different. Personality type probably has a lot to do with it. New secondary school, being made fun of every single day about how you look and being told that you should just die really takes its toll! Some kids probably can just brush it off. A lot of them can't, then can't tell anyone for fear of more ridicule so just hold it all in. Eventually that all has to come out somehow! If you're particularly shy and sensitive you don't want to draw attention to yourself by acting out.. so you internalise it. Hence eating disorders and self harm that doesn't draw attention to yourself.
I don't know if that's how it is for others, but that's how it was for me.

M0nica What makes some children take an insult to heart and let it distort theeir lives, while others just shrug it off?

Because it's their nature to be more sensitive.

Sparklefizz

M0nica What makes some children take an insult to heart and let it distort theeir lives, while others just shrug it off?

Because it's their nature to be more sensitive.

Are you suggesting that all those who do not take an insult to heart long term are insensitive, with all that description entails.

I suspect it has much more to do with resilience and a child's ability to take the rough with the smooth and to neither overplay the smooth and get arrogant nor make too much of the nastier side of life, which will always be there.