Nasty neighbour

Boodie, quite rightly you are feeling a bit sensitive with the wretched woman virtually stalking you. What other people have said on this page has been good advice. I am going to suggest something that might sound rather odd at first but hear me out. This continued harrassment is not good for your mental health. It might be worth having half a dozen sessions with a Cognitive Behavior Therapist. He/she will teach you some good coping methods and interventions. They will also help you find a different perspective when thinking about this woman. I know it does not seem fair that you would be the one putting yourself out by taking this route but peace of mind is worth so much and with some extra techniques for dealing with her you would have the upper hand.

You have my sympathy. I have just escaped the neighbour from hell. He lived beside me for seven years and made my life a misery. He scared everyone on the street so no one would stand up to him. There were bushes between me and him but he came out one afternoon in a thunderstorm drunk/high and cut every one of them down while mouthing obscenties at me.

The final straw was when he took the street name down when he built a wall. He put it in his shed and left it there.

The people next to you sound similarly deranged. I like the idea someone suggested of building a fence as high as you can legally. Then put tall trellis on it and grow plants along it.

If they continue to be nasty I would be inclined to record it all on paper and on film if you can. The police offered to come round and talk to my neighbour after he repeatedly blocked my car on my drive with his large van. I decided against it as I lived alone and was scared he would harm me. You are not alone in your home so I think you would be safer.

I wish you well. I hope they move or just get tired of behaving like 3 year olds.

Hi everyone, I have a guy living next to me. He complains if I turn my kitchen tap on after midnight and now he's started tapping on adjoining walls in the early hours. Last night he threw stones at my bedroom window. He's a complete moron! These people are best ignored. They are looking for you to respond in order to lift their sad little lives. If you cannot ignore take photo's and sound recordings then speak to your local council.

I really do sympathise, it would drive me round the bend and I can understand how it becomes all consuming. The advice above is really good especially inviting the nice neighbours round hoping they get to experience the problem first hand. After that maybe invite a bigger group of neighbours and maybe they will all get to see the problems you're having - peer pressure is a great thing and their future interactions with the trouble causers might just go some way to stopping the bad behaviour.

Albertina you should report him to the police if you felt threatened.

Boodie,, you don’t say if they are new neighbours, or have been next door for a long time, or if you have only recently moved in.

Be very careful about reporting this. If you do decide to move you have to declare any ‘issues’ with neighbours, if formal. It’s an awful situation to have to live with.

I have very similar neighbours I have learned to totally blank them, the don't exist for me but my husband can’t seem to
He now annoys me bu mentioning them. grr

Sorry for typo’s

I rejoice in the fact that my neighbours either side are wonderful people and the ones over the road are just as nice. In fact after returning from a hospital appointment this morning i was invited in to their garden for a cuppa, their daughter and son in law were there and at first i refused as i didnt want to intrude, but they said come in and i had a wonderful hour with them all. Since loosing my DH they have given me so much support and i just can't thank them enough. I really feel for the OP it must be awful having that stress everyday, and i count my blessings.

I think it is better to ignore a woman like this as suggested by a number of people on this thread. Have your earphones in, be looking at your phone etc.

I would not try a charm offensive. This woman has a serious mental condition and you do not want to become part of it. Never invite her into your house or garden. The last thing you want is for her to add a behavior and start working on your garden in you absence as it seems she is doing to the neighbour on her other side.

There's a mental health issue here. Sorry I know that doesn't help but these people sounds demented.

It might be worth having a look to see if you have a local Victim Support? Some have experienced Antisocial behaviour workers attached and you don't have to have made a Police report. It could be useful to just talk things through.
I would also try to log any problems going forward and keep hold of any 'evidence' you may have....
Personally, I wouldn't engage with them on any level whatsoever, people like that tend to have a way of twisting things so just ignore them as much as you can.

That neighbour is off her head. Do you think she is paranoid?

Her misapplied energy will wear itself out especially if you stay cheerful and ignore her behaviour as much as you can.

I would have a very high fence put up to block all view of them and the ridiculous carving on the tree. They are just two very stupid and ignorant people.

Ignore them and concentrate on your nice next door neighbours. From what you have said they appear to need attention, so starve them of it and just go about your business as usual. Building higher fences plays into their hands. It takes all sorts to make a world and so what if they keep the odd garden ornament that isn't to your taste or prune bushes that isn't your taste either, it only annoys you because you let it do so.

For grown ups they sound extremely childish and have more time on their hands than they should have.
My advice is to just totally ignore them. As you drive away and she's standing her give her a wave if you are feeling really naughty lol

They sound mad to me. It seems they enjoy inflicting this bullying, intimidating behaviour and must feel safe doing it because they know you will not retaliate. You have a right to the enjoyment of your home legally, so at the very least I would have a chat with Citizens Advice to see if there's a solution to stop their weird behaviour. You could ask some friends over and see if the behaviour happens in front of them. Perhaps a visit from a police officer in full uniform to your home to chat about the situation may put them off. Covert security cameras are another option. I feel for you very much and hope these strange people get bored with themselves. Could you have a discreet word with the parents of her grandchildren? I wonder if they are safe in her care.

Redhead56 we once had to involve the police in a neighbour from hell situation, but did not have to reveal this to the new buyer. The police were very discreet and helpful, but this sadly did not resolve the problem. Our solicitor knew all about the problems we had, but because nothing in writing had passed between us and the perpetrators of our misery, it did not have to be revealed on selling.

Maybe your flowers in front of the fence would need hosing while the neighbours are being silly

I am so grateful for your replies. She's trying again today, although gone from mimicking us to making odd sounds. She doesn't have any grandchildren today, so it's definitely her but sounds like a little toddler making them. I think because we are ignoring her, she's trying new and incoherent noises to get our attention. Thanks to you folks, its something that I've just realised. All these years we thought it was something we were doing wrong, maybe punishing us for something. But I can see maybe she is unwell, seeking our anger, to make herself feel better.

I do take alot of this personally, I know I'm a very sensitive person which is why I haven't said anything online to anyone. All your advice have been brilliant and you are all so supportive, which is what I really needed. Thank u all so much. X

I’ve got nasty neighbors one side. They let their dog stray and it attacked my cat . They shout abuse from skylight window. They light incense sticks and stick them in the hedge. The fumes and fire risk were horrendous.
So I installed a camera trained on the skylight window. That worked! I put up a six foot fence with trellis panels on the top and am training all my climbing plants to get higher and higher.
I informed the police about the harassment and fire risk. Apparently she has done this everywhere she has lived previously. Ghastly woman

I can imagine how stressed this makes you feel.
We had a horrible neighbour and instead of dealing with it like adults we sold up and moved. Moved from a lovely area with other good neighbours all because we couldn’t cope with the family next door. A bit drastic I know, but that’s how much it affected us at the time.
So although I can offer no advice I do totally sympathise.
No use saying ‘don’t let it get to you.’
Hopefully they’ll move and leave you to enjoy your retirement in peace.

We have a similar problem, although our neighbours aren’t nasty, more PA. We can’t directly see them at the back, but they are very overbearing, I think he ( the husband) is on the spectrum, as when I have politely mentioned about hedges ( they removed a privit between us) and also about the amount of animals they have, (4 large dogs, 4 hens, and numerous cats, all in cages outside, he didn’t really engage or understand where I was coming from. It’s a very difficult one with neighbours. But good advice from people on this forum. Hopefully you can get some peace