moving home only to regret

It’s time to look forward not backward whats to be achieved you wouldn’t be happy causing your husband unrest and dissatisfaction especially as he’s not a well chap you have to put your dissatisfaction to the back of your mind because there doesn’t seem anything else you can do if you ve spent all your money on moving and renovations
You say you were ok at first, so bring that back, we all have the power to change our feelings as hard as it may seem
If a situation isn’t right but you can’t change it then you have to teach yourself to accept it by looking for and at the positives
Could you husband manage another move he’s obviously not well and he’s doing all he can to fit in with your needs I can’t help but think how demoralised he will feel if you tell him your unhappy when he’s done all he can to get it how you want it

Perhaps try planting a tall but non invasive bamboo screen between you and them. The wind blows through it and makes a pleasant sound. You will get a good screen but have to keep trimming it.

Also possibly have a water feature near where you sit. The tinkling water sound might also help distract a little from the noise they make.

true i actually think they have quietened down a bit i am wondering if the woman have gone back to work after working from home her voice really carries into our house she talks really loud we could hear her talking on the phone previously taking work calls i am hoping noise is the only reason i am feeling unsettled because i know my regretting moving started then if i feel better soon it's that if not it's something else thank you for taking time to help

Hi Bluebelle thank you i will take that on board i was happy for nearly 4 years can't pin point why i changed i think i need to get my mind back on track i have probably too much time on my hands i will try but replying to messages on here today has distracted me so that's good

This is why I have second thoughts about moving. I would love a bungalow, but the thought of all the hassle, scares me. It’s the costs of maintaining a 4 bed house that is pushing me to a move. But as my daughter says, if you’re happy here, why move….no point of saving money at my age. So I shall stay put …….

I’m glad you didn’t take my post as criticism Maddison because I do understand but if you can change yourself instead of changing house it ll be not only be cheaper but it will not upset your husband too
If the distraction cations on here have helped there’s a lot of hope
I think both the pampas grass, bamboo and tinkling water are great ideas seacliff and feeling you’re controlling a situation is a very positive way forward

I sympathise, but you have to think that even back in your old house you might have got new noisy neighbours. In the last two years we have had new neighbours all around us. All young families whereas before the houses were all occupied by retirees. We’re happy still but it’s certainly not what it was. Time moves on and nothing stays the same.

Meant to say ..... You will get a good screen but don't have to keep trimming it.

I, like I guess a lot of people our age, have often thought that maybe we should downsize before we get too old to cope with the inevitable hassle and stress involved with a house move.

I must admit though I have often wondered how many people move for practical reasons and then bitterly regret it, especially of course if they had loved where they were.

I think the fact that you were happy and settled to start with is a good sign and it’s more than likely you will grow to love the bungalow again, especially if you concentrate on the positives.

Regarding the noisy neighbours, autumn and winter are just around the corner so the couple won’t be in the garden much.

Do you think shielding might be partly the reason why you are unsettled? After all, your life has not been normal for almost 18 months, rarely leaving the house, no visitors etc. You probably enjoyed going out when you first moved in instead of just being in the house and garden and focusing on the faults. I certainly spend far too much time being dissatisfied with my house, I’m just about to embark on having every room decorated with new flooring as well and a patio remake is the next major job! I’m sure if I was out and about more, I would not notice the DIY jobs!

As your life opens up again and you spend less time at home, you also might feel more content again.

I live in a bungalow by the way, I moved in when I was 54 and love it! Mine is definitely not a small square box as it has three bedrooms, two bathrooms and three living rooms due to various extensions - my friends call it the tardis! The only downside for me is the garden and patio which are a bit too quirky to be practical and I have to have help with all the work.

Noise is very hard to live with. Try hard to focus on the sounds you do like.
You can't choose your neighbours unfortunately.
We now have a family with a dog (who barks a lot) next door instead of a couple in their 70s and just up the road, a few houses along, a man who loves to spend his spare time over the weekend revving up his noisy car.

It will drive you mad if you focus on it.

We downsized after 36yrs in our family home.The sale was at time when few propertys were available and I feel we
moved under pressure of availability.It is very small, ideal for DH and myself but we later went on to have 4 DGC.We made sure we had a dining room to entertain the family and have had all DGC to sleep using double air bed/pull out singles and have them weekly helping with care.The property is detached with loads of outdoor play area which kids love. No one has actually said anything complementary about the property, only to comment how lovely our old house was.We have little contact with neighbours they are young ,working, car drivers, busy with their own lives.Covid made me aware how isolated we are with no one to call on in an emergency.It would appear unless you have property with multiple large bedrooms with en suites,large open plan kitchens with islands,utility rooms,log burners and decked,pebbled gardens with bbq's,bars,hot tubs etc etc they are not worth buying.I am, like you worrying if did right by moving or is it how we are left feeling post covid and shielded.

This may be totally irrelevant and if it is I apologise.
My 94 year old mother moved about 18 months ago. She chose the house and the town. She moved to be closer to me because her original house was 3 hour drive away from me and her new house is a mere hour’s drive.
About 6 months ago she bitterly regretted moving. She was furious with me for making her move. She told me that she was going to move back and waxed eloquent about how much she loved her old home and hated the new place
The truth is that she is completely unable to go back. She can walk to the small supermarket from her new home but would be unable to walk to the shops from where she was before. She needs my help to organise just about everything from plumbers to paying bills
What she misses is not the old house but her old independence. I wish I could give it back to her
Could it be that there are aspects of your old life that you miss? Maybe you could identify those things and maybe you might be able to recreate them?
I’m not for a moment suggesting that you are at the same stage of life as my Mother, but perhaps you’ve had some difficult life changes along with the move?

I think it would be far cheaper to put a fence up at the bottom of your garden than move due to a noisy neighbour.
We did this at the start of last years lockdown, we had 2 sets of elderly neighbours, one died and their bungalow was turned into an enormous house and our other neighbours house will soon go on the market as he passed away too. So the possibility of noisy neighbours will be back with us,
but the fence will help.
I think that as you were happy before and all of the reasons for your move are still valid, once the country gets back to ‘normal’ (and your husbands health improves) you will be able to get out and enjoy life and your bungalow again.
The immediate problem is that you don’t drive so you are at home a lot of the time with a sick husband, time to start some hobbies or do online courses, zoom meetings with friends and lift yourself out of your rut.
Your old house has long gone and another new property might well have more problems, especially when trying to move and pack etc.whilst your DH is ill, not to mention the cost.
So, sort the fencing, let your husband recover and if you still feel the same next year, then maybe start to look around for something else.

I think what you said is very true Yabbie. It’s easy to think back to when we were younger, fitter, more active, more independent, and associate that with the property we lived in then.

Rose coloured spectacles.

Noisy neighbours would put the damper on things without a doubt! I must admit we wouldn’t like it, sadly though you just don’t know who is going to move where, I do feel for you though, using all your savings is difficult too, you seemed happy enough before these neighbours moved in, you sound very unsettled, if you move again you wont guarantee better neighbours that’s one of the risks you take when you move isn’t it, I wouldn’t be mentioning it to your husband, I think if it was me I’d be trying to make the most of what I have and what we have accomplished in the bungalow, as you can’t really do anything about noisy neighbours when they are out in their garden

School holidays don’t help if you have noisy neighbours. Maybe the situation will improve in the autumn if they’re school age but if younger then when the weather gets colder they’ll perhaps be in the garden less. There are noisy children in my area but we just have to make the most of the times when they are out. If your new windows are double glazed that will make such a difference to the amount you hear from the garden. I think it would be far less disruptive to try to adapt to the annoyances and make the most of times when the neighbours are likely to be out or, now we have a little more freedom, take a trip out when they are about. Certainly a fast growing barrier is a good start.

Yabbie, what a lovely daughter you are.?
Maddison, it seems perhaps things are not looking so bad now. The privacy screen will soon grow, people will get back to work so hopefully it will be peaceful again,

Just a comment.... If you plant bamboo have it in pots! We inherited some that had been there since the 1950s and while it was beautiful the rhizomes grew everywhere.
We had to have it dug out.
Yes , noisy neighbours can be really depressing. I feel for you.
Try to get out and see your friends and moan to them. It works for me.

Oh Maddison I do feel for you. I think what your feeling is a fed up ness if even that’s a word ? We moved house two years ago, unlike you I didn’t like mine from the beginning, we moved from a large new build house to a very small end terrace ? We had a horrendous house move everything that could go wrong did, and has continued ever since.
When I look back to before we moved, I feel I was much happier and healthier than I am now, I’m bone tired and stressed out. What I realised is we haven’t had any good times in this house yet, I’m hoping to change that, all be it slowly, my mums health has deteriorated vastly over the last two years plus the pandemic and lots of other things ? Like you there’s nothing else we can do to this house, it’s all been done, the change has to come from me, and maybe you. Try and forget about the house, the weather will be changing soon, focus on you and your husband, cherish your times together and get out and about when you can. Hopefully things will continue to improve, see how you feel next year. Good luck to you both .

I’m afraid no planting along the boundary with the noisy neighbours will make much difference. On one side we have a lady with a very loud voice. We have dreadful mobile phone reception so she makes and takes calls in the garden. Despite having a high brick wall and dense planting of trees and shrubs, upwards of twenty feet tall, along that boundary I can still hear every word. And of course she entertains in the garden in warm weather. Thank goodness it’s only her second home so she isn’t there all the time. I can only suggest earphones (with or without music etc) and perhaps a good sized water feature by your seating area.

Katyj

Oh Maddison I do feel for you. I think what your feeling is a fed up ness if even that’s a word ? We moved house two years ago, unlike you I didn’t like mine from the beginning, we moved from a large new build house to a very small end terrace ? We had a horrendous house move everything that could go wrong did, and has continued ever since.
When I look back to before we moved, I feel I was much happier and healthier than I am now, I’m bone tired and stressed out. What I realised is we haven’t had any good times in this house yet, I’m hoping to change that, all be it slowly, my mums health has deteriorated vastly over the last two years plus the pandemic and lots of other things ? Like you there’s nothing else we can do to this house, it’s all been done, the change has to come from me, and maybe you. Try and forget about the house, the weather will be changing soon, focus on you and your husband, cherish your times together and get out and about when you can. Hopefully things will continue to improve, see how you feel next year. Good luck to you both .

thank you Katyj
your right only us can change it, i think most of my feelings are the fact that i moved from the house and miss it and then silly little things get to me maybe if our daughter didn't live abroad i would feel better i am sorry you are feeling similar hope your mum is okay think time will see how things are and hopefully improve my health was better in the house if only we could see into the future and not make the mistakes we made i really appreciate you taking time to comment take care Thank you

Oopsadaisy1

I think it would be far cheaper to put a fence up at the bottom of your garden than move due to a noisy neighbour.
We did this at the start of last years lockdown, we had 2 sets of elderly neighbours, one died and their bungalow was turned into an enormous house and our other neighbours house will soon go on the market as he passed away too. So the possibility of noisy neighbours will be back with us,
but the fence will help.
I think that as you were happy before and all of the reasons for your move are still valid, once the country gets back to ‘normal’ (and your husbands health improves) you will be able to get out and enjoy life and your bungalow again.
The immediate problem is that you don’t drive so you are at home a lot of the time with a sick husband, time to start some hobbies or do online courses, zoom meetings with friends and lift yourself out of your rut.
Your old house has long gone and another new property might well have more problems, especially when trying to move and pack etc.whilst your DH is ill, not to mention the cost.
So, sort the fencing, let your husband recover and if you still feel the same next year, then maybe start to look around for something else.

Hi thank you for the good advice i think that next year if i feel the same i will have to talk to my DH about things i am sorry your mum feels she wants to move back to her old area it must be hard on you but you seem like a good daughter and it's in her own best interest to be near you hopefully, she will settle and realise she needs you, she is very lucky to have you

Party4

We downsized after 36yrs in our family home.The sale was at time when few propertys were available and I feel we
moved under pressure of availability.It is very small, ideal for DH and myself but we later went on to have 4 DGC.We made sure we had a dining room to entertain the family and have had all DGC to sleep using double air bed/pull out singles and have them weekly helping with care.The property is detached with loads of outdoor play area which kids love. No one has actually said anything complementary about the property, only to comment how lovely our old house was.We have little contact with neighbours they are young ,working, car drivers, busy with their own lives.Covid made me aware how isolated we are with no one to call on in an emergency.It would appear unless you have property with multiple large bedrooms with en suites,large open plan kitchens with islands,utility rooms,log burners and decked,pebbled gardens with bbq's,bars,hot tubs etc etc they are not worth buying.I am, like you worrying if did right by moving or is it how we are left feeling post covid and shielded.

party4 do you know i think you have hit the nail on the head when people see what we have bought we never get any one saying what a lovely area you live in what a nice property some have said i can't believe you have moved, i can't believe you've moved here! not oh you've transformed the property you've done the right thing downsizing! things like that can knock your confidence i don't think they realise they could be upsetting you i think we bought this in a rush without actually thinking about do we really want a bungalow we have only had houses the thing i can't understand is why i am feeling like this over 4 years on it's strange how your feelings work i think covid has had an effect and having to stay in a lot too it's okay for people to have big houses multiple rooms etc... but have they got the big mortgage to go with them!! i hope you can stop worrying over your move it sounds like you have a lovely home take care

Party4

We downsized after 36yrs in our family home.The sale was at time when few propertys were available and I feel we
moved under pressure of availability.It is very small, ideal for DH and myself but we later went on to have 4 DGC.We made sure we had a dining room to entertain the family and have had all DGC to sleep using double air bed/pull out singles and have them weekly helping with care.The property is detached with loads of outdoor play area which kids love. No one has actually said anything complementary about the property, only to comment how lovely our old house was.We have little contact with neighbours they are young ,working, car drivers, busy with their own lives.Covid made me aware how isolated we are with no one to call on in an emergency.It would appear unless you have property with multiple large bedrooms with en suites,large open plan kitchens with islands,utility rooms,log burners and decked,pebbled gardens with bbq's,bars,hot tubs etc etc they are not worth buying.I am, like you worrying if did right by moving or is it how we are left feeling post covid and shielded.

party4 do you know i think you have hit the nail on the head when people see what we have bought we never get any one saying what a lovely area you live in what a nice property some have said i can't believe you have moved, i can't believe you've moved here! not oh you've transformed the property you've done the right thing downsizing! things like that can knock your confidence i don't think they realise they could be upsetting you i think we bought this in a rush without actually thinking about do we really want a bungalow we have only had houses the thing i can't understand is why i am feeling like this over 4 years on it's strange how your feelings work i think covid has had an effect and having to stay in a lot too it's okay for people to have big houses multiple rooms etc... but have they got the big mortgage to go with them!! i hope you can stop worrying over your move it sounds like you have a lovely home take care