Big weddings versus more intimate ceremonies

I think a big wedding isn't so much a question of guests as of expenditure. I can think of at least half a dozen weddings where numbers were high because the couple marrying were involved in community work and wanted their youth group to be there, or were part of some other wider group and had them all there, but the wedding was simple, everything from the brides dress to the food and decorations being home made, or friends rallied round and gave wedding presents in kind, whether food, decorations, or photography.

All the weddings I have been to that have been rich in friends, but low in everything else have been marriages that have lasting power, some have reached 50 years, some 25 and going strong.

My husband and I opted for a "weddingmoon" in Jamaica. It was the second marriage for both of us, my mother had died not long before, and neither of us could face a huge fuss. We met up with another couple doing the same, and we were their witnesses, and they were ours. It was very special and intimate, and just about the two of us. When we returned, we had a meal for close family, and a small party for friends. It cost us less than £5000 for all three events, our wedding clothes and cakes (two of which I made myself). So often, it seems like the wedding is more important to the couple than the marriage

I think small is more special

My daughter and now son in law both who loath being the centre of attention married in Mexico when they were on holiday in a secret wedding just the two of them with 2 witnesses (not related or friends). Both families who adore this couple thought it was very romantic. I have a beautiful photo of them looking georgeous standing newly married on a beach. What they would of spent on a wedding helped them with their new home.

We have often noticed that, as a general rule, the size/cost of the wedding is in inverse proportion to the length of the marriage. Couples have often lived together before the marriage and are paying for their own wedding. Why go into debt to make your vows? The nicest weddings I've been to are the smallest ones.

Many years ago when my friend wanted to marry it was difficult because her fiancé had social phobias.
So she asked me and my partner to be the only people present.
She only told one other person, her aunt.
We went to the registry office, came home, lifted a glass.
So ( she said) off to tell the parent's ?
When she got to her parents her mum and dad knew what was happening and were ready with the champagne and buffet.
What lovely parents they were to respect what my friend and her husband wanted for their day.

This sounds lovely Sago. How sensible to have it so intimate - I think weddings have got way out of hand now.

That sounds like a lovely day ahead that you will all remember forever. I think this a great way to do things , a lovely meal with closest family then a party with others a bit later.

I like the reading

Our wedding was quite small and we didn't have a sit down dinner. There were various reasons for this but it suited us. My friends son recently got married and they did the same as your son Sago, just each others parents (no siblings) and they all enjoyed it and met siblings later in the garden. Congratulations to your son and enjoy yourselves x

I live near the hotel that is constantly voted the best wedding hotel in the world. The hotel posts their own pictures of weddings usually showing bride and groom in one of the numerous locations either within the hotel or grounds as well as some of the settings for the actual ceremony and wedding reception. No idea of what those weddings will cost other than horrendously expensive. I also feel so sad thinking as is so frequent nowadays many of the couples will separate in a couple of years. The wedding business has just gone mad and hopefully recent Covid restrictions will bring some sanity into what a wedding really means.

Sago hope all goes well today and you all have a wonderful day. Congratulations to the happy couple.

My daughter, after planning her wedding 12 months prior to COVID decided to go ahead as planned with 16 guests at a smaller venue and have the posh reception later in the year. The wedding was the most lovely, loving, intimate one she could have wanted she and her husband were so happy and looking forward to the posh reception later in the new year, but COVID changed that two more times, the posh venue wouldn’t refund the money so now it’s a belated wedding and christening celebration in February,( baby due September) 18 months after the wedding! So, yes I now think a small family wedding is perfect it still brings a tear to my eye.

At my wedding we had my parents, my brother, the best man and his wife. My husband was Australian so his parents weren’t there, but luckily, like us, they were the sort of people who didn’t think ceremonies were important. We went out to dinner with a few more friends in the evening. It was a lovely, stress-free day.

My son rather shocked me by having quite a big wedding. It was as enjoyable as such an event can be, but it seemed a waste of money to me. Also I bought clothes for it that I have never worn since.

I had a very small wedding about 50yrs ago - I'm sure that 'deep down' I knew that it was a mistake.

No family or life-long friends there - just people who we'd known for a few weeks through work.

I don't KNOW if I'd have had a bigger wedding - even if I'd been marrying Mr.Right as I'm not keen on being the centre of attention.

We were in a similar position. Big family wedding postponed a year due to covid. But a small, more intimate, wedding went ahead on the original date. The happy couple did the legal bit and we had a small reception and a weekend at the hotel. It was absolutely lovely and everyone enjoyed themselves. Most of our close family live distances away and we hadn't seen them for a long time so it was a shame they couldn't attend. But the main event will be next year, and hopefully we can have a big get together.

When I got married in 1970 I had a big wedding in as much as we had all our family and friends but it was certainly not an expensive one. Mum-in-law made mine and the bridesmaids' dresses. The church service wasn't until 4.30 and we had a buffet when we arrived at the hall - my old school hall - no fancy decorations or table settings. We had a DJ for the evening and family took it in turns to 'man' the bar. I love looking at the photos as everyone is up dancing and having an amazing time. We didn't have any money left for a honeymoon but a very memorable and amazing wedding day and have been happily married for 51 years.

A love a small intimate wedding, I went to Gretna Green with my ex husband and our 2 sets of parents and it was perfect. Had 2 parties in the different countries for friends and family to attend and I got to wear my dress 3 times. I'm so glad I never spent a fortune on the wedding and out it into our first home instead.
Have a lovely day, the craic will be great in Dublin.

I think a large wedding is a lovely excuse for extended family to get together and if that is what the couple want too- fine by me! The only other time I would get to see many of the family is at a funeral. I would be disappointed if someone in our family had a wedding and I wasn't invited. The situation with Covid was understandable, but I wouldn't want it to become the norm.

How lovely to be able to share such a precious day with them.
Covid has changed my attitude to weddings. Before I felt it was a great opportunity for families to get together, a chance to mix with old and young who you may not see otherwise ,a chance to connect. Now the idea of being in a space with lots of people of all ages fills me with fear. So would much prefer a small gathering in a well aired place and really wouldn't mind if I weren't invited to
any sort of big event at all. Saddens me that I even have to think this way.

I think the whole wedding business has got out of hand. All sorts of pricey gimmicks such as sweet carts and photo booths, hen weekends abroad, destination weddings, requests for money to fund exotic honeymoons etc etc

Obv not all modern weddings are like that, but many of them are. I don't find them romantic at all, and so often guests are expected to go to huge expense and inconvenience to attend these showy affairs.

I really hope smaller simpler weddings, where the actual marriage that's at the centre of the occasion doesn't get drowned by all the extraneous stuff, become more common post covid.

My son and his partner have booked their wedding for next year when they will have been together 10 years. They have booked a registry office that holds 17 people and will hopefully have a meal afterwards. I cope better with small events so it will suit me. His partner comes from a very big family so if they had done it any other way
It would have been very expensive which they can’t afford or people would have been hurt.

My brother worked in the same office as his then girlfriend. One lunchtime they quietly went to the registry office and got married. They told us after the event. They had both been married before and wanted no fuss.

We had the wedding neither of us wanted, all Aunts and Uncles rather than the people we would rather have had but that was standard for 1979. Fast forward to my DD marrying in 2002 she wasn't that keen on getting married but her OH was so it was a very small wedding party of 10 including her 18 month old daughter. They got married in an hotel and would had a very nice lunch afterwards, The hotel was very good and did the food she asked for and some how we all had 2 desserts but were only charged for one! The next day I did an open house at our house where I did a running buffet for anyone that want to come. I did all the cooking for that and made the cake. My daughters dress was actually a bridesmaids dress bought from a bridal shop as she didn't want a "white" dress and I found it on the sale rail for £30, it fitted perfectly and she looked gorgeous. As it was a lovely lilac colour we went for that colour as a theme, everything from a fancy hair scrunchy to the napkins were an exact match and all were found just by looking around the local shops. All guests the next day came in jeans and jumpers as requested by my daughter as " getting all gressed up for one day" was enough for her. Everyone said it was so relaxed and special, they are still talking about it even now.

Dressed not gressed!

My granddaughter put off her wedding twice, mainly because of Covid and travel restrictions that would prevent her partner's family attending. In the end they decided to go ahead with a quiet ceremony with just 12 guests and which they live-streamed so that those unable to travel could watch.

I was lucky enough to be one of the 12 guests and it was a magical day. They intend to have a party next August to celebrate and welcome guests from abroad, but it will be in a Church Hall, self catered and low key - an ideal solution, I think.

On the other end of the scale I have just been shown photos of a wedding attended by a friend where the reception cost an eye-watering £45,000, £10,000 of which was for floral decorations alone!

I know which celebration I would rather be at!