Weddings where children are not invited

I got married in 1986 and apart from my four bridesmaids (2 11year olds - my sister and her friend, and two slightly older ones - my husband's nieces) we had no children there - if we had there would have been at half a dozen under 6 including a 6-week old. My day my decision - the parents were happy to come and leave the children with grandparents for a few hours. Of course back then weddings tended to be local, not like now when they can be miles away from home.

I had no children 'policy' at my wedding. Lots of ruffled feathers at first but I gave them plenty of notice to make alternative arrangements. I think with warmth of those with children who later had the good grace to say it was the best wedding they had ever been to. It was simply a bit of fun and freedom for adults and I have no regrets. Furthermore, when I had children, I never took them to weddings even though they were included on the invitation. Freedom for them and us and a day of joy for childminding GP.

I agree it's the bride and groom's decision about whether or not to invite children. However, I do object if they get shirty when some parents then decline the invitation either because they don't want to leave their children for the time required, or indeed don't have anyone they can ask to care for their children. If distance and overnight stays are required it can be just too difficult.

We had a no children wedding over 40 years ago
Our parents paid for the wedding and having a budget we were asked either invite cousins children some of which we didn’t even know or all our friends no contest

It’s the couple’s choice. We looked after my GD last weekend so my DD and SIL could attend a wedding. I suspect they had a much better time on their own than they would have had with a 3yo in tow, to go by the photos!

My DD’s, when young, were attendants at a wedding. Dh and I had a pretty miserable time because of the behaviour of two other children at the event, it really spoilt it for us.

We had a "no children" wedding in the 70s.

A few years later, one of my closest friends (one of my 2 bridesmaids) had a "no children" wedding. I loved her so even though we had a baby (breastfeeding) we went to the church. My husband stayed outside with the little one.
After this, we both popped in to the pre-reception drinks (separately) to hug them and wish them a long and happy marriage. Then we drove 150 miles home.

I don't suppose I'd have done it if she was married abroad, but do not judge.
Their wedding, their choice.

It is the bride and groom's day, they are spending so much money on it, and so many have the unrealistic plans for it being 'perfect'. Numbers are limited by cost and venue. I can understand the reasoning, and it isn't usually about the children' behaviour. For a family of four, if you invite the children, then that is two of your friends that you can't invite, and if you are honest, which would you rather have at the wedding, friends that make you laugh and who will continue to be part of your lives, or someone's children who may well forget the day anyway? OOH, of course it can be a bit of a bother to organise the childcare so that just the two can go, but that isn't the bride and groom's problem, it's part and parcel of having children!

I love to see prettily dressed children running around at weddings, but only if the bride and groom genuinely want them there.

Sense of entitlement - yes, infants are entitled to be fed. Not every woman can pump. Or handle not nursing for a full day or so that early on. Ouch. By all means have your child free wedding but don't cry if you're disappointed I'm not coming.

I had children at my wedding (not many as we are not a large family) but my brother didn’t at his, by which time I had two young children. He married in his bride’s home town which is hundreds of miles from me, and as all the family were invited I struggled for babysitters who could take two children for two nights.

We managed in the end, but my daughter was bitterly disappointed, and I was not impressed to find that the bride’s nieces were the same age as she was, and were bridesmaids.

i went to a cousins wedding in the early 90s my son was only 5 at the time and i explained i could not go as i did not have a babysitter, she said bring him, the children are having there own party, they had set up another room with childminders for there children and all the child guests, my son loved it, they had set up food and drinks for the kids and had toys and sleep mats for any who got tired, all the mums and dads popped in and out to see that the kids were okay, i understand the no child policy but you can always send a card and gift. some weddings the parents just want to go on there own. i declined 2 invitations when my son was small and just sent a card and gift. it really is up to the couple who are getting married.

My son and DIL went to a wedding recently, no children invited. They have 3 children and were absolutely delighted to have a child-free day and evening!

There has been a shift in weddings - from family events to a day for the couple

From the parents of the bride and groom paying for the wedding to the couple paying themselves

It is the bride and groom's day - they choose what they want.

A party is very different with kids vs no kids - menu, entertainment, budget, etc

The guests can also choose not to attend because it is not convenient for them

The entitlement of family on wedding can be too much

Crying babies and badly behaved children can ruin things, and not everyone likes children! Bride and groom’s day, their choice.

What a strange country we are when we don’t include children in our lives but people dress dogs up in clothes and people spend big money on dolls that look like children or babies to give their love to
germanshepherdsmum ‘not everyone likes children’ what am I hearing well they darn well should, they were one once

Thankfully most weddings I ve been have been West Indian or Asian weddings and children are always a very big part of the ceremonies and the day Tally inclusive and lovely

This isn't something new as we were invited to a couple of no children weddings 30 + years ago when ours were small. One of these I know the groom later thought it was a mistake as many of his friends and family decided not to go.

Ealdemodor, I do agree with you. Weddings should be family occasions.

We were once invited to a 'no children' one. My husband replied straight away saying we couldn't attend - as our children weren't welcomed.

He thought the bride was just spoilt, wanting every bit of the attention!

BlueBelle

What a strange country we are when we don’t include children in our lives but people dress dogs up in clothes and people spend big money on dolls that look like children or babies to give their love to
germanshepherdsmum ‘not everyone likes children’ what am I hearing well they darn well should, they were one once

Thankfully most weddings I ve been have been West Indian or Asian weddings and children are always a very big part of the ceremonies and the day Tally inclusive and lovely

Anybody who dresses up dogs in my line of sight gets told how ridiculous they are.

I like some children. I just don't like them just because they are children. ( Thanks Saga Noren )

Hetty 58, on my wedding day I wanted all the attention. That's the point.

Hetty58 a lot of the time it's down to cost I remember my daughters wedding we had immediate family children but had to stop at that.
Her friends who did have children were more than happy to have a child free time

We married in 1972, a smallish church wedding, but nephews, nieces, aunts, uncles were invited.

When my cousin married in 1976, it was no children. My sister took umbrage, she had 3, and didn’t attend. I was close to my cousin, the same age, and DH and I attended, my sister looked after our two but we would have asked the in-laws to if she hadn’t.

Fast forward 30 years when said sister’s own children married, no family members, let alone children, were invited.

A different matter when they were forking out for the wedding.

It would never occur to me to exclude part of the family.

If the bride is worried that attention will be taken away, she needs to think seriously about her self worth.

I suspect we are one of the only countries in the world to be having this conversation.

Alegrias1, I think brides tend to forget that they're planning an event - for guests! Of course, they're puzzled when many decline because the terms don't suit them.

We were also invited, at the last minute, to a wedding abroad, involving expensive flights and a weekend hotel stay - and bill. We declined, then heard, later on, that we were on the 'B' list. So many had declined that they hoped to make up the numers!

(numbers)

My youngest daughter is getting married next year. She has 7 nieces and nephews. Eldest being 12. Youngest not born at the moment. She wants them to be bridesmaids, page boys, flower girls etc etc.

I'm hoping large bribes will make for a peaceful ceremony.

I'm seriously amazed at some of the comments. Not being argumentative, just seriously amazed.

I wasn't planning an event for guests; they were coming to see me married! (And DH as well, obviously ) My nephew was 3 months old when I got married. He didn't come. His mum and dad did. I've no idea where he was.

As for my self worth WWM2, my self worth is just fine. I just didn't want a child upstaging me or interrupting the serious bits. Sorry, its the truth

We were all invited to a ‘ no kids’ wedding. We couldn’t work out what we were supposed to do with them. It was across water too.

We didn’t go. We would love to have treated it as a family holiday, it was such a great opportunity.

Two days and nights is a long time for a three year old, and you if you’re sleep deprived. Not sure I would do it.