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Do you think 4 children is a ‘big family?’

(144 Posts)
Kandinsky Mon 16-Aug-21 08:50:52

I’ve got 4 dc and I’m still amazed at the reaction I get when I tell some people.
My mum was one of 12! grin
My own view is anything 6+ is a big family.

What are your thoughts?

kittylester Mon 16-Aug-21 08:56:29

Well, we have 5. I know it's a big family!!! And I still find people are astounded - I think they imagine that they all arrived at once.

Mollygo Mon 16-Aug-21 08:57:41

I was one of 5. My DC have stuck at 2; one for finance reasons and the other because of their views on overpopulation. If you can afford it then 4 isn’t unreasonable. My DB says 2 is enough and he knows everything!

FarNorth Mon 16-Aug-21 09:00:52

Yes, I do.

Sarnia Mon 16-Aug-21 09:03:11

My second husband was 1 of 17. His parents were good Catholics with no TV. wink

Blondiescot Mon 16-Aug-21 09:05:11

I do, but I'm an only child and only have the two children and one grandchild! That suits me just fine - I can't imagine having a 'big family'. It's entirely up to the parents though - as long as you have the finances to support them, have as many as you want.

Oopsadaisy1 Mon 16-Aug-21 09:06:06

Mum was one of 12,that was large.
DH was one of 4 which was good, always someone to play with.
I was one of 2 , 4 years between us , I felt like an only child most of the time. I would have loved to have had 4 children but we didn’t have the money! So we just had the 2, but if we had had more we wouldn’t have been able to help them all financially, the way that we have helped our 2.

eazybee Mon 16-Aug-21 09:12:57

It is nowadays.
My grandmother was one of thirteen, but never more than five at home at one time; my mother was an only, as I am, ex husband one of two; I have two children neither of whom have children.
All my friends have one or two siblings, two or three children and between one and four grandchildren.

Blossoming Mon 16-Aug-21 09:25:18

Yes, I do. I’m 1 of 5, Mr.B is 1 of 6. When we alll get together it’s a very big family!

Marmight Mon 16-Aug-21 09:27:34

4 sounds good.
I’m an only as was DH. I have 3 children and am truly envious of the families they now have - sisters/brothers in law, nieces, nephews and other associated relatives. I would have loved to have been part of a bigger family. Life can be lonely without family to support and love you although I appreciate that it’s not always the case
(DD3 wanted 5 but after the 2nd she said no way would she want any more ?)

Granmarderby10 Mon 16-Aug-21 09:28:13

No Kandinsky to my mind 4 is a neat number especially if the genders are even because each gets a brother and sister. I say this as the youngest of 6 -and our Mum was the middle-ish child of 9. Their was a gap of 9 years before I arrived though so my 2 eldest sisters were 19 and 21 and at work etc and I became an Aunty at 16 months old ! With 19 more nephews and nieces to follow. Still only 1 brother though ?

Grammaretto Mon 16-Aug-21 09:29:16

All 4 of my grandparents were from families of between 8 and 13. I remember thinking that 8 wasn't that many!
We had 4 and all of them have DC so I now have 7 DGC (shared with the other DGP).
Children are more expensive now for sure and the population debate simmers away along with the fact that a child born in the affluent West consumes far more in its lifetime than a child in the poorer East etc.

I used to love big families when I was a child although I was one of 3. You could lose yourself amongst them. We knew a family of 12 who even had a pony which we all rode . It was a poor but happy family.

I probably shouldn't but I feel sorry for only children.

BlueSky Mon 16-Aug-21 09:30:07

It’s quite fashionable nowadays to add a fourth child. I wanted to have four, first husband wanted none, so I managed to have two! I would say it’s the upper limit of what people perceive as ‘acceptable’.

Jaxjacky Mon 16-Aug-21 09:30:43

I think it will be, over population is the biggest threat to the world’s resources, but will never be a popular message.

GrannyGravy13 Mon 16-Aug-21 09:30:49

We have 5 children, you just get used to the noise level when all AC and GC get together.
It is absolutely joyous ❤️❤️❤️

ElaineI Mon 16-Aug-21 09:31:51

Not 4 maybe 6. I've only got a brother and now DM is frail and needing help would be good to have had another sibling to share care as DB lives 2 hours away. I had 3 and might have had 4 but DD2 was early and distressed in labour and DH was so scared that I wouldn't have put him through that again.

GrannySomerset Mon 16-Aug-21 09:42:42

Both DH and I are only children and think we have missed a lot in not having siblings, but when I read some of the posts about family feuds and upsets think perhaps being part of a bigger family is a mixed blessing.

Cafe tables always seem designed for four people which must make taking a larger family out complicated but otherwise I look with envy and admiration at the bigger family groups. We managed one of each but the second didn’t do sleeping and put me off any more.

luluaugust Mon 16-Aug-21 09:51:11

I have three children and after number three was born a nursing Sister of the old school told me I now had a big family and certainly shouldn't have anymore. I have a couple of friends with four or more and they all have a happy family life.

Chewbacca Mon 16-Aug-21 09:51:31

I was one of 5 and I remember, even back in the 1950s, that we were regarded as being "a very big family". We were very poor, no money, cramped and inadequate housing and a miserable childhood. I made the conscious decision when I married that I'd have only ever have 1 child. If I had my time over again, I'd possibly have had another or maybe not

B9exchange Mon 16-Aug-21 09:52:36

I was thinking of two children, and two boys came along. I would really have loved a girl, but even in those days I was thinking that it was only fair on the world population just to replace, not increase. However then my brother made it plain that he and his wife would never have children. She would have made an excellent mum, but he refused to go for tests. So we had a girl, and then because the fighting was always two onto one, we had a fourth!

kittylester Mon 16-Aug-21 09:56:27

We always said we wanted to fill a vicarage but didn't realise that having 5 children meant that we wouldn't be able to afford the vicarage as well!

henetha Mon 16-Aug-21 09:56:57

Maybe it is by today's standards, but it is exactly what I wanted but was not able to have. I only managed two. I think those of you with 4 or 5 children are wonderful.

Visgir1 Mon 16-Aug-21 10:04:21

No 4 is fine.. My cousin has 6... 5 boys 1 girl. Not a problem.

mumofmadboys Mon 16-Aug-21 10:05:53

I have 5 sons. No regrets! It was hard work having 5 under ten, especially as I had a career as well. We did live in a vicarage - DH was a vicar.

Calendargirl Mon 16-Aug-21 10:05:56

Yes, I do, but ok if you can afford it and enjoy having several children. My DH was one of 9, quite poor, living in a big old farmhouse with outdoor ‘hole in the wooden board’ loo and tin bath etc. His mother had her favourites amongst her offspring, but was a good, caring mother. She worked very hard, the cooking, cleaning, washing, must have been overwhelming, especially when she was always pregnant.

They were cared for, but not given much attention re their schooling and career choices.