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Male companionship

(37 Posts)
Grandmajb Mon 06-Sep-21 22:55:19

After three and a half years since losing my husband I would like to find male companionship. I don’t want another husband or live in partner, just someone to enjoy spending time with, maybe have lunch or dinner with, go for days out with, cinema, theatre. But where can you find such a companion. I have had a short dabble with dating sites and these are not the right places. Any thoughts ladies?

Nell8 Mon 06-Sep-21 23:27:14

Have you tried U3a? My local branch has several groups which meet for days out, lunches, theatre visits etc. It could be a starting point and a way of making friends to meet separately.

crazyH Mon 06-Sep-21 23:44:57

You’ll be lucky.!!! Most men don’t have just companionship in mind. I said “most”, not all. I hope you find a nice, like-minded male companion to share your interests. Good luck !

Silverbridge Mon 06-Sep-21 23:59:42

I’m a long-time widow in my sixties. I have several Platonic male friends that I go out with on a regular basis. I met them through different interest groups, activities and volunteer work and the friendships developed naturally over time. I am fond of all of them but made it clear from the start that I wanted nothing more than occasional companionship and good conversation - which is all they wanted too. It’s refreshing to know that some men are quite happy with that. Independent as we all are, it’s good sometimes to enjoy things in company.

BlueBelle Tue 07-Sep-21 04:19:20

CrazyH I totally agree I have never ever found a man who will sit with companionship even when they agree that’s all they want
The last time I gave that one a chance … I was talking to a guy online and we had a lot in common and I made it so clear it was only ever for companionship, he agreed he wanted nothing more himself , so I accepted meeting up and going to a pub quiz Had a really nice evening, an intelligent chap we chatted totally on the same wavelength, all good, I got a taxi home, within half an hour of getting home I was getting texts telling me what a good night he’d had , how we must do it again, what beautiful eyes I d got how he couldn’t wait to see me blah blah blah I told him I d had a great night, I ignored the lovely eyes etc Eight thirty the next morning I started getting mildly sexual texts of how he’d been dreaming about me etc etc
So that was that, good bye companionship. that was the last time of many tries I hung my hat up then

I wish you all the luck in the world grandmajb I m sure they are out there I just didn’t ever find anyone

Eviebeanz Tue 07-Sep-21 06:13:04

I think sometimes men confuse "companionship" with "mature friends with benefits".

Whiff Tue 07-Sep-21 07:00:40

I have been widowed since I was 45 now 63. Until I moved 2 years ago never wanted a male friend. But miss going out with a man . I still love my husband very much and the grief has gotten worse over the years. I don't want a partner. I hope no one takes offence but I would love a gay friend . Male companionship without any misunderstandings. My brother has lot of gay friends unfortunately they live in the West Midlands I live in the north west.

Kandinsky Tue 07-Sep-21 07:19:31

Wanting a male companion usually means wanting some kind of romantic involvement - otherwise why not just go to the cinema etc with girlfriends?

Juliet27 Tue 07-Sep-21 07:30:47

I agree, gay men can be great friends for women I’ve found.

Zoejory Tue 07-Sep-21 07:34:58

Kandinsky

Wanting a male companion usually means wanting some kind of romantic involvement - otherwise why not just go to the cinema etc with girlfriends?

Oh I disagree. Male companions offer something totally different to female. And I'm not referring to sex!

I've always got on very well with men. Many women just want to talk about grandchildren, children, cars, home extensions and coffee. NOT ALL!

I am well aware that's a sweeping generalisation but I do prefer company of men and it's very easy to be platonic.

Grandmajb Tue 07-Sep-21 07:39:26

I have looked at U3A and have downloaded an application form. It is a start. Thanks Nell8

Kandinsky Tue 07-Sep-21 07:45:29

Zoejory
I agree men can often be more interesting than women. They’re not as wrapped up in the whole grandchildren thing so conversation will be different.
But I’d still argue that most men want something other than just conversation.
Unless you know someone like Roy from coronation street.

Silverbridge Tue 07-Sep-21 07:59:06

I’m surprised by the negative comments because I’m living proof that’s it’s possible to have male friends without being involved sexually or having expectations of one another.

My friends are all individuals with their own interests. They tend to be creatives, outdoor or scholarly types. Most are straight. All are free spirits and independent thinkers.

I love the wide range of conversations we have and how comfortable we are with one another. Absolutely right, Zoejory.

Whiff Tue 07-Sep-21 08:09:16

I joined the U3A it was mostly women and men with their wives. Did enjoy the talks though.

BlueBelle Tue 07-Sep-21 08:57:46

CrazyH I totally agree I have never ever found a man who will sit with companionship even when they agree that’s all they want
The last time I gave that one a chance … I was talking to a guy online and we had a lot in common and I made it so clear it was only ever for companionship, he agreed he wanted nothing more himself , so I accepted meeting up and going to a pub quiz Had a really nice evening, an intelligent chap we chatted totally on the same wavelength, all good, I got a taxi home, within half an hour of getting home I was getting texts telling me what a good night he’d had , how we must do it again, what beautiful eyes I d got how he couldn’t wait to see me blah blah blah I told him I d had a great night, I ignored the lovely eyes etc Eight thirty the next morning I started getting mildly sexual texts of how he’d been dreaming about me etc etc
So that was that, good bye companionship. that was the last time of many tries I hung my hat up then

I wish you all the luck in the world grandmajb I m sure they are out there I just didn’t ever find anyone

Neen Tue 07-Sep-21 09:23:48

I completely understand and think if the male totally gets it, it's lovely. I'm blessed with a Richard,a fine speciman of a gentleman. We may just grab a cuppa or meal and sometimes go see the likes of Courtney Pine on a music night. He's kind, compassionate but open and honest and I love him as one of my friends.
We do not ever ( even after alcohol ) get romantically or intimately involved ) but I value you his male company and opinions . He's not gay and we are not hiding secret wants for one another. Hes Richard and been my friend 20 years now .

BlueBelle Tue 07-Sep-21 09:32:25

No idea why my post went in twice at two different places how weird apologies for that

I totally disagree with zoejory suggestion that it’s simple to be platonic when she says it's very easy to be platonic it most certainly is not how ever many guide lines you spell out men naturally do not do platonic
I certainly agree about having a gay friend then you really don’t have the concerns of it slipping over into anything else

Peasblossom Tue 07-Sep-21 09:37:38

Personally I find male friendships a bit oppressive in that they do expect to be number 1 in the allocation of your time.

They get a bit shirty if they suggest meeting up and you say you’re busy with something else. Even if they spend most of the week playing golf or whatever, they do tend to assume you should be available when they have a spare moment😬

Zoejory Tue 07-Sep-21 09:47:49

I totally disagree with zoejory suggestion that it’s simple to be platonic when she says it's very easy to be platonic it most certainly is not how ever many guide lines you spell out men naturally do not do platonic

Fine to disagree but in my opinion it certainly is easy to have platonic friends.

I have many

There are some very old fashioned and rather insulting comments on here with regard to men!

I'm glad I don't mix with such insatiable types

Then again, maybe I'm not as irresistible as you ladies who find it impossible to have a good platonic male friend.

Peasblossom Tue 07-Sep-21 09:54:13

I’m obviously too nice to them 😬

Kandinsky Tue 07-Sep-21 10:41:48

It’s probably easier to have platonic friends if you’re over 70, but in my experience there’s usually a reason a man wants to be friends with a woman, because as you say Zoejory most women are pretty boring.

henetha Tue 07-Sep-21 10:45:37

I have platonic male friends, but I am wary though, not wanting them to think there is more on offer!

BlueBelle Tue 07-Sep-21 10:51:05

Good for you zoejory I had plenty too when I was married once you’re single it all changes maybe not for you but it did for me (as you say perhaps I m totally irresistible 🤣)

I m certainly not old fashioned and very open for friendship with men I enjoy their company and conversation but it always slides into something more which is not what I m looking for at all

None of my female friends are boring though we all have great fun and talk about everything under the sun and never more than a passing bit of news about grandchildren so I m a lucky lady

Zoejory Tue 07-Sep-21 10:59:27

AllI can say is I wish I could introduce my 60 year old friend to you. You could push her in the right direction

She would love a romantic interlude with a dapper chap of similier age but it's impossible. They just want to discuss her garden and offer her coach trips. No strings of course.

I agree that it's probably easier if you're over 70 or already in a couple. But there are men out there who aren't filled with lusty thoughts as you tend to your dahlias.

Kandinsky Tue 07-Sep-21 11:27:11

Absolutely