Do you engage differently on gransnet than in real life?

I'm the same here as I am in real life. It's easy to misinterpret the written word as it is the spoken one.

I do wonder when I see posts as you've described Beswitched as insulting, sneering and jeering if they really are like that in real life. I doubt they'd have any friends of family if that's how they behave when not hiding behind a computer screen and user name.

It's ridiculous for anyone IMO to associate being disagreed with with bullying although some do. Bullying is blatantly obvious as is simply being disagreed with.

I agree with what JaneJudge and others have said about words being tempered with gestures, body language, smiles perhaps when in real life; the same thing said online can come across as abrupt, especially given the time lapse between posting and someone else reading it.

I would hate to think I have hurt the feelings of anyone and always try to remember that the person could be vulnerable in some way. It is the same face to face with people I don't know well.

I miss the body language and expressions here. In real life I joke a lot but on here people don’t always understand when you are being lighthearted so you have to be careful. I would never,ever be rude to anyone in real life but here things can come over as rude if you disagree. Quite often I just avoid certain topics and people though lately the ones I avoid seem to have gone. Hallelujah. It is a much nicer place now I think.

dogsmother what you are saying always comes through the way it is written. I would sooner read posts like yours than the rantings of some leftwinger who cannot see any humanity in anyone who doesn't share their politicaal views to the letter and extends that lack of humanity to all, public, or private who think differently.

I try not to be hurtful either in real life or on here but as others have said without a smile or any facial expression sometimes it can seem harder than it is meant
Sometimes giving another point of view on a situation can be misinterpreted by the original poster as being hard or unkind sometimes posters just want everyone to say there, there and agree with them and see it as hard hearted or bullying if someone offers a different take on a problem

Any online forum isn’t close to a RL conversation. As others have said, the nuances of body language, particularly facial expression, intonation of language and quick fired exchanges are lost. So, yes I am different on here and other online sites, my language is more ‘ladylike’ for a start! and I can’t banter as I do with friends and good acquaintances.

Baggs

Lucca

And of course many posters only read the OP and then comment, ignoring the rest of the thread.

Yes.

Which is fine.

Which is what I did the other day but I then apologised.

It was only me who felt like a prat anyway.

I noticed that too on a recent thread Beswitched not sure if people don't read all the posts in a thread or are just keen to get their own thoughts down.
I do find it difficult to add a post to a thread when I am just repeating what previous posters have said. I don't want to ignore the OP. Sometimes threads do go on a bit with everyone saying the same thing.

Baggs

Lucca

And of course many posters only read the OP and then comment, ignoring the rest of the thread.

Yes.

Which is fine.

Sorry I don’t agree. It can be completely pointless. For example when OP has returned and said yes I have phoned the doctor and then posters keep going suggesting “”why don’t you phone the doctor”

Or posters come on and just repeat what has been said several times. Why can’t they read the thread and take an interest ?

I agree. Just reading the opening post and then jumping in with a comment is a bit like leaving a conversation to answer the phone and then expecting to come back and pick up where you'd left off without any regard to the fact that the conversation has moved on or taken a different turn.

Even if you don't want to read the whole thread it surely makes sense to read the last few posts to make sure you've some idea of where the discussion is at.

I often read the OP and comment without reading any others. I always apologise in case I’ve missed something, but don’t like to be influenced by other answers. I then read them all once I’ve posted.

So far I’ve never missed much.

VioletSky

Pretty much the same, except in real life I stutter and lose my words/train of thought

Same here.
I have the attention span of a gnat, so I can go back to conversations in here to check where I am.
But I find it easier in here because I can take time to answer!

I would hate to thinking have upset anyone in here!
I try to be fair in my replies.

I think I’m far more cautious, and definitely less spontaneous.
Sometimes I think I sound really bland, because I’m worried I may say something which may cause offence.
It’s hard to judge the people you’re speaking to, and probably in the real world our paths would never cross.
So yes, I’m different.

DiscoDancer1975

I often read the OP and comment without reading any others. I always apologise in case I’ve missed something, but don’t like to be influenced by other answers. I then read them all once I’ve posted.

So far I’ve never missed much.

I think that is a fair point.
Perhaps having any further posts by the OP highlighted in a different colour would help, then we could see if the matter had been resolved and nothing needs to be added.

It's useful to be able to check back through the comments, especially mine lol

I wasn't always like that, I went undiagnosed with Graves thyrotoxicosis and it did a lot of damage before it was picked up. Some things have gone back to normal with treatment and others not so much.

Learning to be OK with that

That must be tough Violetsky.

I have a friend who is quite blunt and often tactless. Because I know she's also kind and compassionate I forgive her the odd hurtful comment.
However on Gransnet, if she posted the way she talks, I would probably find her rude and brusque. So I think not actually knowing other posters, and only having their written comments to go by, can make the more brisk no nonsense ones come across badly at times.

Beswitched, I'm the same in real life - just say what I think, and do try to answer the original poster. I don't read through all the replies.

If somebody has sad news and a few people sympathise, then job done and back to the conversation.

Callistemon

DiscoDancer1975

I often read the OP and comment without reading any others. I always apologise in case I’ve missed something, but don’t like to be influenced by other answers. I then read them all once I’ve posted.

So far I’ve never missed much.

I think that is a fair point.
Perhaps having any further posts by the OP highlighted in a different colour would help, then we could see if the matter had been resolved and nothing needs to be added.

We have asked for this soooooo many times !! Apparently it happens on some versions. Not on my I pad or iPhone.

OP comments are highlighted green for me and mine pink. I'm using a phone but a cheaper android one

Yes my comments always show up on purple and the OP's in green on my phone.

It happens on ‘ Chrome’, so I get it on my phone, but find that awkward. I prefer my iPad, which is ‘ Safari’. So only the original post is green. So annoying isn’t it, and such a basic thing to put right I would have thought.

I tend to stick to political and non-personal debate threads, as the millions of repetitive posts when people haven’t read the thread are boring, and I don’t see the point in posting if nobody is reading. I enjoy a debate in ‘real life’ too, but the difference online is that you can refer people back to what you actually said if they have jumped to conclusions. I do find that that happens a lot on here - you say one thing, and some posters read another, and make huge assumptions to fit their own world view. The ‘one person’s passionate supporter is someone else’s bigot’ thing is more of a truism on here than in real life.

I am probably more direct on here, as ‘in real life’ I am more likely to know the circumstances of people I’m talking to, and can therefore be more tactful. Online you can only respond to what people say, and can’t put it into context unless they have disclosed enough about their lives (and you have remembered). Also, I don’t see pointing out inaccuracies or illogical jumps in arguments as being personal comments - I think this has to be done when people keep using them to twist what others have said, or to divert the conversation away from something that disproves their point of view. In my opinion ‘You are stupid and can’t string a sentence together’ would be a (very) rude and personal comment, but ‘ you have twisted what I said’, or even ‘must you always jump to conclusions?’ is not.

If the OP has asked a question I will answer it, whatever waffle or digression has come in between. I think I come across as abrupt and severe. But I am not like that at all really.