Gransnet forums

Chat

Do you engage differently on gransnet than in real life?

(69 Posts)
Beswitched Tue 28-Sept-21 08:18:44

I've just been on a thread where someone mentioned something pretty heartbreaking going on in their life, and while a couple of subsequent posters sympathised, most just carried on with their own views as if she hadn't spoken. I doubt they'd be so unkind if someone mentioned something like that in real life.

It just got me wondering how many posters engage with people differently on here than in real life?
I think I'm quicker to jump in and express a contrary view, but hope I never dish out personal insults.

LauraNorder Wed 29-Sept-21 11:20:28

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Smileless2012 Wed 29-Sept-21 11:28:04

The thing that really annoys me is when posters attribute something to the OP and other posters that they never said!! Happens a lot especially on threads of a personal and sensitive nature.

Like real life I guess, there are some who are unable/unwilling to accept what someone is saying about their own experience simply because they haven't experienced it themselves, or as you've said Doodledog it's "something that disproves their point of view".

Smileless2012 Wed 29-Sept-21 11:31:35

That's just wrong LauraNorderangry. If you've reported nasty messages then some action should have been taken. It's bad enough when posters are openly aggressive and insulting on a thread because they can hide behind their anonymity, even worse when they're so cowardly they do so via pm's.

sodapop Wed 29-Sept-21 11:37:10

That's awful LauraNorder using private messages like that is cowardly. I agree with Smileless action should have been taken.
I think it's no good trying to second guess a poster's background etc, I just take messages at face value and respond accordingly.

GillT57 Wed 29-Sept-21 11:40:59

That's dreadful Lauranorder, a dreadful abuse of PMs. I rarely used them as anything I want to say I will put on the forum. The exception is a quick message of support when I suspect a member is being hounded or bullied.

LauraNorder Wed 29-Sept-21 11:43:27

Don’t want to derail the thread so we’ll park that there please.
I do think that the vast majority on here are genuinely nice, caring and decent people. Many are going through personal hell in one way or another and yet remain kind to others. Lots of lovely strong characters who I imagine must be the same in real life.
I hope im the same here as in life, I hope I’m not rude to others and would be grateful to be told if I caused offence rather than let resentment fester.

dragonfly46 Wed 29-Sept-21 11:43:58

I think I am the same on here as in real life - or try to be.
I miss the fact that I cannot see the person I am talking to, simply to know what they look like and their facial expressions.

I always read through the threads before commenting and often find someone has already said what I was going to say so I do not comment.

Some days I find GN really fascinating and sometimes I can leave it alone for days at a time. I do prefer talking to friends I can meet.

Beswitched Wed 29-Sept-21 13:41:58

The reason some threads are too long to read in the first place is because so many postets are coming on saying the same thing :

I think you should get legal advice.
I would consult a solicitor if I was you.
Why haven't you spoken to a solicitor.
Have you considered taking legal advice?

And on and on and on.
I do wonder, sometimes why the 10th or 11th poster bothers.

Doodledog Wed 29-Sept-21 13:58:33

Yes, Beswitched. People can’t behave like this in ‘real life’, can they? It must deter a lot of people from posting- it definitely puts me off when I see several posts saying the same thing. You can tell when it’s been a case of cross posting and when people just can’t be bothered to take others’ thoughts on board.

sodapop Wed 29-Sept-21 17:17:06

Sometimes though Doodledog I just want to acknowledge the post and not feel I am ignoring the poster. I usually put that I agree with X previous poster.

Doodledog Wed 29-Sept-21 17:29:13

I think that’s different- of course there will be times when we agree with others, and there’s nothing wrong with saying that, if it’s still relevant. It’s annoying, though when it’s clear that people have only read the OP and ignored 15 pages of replies, then posted to make the a point that has been made 100 times before, and was cleared up right at the start, anyway.

bikergran Wed 29-Sept-21 17:34:57

No This is me here/there or anywhere.

I'm the same on here as real life(hence I don't post anything I would not say to someone face to face) no do I make nasty comments (the same as I wouldn't in real life)

So if you met me you would already know me lol if we have ever chatted in here. smile

bikergran Wed 29-Sept-21 17:37:14

Must admit has been/still are quite a few on GN that I would never like to meet or communicate with in real life.

Hence I sit in a corner watch and learn, I pop in now and again to comment or in need of advice/help etc.

Suits me! smile

Poppyred Wed 29-Sept-21 18:31:44

I agree Bikergran especially on the political threads. I feel sorry for them bleeting on about the same things everyday and jumping down posters throats if they dare to disagree!

Neen Wed 29-Sept-21 18:37:48

It's very hard when your not in front of the person but I guess to remember respect even if you disagree is the key here.
Everyone is facing a battle of some kind and it's not our journey to understand so a little compassion helps. There is always a reason people behave the way they do x

grannyactivist Wed 29-Sept-21 22:48:34

’So if you met me you would already know me lol if we have ever chatted in here.’
Same here bikergran.

Many of my friends and family know who I am on GN and they say they could pick out my posts even if they didn’t know my GN name.

In real life I mix with all sorts of people and at the very least I have learned to accept that everyone (especially people I only meet online) is like an iceberg; only one tenth of who they are is visible to me and I don’t know what shaped the ninety percent I can’t see, therefore I should try not to make too many assumptions about people.

DiscoDancer1975 Thu 30-Sept-21 07:36:12

I tend to cut off at four pages of replies. Beyond that, I simply don’t have the time! When I get mumsnet threads through, they’re usually around 10 plus pages in, with a few hundred replies! No point sending it to me.

It is reassuring though, that gransnet is there if I felt I really needed help with something.

Beswitched Thu 30-Sept-21 09:48:57

bikergran

Must admit has been/still are quite a few on GN that I would never like to meet or communicate with in real life.

Hence I sit in a corner watch and learn, I pop in now and again to comment or in need of advice/help etc.

Suits me! smile

Yes there are one or two posters who sound terribly angry a lot of the time, and if anyone queries or questions any response they make it's like setting off a firework. They are often posters who, when they pick something up incorrectly and this is pointed out to them, continue to rant and basically steamroll on refusing to accept any clarification or explanation.
I do wonder if they're like that in real life, as they must be impossible to live or work with.