Reprimanded (Gently) for Letting My 2-Week-Old Grandson See My Face When Parents Want Him to Go To Sleep

I remember when I held my first GS (not first GC) and spoke softly to him. Babies in the womb are used to hearing the sound of human voices, usually their parents' voices, so it didn't seem like a bad idea. I doubt if looking into his eyes and telling him that one day I'd be coming to his graduation did any harm. Now, 17 years on, he's turned into a wonderful, thoughtful and versatile young man and is applying to Oxford.

NewGranny this and whatever rules were around before, (we probably did similar to our own parents), are all part of the ‘joys’ of being grandparents. Don’t take it to heart.

Any motherly advice I gave to my two as new parents was called old fashioned or out of date. New parents are over anxious and that’s natural so don’t take it to heart if they snap at you. Enjoy your little grandson and his parents will appreciate your support.

New parents are NOT over anxious (in general)

If you had a new family member
AND you are learning from scratch how to take care of baby (bonus points if you have other children in the home)
AND you were healing from birth
AND you are sleep deprived
AND your routine is upside down
AND you are trying to find your new normal
- that is not over anxious, it is called ADAPTING

Dont you remember decades ago when you had kids? Looks like plenty of posters have forgotten

Don't take it to heart, NewGranny, they are anxious new parents and forgotten that no-one has ever had a baby before in the history of the universe ?

They may regret trying this new technique of holding him, smiling at him and talking softly to get him to sleep! If babies are fed and comfortable, they will go to sleep but only if they're tired!
But don't give any advice. Just accept their new-fangled methods. The advice seems to change with each generation.

they are most probably just knackered

In fact, it is the case that relatives of the new baby are over anxious to be involved and to have input on how the baby is raised.

Dont you remember decades ago when you had kids? Looks like plenty of posters have forgotten

I remember it all like it was yesterday!!
They were all different but yes, I was very anxious with the first one.

JaneJudge

they are most probably just knackered

They'll be even more knackered if he gets used to this method of going to sleep!

But don't say a word, NewGranny, just hope he gets out of it before you have to look after him.

M0nica

It is amazing the rules now applied by parents to ensure the well bing of their babies. I cannot imagine how the human race has managed to grow so much given the conditions and circumstances most babies coming into the world now, not to mention the billions that have been born over the aeons of time have been born and brought up.

I can find nothing about this technique of getting a child to sleep online. It seems counter intuitive, since a child gets comfort and reassurance from seeing a familiar face, no matter how indistinct. We have a photo of me and DS when he was only a few weeks old and his eyes are fixated on my face.

I feel much the same, I'm surprised that humanity has survived all these years without the current experts! It seems that new parents like to make a rod for their own backs then they will something else to moan about. When I meet up with friends we enjoy a bit of competitive stupid ideas sharing, can be hilarious.

Not heard the "not looking at" technique for getting a baby to sleep before, especially with such a tiny baby.
Surely that is one way that the connection is made between parents and bub?
It would have been nice if they had told you beforehand on their plans, so please don't feel so rejected.
Personally, swaddling a baby and putting them up against your heartbeat /gently patting their back in a rhythm has always worked best for me, especially with fairly newborns - they have been inside a small dark space ,hearing their mother's heartbeat for nine months and all of sudden they are expected to sleep where they are not confined, in a much lighter space, without that comforting beat .

Hithere

In fact, it is the case that relatives of the new baby are over anxious to be involved and to have input on how the baby is raised.

Not always !!

They are all different and respond differently but getting him used to being walked around, talked to etc without trying putting him gently in a warm cot and see if he goes off to sleep quietly on his own will cause them difficulties later.

I had one who needed walking around - the first, of course - and the others just went off to sleep on their own.

gmarie

Eye contact is engaging and will often make a drowsy baby fight to stay awake. The poor parents are probably exhausted and may have reacted a little snappishly.

Let any resentment go.

I remember this idea being around when mine were young.

But it's not about the idea it's about the fact that they felt you overstepped the mark.
Of course you didnt mean to.
They have put you straight. Just accept it and move on.

You are involved in your gc life enjoy it.

I remember this idea being around when mine were young

I do remember with DC and DGC, not making eye contact when they were drowsy or if they stirred and I crept in to see if they were all right.

However, this father is using a slightly different method.

Dont worry too much about this.. there will be another technique along in a couple of weeks...I have no idea how the human species has survived.. and thrived.. before techniques were invented!!
Deep breath and move on... it wont be the last time your feelings are crushed and you are infirmed you do it wrong!!

Well, what fun it is going to be if baby will only sleep in dad's arms, good luck to them with that one! Don't worry about any of this we are awash with ideas, techniques, books etc on how to get baby to sleep I doubt many of them work if baby has decided not to sleep. Very soon you will be able to interact with the little chap eye contact and all. Biggest tip - say nothing and keep smiling.

What I picked up from this post was that NewGranny hadn't seen him for a couple of days, suggesting that previously she had seen him more often. Perhaps what the parents were subtly trying to tell her was not to visit so often! They are still learning to be parents and bond with their baby and perhaps they would prefer to do it without anyone else around.

Maybe it would be better to gradually increase the time between visits - at least for now. Don't make a big deal of it, just find other things to do - see if they want help with shopping or cooking etc. If you're going to be the primary caregiver later on, you'll have plenty of time to get to know your grandson.

It is a minefield isn`t it, I do feel for you it is so easy to get it wrong. I am sure most of us are guilty of causing some slight that we don`t mean.
New parents though, trying to get it right themselves.

There will always be so called baby care experts who would like to convince young parents that they have all the answers on all things baby related.
They will, naturally have books to flog to accompany their pearls of wisdom!

Most of us I’m sure, remember just muddling through and somehow our little bundles of joy grew up unscathed to reproduce themselves and so the cycle continues!

They should have said they were trying to get him off to sleep! But it’s hardly a new method- my daughter’s ten and if my OH was putting her to sleep I’d have to remind him not to make eye contact or she’d never get off! Although at that age, she mostly fell asleep at the boob!

Move on !

Cut the parents some slack and remember your early baby days. My babies were little s***s to get to sleep and I was on my knees - I’d’ve tried this technique if it had been around. Although you will have childcare later let Mum and Dad have time and space to adjust. If you are of “a certain age” you may be emotionally sensitive as well as being thrilled with a new grandchild. The parents were trying to be kind with you, perhaps they need you to back off a little, you will have lots of fun times in the future. All the best to everyone - being the best family you can be isn’t always easy.

Try not to take it to heart. I think we do because our hearts are open, especially with a new baby; the parents are usually just exhausted and all of us snap more when we are tired.
I think new parents are super-sensitive, and I think I was the same. The important thing is to put it in perspective and recognise that all parents have to do it their own way.

I have came home at least a couple of times and cried when I was hurt at being reprimanded because I did something 'wrong' - or at least that's how I felt at the time.
When you are a new grandparent it is like walking on eggshells. In addition, modern mums tend to be very book oriented, such and such a book says this etc etc. With time, this tends to wear off. I do try to keep quiet at times, but often get told off for nagging my daughter, when it's often more of a reaction to what she's just told me. And then being a mother, I feel bad, even though I can see it's pointless!

Let it go. They’re shattered new parents and are trying anything that will work!