Annoyed with dinner guest

Actually I've always hated dinner parties. So much planning, shopping and spending hours in the kitchen. I'm not very organised and l seem to pick the dishes that take ages to prepare and require last minute cooking. I really sympathize with anyone who does all that work only to be told " actually we are not very hungry ". This happened to me once, only once mind . Some guests arrived who l didn't know really well. I wanted to impress them with my gourmet skills. Hours in the kitchen and l felt like a wet rag. They arrived saying " l hope you haven't got a huge meal planned tonight we had such a late lunch we really are not at all hungry." I ended up in tears in the bathroom after having drunk far too much wine. My husband was furious, the guests left in a mood and l was to blame. Never again. From now on ,no more dinner parties.

My brother’s friend, known as a picky eater, once came into my house, looked at the starters all ready to go and declared he wouldn’t eat that crap. He then asked what was for main course, when I told him he declared he wouldn’t eat that either. I asked if he liked pizza? Yes was the reply. I dug one out of the freezer and he had that while the rest of us tucked into some delicious food. He has improved slightly but my brother will tell him that he isn’t invited to dinner but is welcome to come afterwards. He doesn’t seem to mind this at all.
My brother will always ask people whether they have any dietary needs, if the answer is that they are vegan or won’t eat spicy food they aren’t invited. Having said this, he is the best host ever.

Not exactly good friends are they? Thoughtless, selfish, inconsiderate, lacking in good manners….the list could go on.
Seriously, how could anyone think that choosing to eat beforehand , knowing that that the hosts would have been labouring over a meal, was acceptable behaviour?
I understand the stories about misunderstandings etc but deliberately choosing to eat when en route to a dinner seems wildly rude to me.

I totally agree that it's rude not to tell you before arriving. But the lack of omega 3 is not due to being vegan but due to a bad diet. I eat vegan as so do many others. Sadly I lost a friend some years ago and she was a pescatarian. I think people just don't understand the effort people put into preparing a meal. Whatever the choice of diet they follow. I once cooked meat for 2 people who never turned up. Never again as so much food wasted. They eat veggie or vegan or decline the invite.

I would much rather go out to eat. It is very difficult to refuse an invitation to somebodies house as what ever excuse or reason you come up with they can reschedule to a more suitable date.

I have often found that the cook has gone to so much effort but the results are not as good as they think. Then there is the ‘what do you think of the starter, sauce etc..’. Expecting rave reviews , which of course you give reinforcing the mistaken belief they can cook,then as you liked it so much will invite you again.

How lovely of you to go to the trouble - that's caring.
How callous of them to take it for granted - that's rude.
Reminds me of the saying, 'Familiarity breeds contempt'

This reminds me of something that my brother and sister in law did once. They are very quiet and have no children and always seem to look left out at family gatherings. I decided to invite them for tea on a Sunday so that it would be just 4 of us and we could have a proper chat. I went to a lot of trouble, as I always do, making sandwiches cakes etc. They were late arriving and said that they had been shopping and also had something to eat while they were at it. I was fuming to say the least and vowed never to invite them on their own again.

Eat out always.

Scones

It's very rude.

I feel your pain Beswitched. I've stopped cooking for people now. I've never enjoyed it, never been any good at it and it's blooming hard work. Everyone I know seems so picky about food - on a diet, only eating carbs or some such, no cheese, no cucumber, on a diet, no dairy, no mushrooms, no peas - PEAS I ask you!!

It seems we're all meant to love 'entertaining' or even worse 'hosting' now...but it's a chore for me. Hasten to add I turn down invitations to eat at other's houses too. If I eat with friends we eat out.

... at last - now I know I'm not the only woman who doesn't 'love' entertaining friends for dinner.

I've never enjoyed it - though I do like to experiment with cooking, but only in my own time and for my own and other half's enjoyment.

Having friends round and good conversation and 'catch-ups' with those you haven't seen for some time for me, has to be done in an atmosphere of calm and unhurried pleasure... just not really possible when you're in and out of the kitchen for a good part of the evening.

I do the same as you - and fortunately am able to afford it - eat out. But try to make sure to choose somewhere appropriate for relaxing conversations...

Yes it’s very rude, she could have easily said “ I’m really sorry
But my friend has invited me and now catered for me”
I would be very disappointed and certainly wouldn’t be inviting her again, in fact I’d be concerned just how much of a friend she really is???

Going to a lot of trouble preparing a meal mean you expect compliments, guests know that.

That drives me nuts when people do that, so rude. A friend and her partner came to stay with me years ago and when I asked was there something special they would like for dinner. They then went out sight seeing on their own while I stood and prepared their meal, a pavlova, the lot. They then came back and said they had a huge lunch and weren't very hungry. I was fuming and felt like smashing the pavlova in their faces.

Definitely very rude. Even Geraldine Granger in the Vicat of Dibley had 3 full Christmas Dinners as not to upset anyone! Don't bother to invite them anymore

I would be very hurt and also annoyed if this happened to me! Haven't these people ever entertained? I can only assume they haven't or they would know the effort involved. However well you know your guests there's always a lot of work. Not to mention some expense as well. It would be a long time before I asked them again!

We invited a couple who purported to be wealthy with whom we had become friends whilst met caravanning who lived some distance away to come for the weekend. There were no complaints from them about the food roast beef for dinner and full breakfast the next morning. They invited us back. When we arrived at a small terraced housethey said they had forgotten we were coming. Sat around chatting but no signs of food until she said I suppose we must find something to eat. What arrived was some very watery tasteless stew
followed by tinned peaches. We retired to a very cold bedroom and had to but our coats on to in bed keep warm.
Next morning there was no sign of life so we got up and I made some breakfast with what little food was in the cupboard and left leaving a note.
We never heard from them again.

Did you enjoy their company though?
I invite people round for fish & chips
I love having time to join in & listen to them. I get the orders in beforehand & so know everyone gets what they need.
I provide Prosecco & they bring the tipple of their choice & non alcohol drinking friends don't feel embarrassed or have to explain their choices.
Fir me it's about the friendships not the food so much.
We had 18 round to us one evening, great fun xxx

I've had this happen to me a few times, it's so very inconsiderate.
I love cooking for friends and family, and my lot are no trouble, they are vegan, but eat everything I cook with gusto and there are never any leftovers.
I have, however, had some disastrous events where one or more of the guests had allergies, or didn't 'do' dairy, wheat, citrus, etc., etc.
I'm cool with dietary problems, but it would be only reasonable to inform your host if there are foods you can't eat.
I'm also careful now to cook dishes which have leftover potential , so if my guests have little appetite, I can enjoy the remains another day!

I think it is very rude of your friend too.
Having said that, one of our friend was such a terrible cook (fortunately usually served in small portions) that I usually cooked us a light supper before we went there. That way we could eat what we could of her offering and not be sitting there with a growling stomach.
He would never have said that he'd already eaten though and always thanked her appreciatively for the meal.

I've never really known someone to turn down a meal I'd cooked, my circle seems very greedy and would manage two lots of dinner easily ..... I'd be annoyed op.

Bijou

We invited a couple who purported to be wealthy with whom we had become friends whilst met caravanning who lived some distance away to come for the weekend. There were no complaints from them about the food roast beef for dinner and full breakfast the next morning. They invited us back. When we arrived at a small terraced housethey said they had forgotten we were coming. Sat around chatting but no signs of food until she said I suppose we must find something to eat. What arrived was some very watery tasteless stew
followed by tinned peaches. We retired to a very cold bedroom and had to but our coats on to in bed keep warm.
Next morning there was no sign of life so we got up and I made some breakfast with what little food was in the cupboard and left leaving a note.
We never heard from them again.

What a very weird experience Bijou.

If you are invited to dinner you surely expect to eat a dinner! I can’t believe how rude people can be - why accept the invitation In the first place. Don’t ask them again x

I agree this behaviour is exceedingly rude and like you I would have been hurt and angry if a guest had done the same.

How good a friend is this lady?

If you want to continue inviting her for a meal, I suggest you say next time you issue an invitation, but please this time don't eat before you get here.

Alternately, you could ask her round for coffee and mention how hurtful you had found this incident.

Is that what you call them ?friends? For starters don't invite them again then get yourself new friends.Take it from there.

JdotJ

Scones

It's very rude.

I feel your pain Beswitched. I've stopped cooking for people now. I've never enjoyed it, never been any good at it and it's blooming hard work. Everyone I know seems so picky about food - on a diet, only eating carbs or some such, no cheese, no cucumber, on a diet, no dairy, no mushrooms, no peas - PEAS I ask you!!

It seems we're all meant to love 'entertaining' or even worse 'hosting' now...but it's a chore for me. Hasten to add I turn down invitations to eat at other's houses too. If I eat with friends we eat out.

I'm one of those who are repulsed by Peas. I know, I know, everyone tells me how incongruous they are etc etc but it harps back to my childhood when my mum, eager to get me to eat my veg, hid peas under the mashed potato. I then unwittingly scooped up a fork full and ate them! To this day, some 50 years later, I can recall the event as if it were yesterday. Yuck. The thought of peas on my plate literally makes me retch.

@JdotJ Much the same happened to my DH as a child, his mother used to stuff boiled potatoes with very overcooked cabbage, sometimes it actually made him retch (or worse). Still today he hates brassicas and spinach.

We once went to dinner with neighbours, having warned them beforehand about his hatred of these vegetables. She cooked us a lasagne with spinach in layers all the way through it and glowered at him when he simply picked out what he could and left the rest. I think it is just so rude to ask what people don't like and then serve it.

Bijou.
How weird ?are you sure it was their house ?Strange folk around. Nothing surprises these days