Is this the norm now?

Why are people so quick to try to take offence? Nothing in the invite says anyone HAS to give money, it states that for those would like to do so, a method has been put in place for them tomake this pleasant and easy.

If you wish to purchase a small gift - and take the chance that it something tney will want and use or keep, then do so.

I personally would be pleased to do as the parents suggest.
However, if it makes you uncomfortable, then don't.

All families have different expectations of the slightly more distant relatives.

In our non-Christian family, there are no 'christenings' so the 'greats' mostly have a 'gathering' for the 1st birthday at which gifts are given. I then don't normally give any more birthday gifts.

If you want to be polite, but not get 'sucked in', I would suggest writing / saying "It is lovely to get the invitation. Although we won't normally be buying gifts for Jemima, we are pleased to celebrate her first birthday by contributing to her savings"

I think it is sensible to suggest people give money rather than gifts - most babies are overloaded with stuff already. By adding your name it lets them know you have given a gift to your niece and they can thank you for it. (Hopefully they are polite enough to do so).

Just give £5 or £10, whatever you feel comfortable with. Don't feel you have to do it for every birthday though. Maybe a 1st birthday is a little special. You can ignore the others, or even this one, if you wish.

I find suggesting money mercenary if I chose to give money thats one thing but for it to be suggested I don’t like that at all
I don’t even like the idea of weddings asking for money My friend suggested people gave money so they could have a nice honeymoon, then they divorced a year later.

I have to send money to my older grandkids living overseas and although it’s the sensible thing to do I find it so impersonal and nothing of ‘me’ is in it It’s just a transaction

It really does depend on individuals and, to a certain extent, cultures. In some cultures, and some families, giving money is regarded as sensible and helpful.

I was, in common with many young children in working class families, given money by family & friends at my birth and christening, put into an account with the local Building Society. It was added to at birthdays & Christmas. It was very clear to me that this was an act of kindness and love - it was talked of as being for my future.
When we bought our first home, I withdrew that money to form part of the deposit, and the Building Society took my savings history into account when granting us a mortgage.

I feel that every house we have ever owned has a little bit of those savings in it.

I consider it mercenary and rude.

Seems a brilliant idea to me saves the house getting over run with plastic rubbish and at least they are planning ahead for her. I don't see that this is any different to putting £10.00 in a card. They would know who has given what then to.

62Granny

Seems a brilliant idea to me saves the house getting over run with plastic rubbish and at least they are planning ahead for her. I don't see that this is any different to putting £10.00 in a card. They would know who has given what then to.

This exactly! Imagine the amount of tat they already have. Saving for the children is way better. Also it is just a suggestion!

Also it does say "for those wanting to gift money" it isn't asking for a specific amount you could buy something if you prefer but you have said yourself you haven't seen them often so you won't know what the child has.

Surely, if they don't want a load of 'tat' the polite thing is to state on the invitation that no presents are required.

By giving details of a bank account you are hinting, none to subtly, that you want guests to hand over cash. It's extremely rude and vulgar in my opinion.

Yes, some people will decide for themselves to give money. That is their choice and totally different.

Wow people are really over thinking this. Key word is "if". people like to give..even if you tell them not to. All they have done is suggest the best way..i doubt they even considered for a moment it would be offensive

We actually asked our AC to set up an account for their children so that we could pay money in for them for bigger presents rather than getting stuff -toys, books, games - which will only collect dust. Together with money paid in by the other grandparents they can put it towards a new bike, or, when they are bigger, maybe a computer or a trip abroad.

Don't see anything wrong with it.

Hugely different Jacky, you did this yourself- it was not 'imposed' on you.

I’m happy either way. For abroad family I send money and for the older grandchildren here. I see the younger ones twice every week so know their interests and consult with parents about their presents.

As I’m on a limited budget £20 each is the amount for Christmas and birthdays. They have so much stuff unused that if in doubt I buy craft stuff. I don’t like to buy plastic tat so I leave that for others to buy.

I think it depends on the relationship. If my DD said, 'DGS is swimming in toys, he really doesn't need more, IF you want to give, can you do this?' I'd be fine with it.

But from someone you barely know or have a tenuous relationship with it smacks of greed, frankly.

The baby is going to be one - for some new parents that’s a significant birthday and, to me, it’s natural that they want all their extended family to share it. However, at that age babies have literally everything they need and so from a purely pragmatic point of view it seems eminently sensible to enable a direct monetary gift, for those who want to do this.

I would be at the front of the queue to gift in this way. It would save me both time and effort and ten gifts at an average spend of £10 would be a nice little sum for the baby, and preferable to risking buying something duplicated or unnecessary.

Sending out bank details with an invitation is grasping in my opinion, particularly to a distant relative that you hardly know.

But the baby would nt smile and chuckle and be happy with something in its hands, to me it’s so impersonal and cold

I think that is so sensible! Contribute to the child’s future rather than buying some tat!

What a sensible idea. A one year old need so little and is so often inundated with toys. You do not have to put your money on the slip, so it can always appear as an anonymous donation.

How does it differ from giving an older child cash in hand or a voucher, which will have the value on it.

JackyB

We actually asked our AC to set up an account for their children so that we could pay money in for them for bigger presents rather than getting stuff -toys, books, games - which will only collect dust. Together with money paid in by the other grandparents they can put it towards a new bike, or, when they are bigger, maybe a computer or a trip abroad.

Don't see anything wrong with it.

But did you expect this to be passed on to more distant relatives with suggestions that they might also like to contribute?

Beginning to wonder how many posters on here have had AC doing something similar and are therefore defending it. I cannot imagine any of my friends or family doing anything like that. It would just be considered so odd and rude

I think we need to remember that MeowWow has actually been invited to the birthday party, in which case surely she would be taking a present of some description anyway?
If she prefers not to go she could just send a card.

Not actually seen a message like that for a child's gift but I wouldn't get upset about it. They're not asking you to do it - they may be responding to requests from other family members. They don't necessarily expect everyone to do it, especially those who are not immediate family. It's been the norm for years for weddings/engagements to tell people where to buy gifts, or where to send money.

For a child that young that I don't expect to see much of I would probably be more inclined to just buy a lovely teddy or something anyway. But then I wouldn't have invited all and sundry to a first birthday either.