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Is this the norm now?

(63 Posts)
MeowWow Sat 16-Oct-21 11:10:35

Greetings to all GNs ☺️ I’m new on here and would like your views on the following……

I recently received a birthday invitation for my great niece’s 1st birthday. I’ve seen her once since she was born and to be fair, I don’t really have much contact with my nephew and his wife (niece), but that’s beside the point.

On the invitation is a paragraph saying “for those that want to gift money, ABC has her own bank account so please put your name on the deposit so it will appear on her statement and she can see who it’s from when she’s old enough”.

Is this the norm now? I’ve never seen anything like this before, have any of you? ☺️

Amberone Sat 16-Oct-21 21:21:30

But did you expect this to be passed on to more distant relatives with suggestions that they might also like to contribute?

Beswitched but they haven't done that have they? All they said is 'for those who want to'.

Grannynannywanny Sat 16-Oct-21 21:25:26

I’m inclined to think a baby’s first birthday celebration is for immediate family such as grandparents and any siblings of the parents and their children.

Throwing the net wider and inviting relatives you normally have little to do with doesn’t sit comfortably with me. Especially when the invitation includes bank account details for a money transfer.

Beswitched Sat 16-Oct-21 21:28:17

Amberone

^But did you expect this to be passed on to more distant relatives with suggestions that they might also like to contribute?^

Beswitched but they haven't done that have they? All they said is 'for those who want to'.

Which I think is rude and pressurising people, who in some cases have little contact with your child, to donate money towards their future.

M0nica Sat 16-Oct-21 21:38:06

I cannot see the pressure. It is an open invitation to those that want to give money. Not everyone will and they are clearly free to give something else - or nothing at all.

So many of things people consider pressures are self -inflicted pressures.

Kim19 Sat 16-Oct-21 22:18:12

I think it sounds rather neat as an option. Entirely at your discretion, of course.

MeowWow Sun 17-Oct-21 09:42:12

Thank you all, for your input ?

In the past I have always gifted all my great nieces and nephews on their first birthday and as they got older I’d put money in their birthday cards. I stopped doing the money in with the card though due to the huge family I have (and it’s still growing) and costs becoming way too high.

I have every intention of gifting ABC on her first birthday but I won’t be going to the party as I’ll be away.

At the time I thought it strange that bank details were included on the invite. I was not offended by it. I was just curious to know what others thought. Now I know ?

Once again, thank you for taking the time to comment ? Enjoy your day ?

Beswitched Sun 17-Oct-21 09:46:28

I have never ever seen or heard of this in real life. But going by the comments on here it is obviously the norm in some families.

Just not something I would like to see any of my family do.

luluaugust Sun 17-Oct-21 10:01:56

I would be sending a good old fashioned cheque along with a pretty card. If I was actually attending the party of a one year old I would take a box of wooden bricks, ours have become family heirlooms!

Nannarose Sun 17-Oct-21 10:18:02

Thank you MeoWow for returning to let us know what you thought of our comments. I too have found them interesting.
It seems that there is a scale that goes;

Money: From 'sensible' to 'mercenary'
Gift: from 'useless' to 'makes the baby smile' and even 'heirloom'

What I haven't got a sense of is how important gifts of money are in various families. As I said, in mine it was, literally, a life changer; and I would think that still applied in many families today.

SpringyChicken Sun 17-Oct-21 10:20:49

I give to two of my great nieces because both parents are only children. The girls have no aunts or uncles or cousins and only one set of grandparents since my brother and his wife died. Their father, my nephew, makes the effort to keep in touch with us. I don’t give to any other ‘greats’ and wouldn’t recognise them if we passed in the street.

Once you start down the present-giving route, you’ll find it awkward to stop. Christmas will be next. I wouldn’t attend or make a gift. Nor would I give an excuse for not attending as it leaves the door open to send you another invite.

Redhead56 Sun 17-Oct-21 10:22:41

I would send a multi-stores gift card with a birthday card.

annodomini Sun 17-Oct-21 10:25:36

I don't send gifts to my sisters' GC and my sisters don't send to mine. After some time, it gets out of hand! Our own GC are quite enough. Most of mine don't need hand-outs but sometimes it's difficult to think of actual gifts for teenagers who already have part-time incomes - in two cases, 'proper' full-time jobs.