What have you finally made peace with?

Kandinsky....this sounds like my story. How did you set yourself free?

Life gives us tests at times, before we’ve had the lessons ! Some heart wrenching bits on here that ladies have had to go through.
I’ve forgiven myself for the men I chose, my knights in shining armour turned out p——s in tin foil ! I choose to be single now and wallow in inner peace.
Like many ladies, I have a fractious relationship with a controlling mum. I accepted a few years ago that we will never bond, and I know I’ve done absolutely everything I can to rectify this, I now stop trying. I balance this in my mind with the wonderful relationship I have with my 3 AC and their partners plus my 5GC, and many lovely friends. So Mum actually pales into insignificance. Incredibly sad, but it’s true.

Getting older and realising that I know so little about either my mother's or father's family histories. Like many of those who appear on 'Who Do You Think You Are', the need to know doesn't seem to arise until it is too late and the majority of those who give answers are no longer with us.
My paternal GM was a very wealthy woman but cut my father off because he didn't obey her rules. From what I have managed to source I think he was illegitimate - don't know if he knew this and whether this was why her legitimate son inherited!!
Life and times change all too rapidly.

I have accepted that my mother was emotionally abusive and toxic, I cut her out of my life for 40yrs until her death
I also accept that I’m estranged from my siblings
But I can’t forgive myself for hurting my ex husband or my best friend 30 and forty years ago

I regret not being able to help my mum (who couldn't speak after an operation) from my horrible abusive stepfather. I was married with 3 children and lived miles away but I should have informed social services.

The fact that I'll never get an apprenticeship!

That I’m never going to know my granddaughters in NZ or see my DS more than once a year max.
That my brother will never admit to it or apologise for sexually abusing me when I was a child.
I try to enjoy life and don’t let these things get me down as I am a very positive person.

There are some incredibly brave people here whether they have made peace or not

My son has cut all contact with me since I divorced his father 13 years ago. One of my two daughters has sadly grown from a lovely little girl, into a self entitled, irritable, selfish adult. She appeared constantly irritated by me and all of our interactions had me walking on egg shells whenever I was with her. Also she only ever contacted me when she wanted something for herself. I never heard from her otherwise. It became apparent that whenever I visited her, or she visited me (to use my home as a hotel base to catch up with old friends), it affected my mood and I was often depressed for weeks after. Eventually, 3 1/2 years ago, I called her on it. She (surprisingly?) admitted that she only contacted me when she wanted my help with something and I said that I was no longer willing to be a door mat and wasn’t prepared to have contact on that basis any longer. There has been very little contact since then. I have tried several times to encourage her to have a more natural relationship, for us both to try. She never responds. I have now made peace with the situation. We all have flaws, but I believe I’m a good person and if they don’t like me for who I am (they don’t really know me. They never bothered to try), then so be it!

I've made peace with nearly everything in my life. I dont speak to my family at all and it use to worry me a lot but then I have a calm life and I can make my own decisions and its definitely peaceful. Sometimes I think of things that happened in the past but I say to myself thats all in the past now and ive moved on. So I feel happy and thats what matters to me

Lucca

I am not able to make peace with any of my regrets mistakes etc. Many have suggested talking about it but I don’t want to. There are many things I’d prefer not to think about ever again.
I just muddle through now !

I totally agree with you.

This thread reminded me of the Desderata
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
In times when I have lingering doubts I try to remember this.

What an emotionally powerful thread. I identify with many of the issues here some of which I've basically come to terms with.
But the biggest wound I've been dealing with for 11 years is living at a distance from my grandchildren, which seemed to swallow up all my other pain and trigger it all. Not helped by a daughter to whom I feel desperately guilty about moving away from, the reason was husbands work. She is in a happy marriage and has lots of friends. When Iget the train 5hours, to visit she is often offhand and irritable, and I get very depressed about it.

I have made peace with the fact that I cannot make my family like each other and I have to just stand back and let them work it out for themselves

I have now accepted that I’m better off without my sister in my life, it was always a toxic relationship and I’m better off with no contact , it’s been like this for many years now and I’m missing nothing.
I accept I lost my darling parents, they were good to me and I hope I never failed them as I grew.
I’ve also accepted I will never get my darling son and his step dad to be friends, I’ve stopped playing piggy in the middle ,they are adults and have made their decisions.
I love them both separately but we will never be a family team.

I so wish I could make peace with my demons. I try but they always rise to the surface again as I believe it's a punishment for being so horrible to my lovely Mum when I was in my teens. I continually try to work out why I became the wild child that I was from the age of 14 until I was 20 and met the man who is now my husband. I worried my poor Mum for all those years and although I tried to be the perfect daughter in my adult years I still crucify myself every day for making her so unhappy for so long which she no way deserved. ?

I have lots of regrets that come to me in the middle of the night.
When I get up to a new day I try to live my life like the song of Edith Piaffs, "Regrets I have non".
A new day, a new life going forward, we can't undo the past and ours and others actions but we can try to be different in the future.

Is it to make peace or to come to terms with whatever it is?Thats what I wonder about.
Trying to make peace with extended family ie.in-laws who are rascist knowing very little about a different persons culture or life. Having a mixed culture gd has shown us what they are like so no can’t and won’t make peace.
Coming to terms with a lot of things and trying not to have regrets and to move on. IF only, how many times has that been said.

I have enjoyed reading OP's comments here, it has given me some insight into my own psyche. I am human and done things I'm ashamed of but have eventually forgiven myself and hope I have learned from it. It's such a good sounding board this thread, thank you Kandinsky for posting this :0)

STELLA14 I sympathise as I am in a similar situation. I haven't seen my son for 8 years now. Most of the time I try to count my blessings for the family that I do have, but his birthday is always hard.

Another one who was never good enough for my mother.
She always resented me and continually told me that when I was born it ruined her life.
She died 10 years ago.When she was very ill I did all I could to help but it was never right and she pushed me away all the time.
I feel at peace with it all now,she was a very bitter woman and I could never have changed that.

What do you do when you can't make peace with the past? I had a wonderful childhood with loving parents and siblings I met and married a man, who I later found out had been having sex with my maid of honour on our wedding day, and with her and several others over the years. We divorced and I was a single mom for about 10 years, then met my second partner. I thought we were happy for over 20 years, then found out that he had been the same as my first for all that time. I've been on my own again for several years, and am sad and lonely, but cannot forget or trust any more. I don't think I will ever be at peace. Without my lovely family, I sometimes wonder if I would even have survived.

Love reading your thoughts about this and wondered, would any of you wise ladies be kind enough to give me your advice on how you have made peace with the things you have. I’m struggling, I guess, with acceptance of so many things. Thank you x

Supergranuation

I so wish I could make peace with my demons. I try but they always rise to the surface again as I believe it's a punishment for being so horrible to my lovely Mum when I was in my teens. I continually try to work out why I became the wild child that I was from the age of 14 until I was 20 and met the man who is now my husband. I worried my poor Mum for all those years and although I tried to be the perfect daughter in my adult years I still crucify myself every day for making her so unhappy for so long which she no way deserved. ?

Time to forgive yourself for this. Adolescence is an emotionally and hormonally turbulent time. The brain isn’t fully developed until 22/24. You only treated your mother badly during that short period. My youngest daughter changed from the loveliest child to a horrible adolescent and never came back. She is 39 now, and is still obnoxious. I would be so delighted and relieved if she had come back to me at 20. You were a good daughter and you mother wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up for a few years of adolescent bad behaviour. ?

I've made peace with the fact my son who haven't spoke to me or his 2 sisters for nearly 10 years all due to his controlling partner. For many years we tried and tried to reconcile but with no avail so one day I decided that life was to short to continue to worry about the situation and put it to the back of my mind it still pops in to my thoughts every now and then but the anxiety has past