Do you tell your AC arrangements for when you die??

A short discusion, as my son doesnt like talking about dying. After the sudden death of my husband I was in complete turmoil as I had no idea where to start. I did not want to put my son through the same turmoil, so I asked my son if he would be ok with me not having a full on funeral just a simple cremation ( no attendees) he said he was. I want my son to remember me as me not just a body in a box ! I have written a to do list for him in order of importance after my death, this plus my will and other papers I have given him to look after and I have copies at home.

My older brother still hasnt written a will and I keep on at him to do one!

I think we should make preparations for death. I do not want treatment from the NHS. I will make arrangements with dignitas sooner rather than later. I think we should take responsibility for own own death. It is something that will give me peace. Peace is essential for a good life.

hazel93

Apart from making a will which is obviuosly important we have also drawn up an enduring Power of Attorney for my son which I feel is just as crucial.
Waiting for probate can take quite a while as I have found on several occassions, this way he will be able to access everything he needs once we die.

As mentioned already Hazel, Power of Attorney ceases, for the person who has been granted it, the second you die. Its a misnomer that it can be used after a person's death. It can't, it's then invalid.

Yes, this is simple for me. I have arranged for my body to go for research, and there is to be no funeral, no newspaper notice, and I specifically do not want family phoning around everyone to say I have died.

My brother in laws parents told him where everything was - in fact he and my sister took them to the solicitors for the will and arranged all of the necessary paperwork was in a particular place in te house, all together in one folder.
Not only that but his parents had both pre-arranged and paid for their funerals, including where they wanted it, hymns, readings and so on.
Both had had health problems before they passed away so at least my BiL , at a very difficult time, knew just what to do.
Unfortunately, my mother died unexpectedly so it was just guesswork as far as the funeral was concerned - I only knew that she wanted to be cremated after a conversation we had several years before, when an uncle died- my dad didn't even remember that!
As one that has been left behind after parents have gone, I just wish that I had been told it all in advance - nothing worse than worrying if you have done the right thing!

Mine know where all the paperwork is kept.

Franbern Totally with you on this one. We can make things as smooth as possible for when we die. As I too was the only one who dealt with our daddy’s funeral and property/furniture disposal.

I have booked and paid for my burial and plot in the bluebell woods at Herongate in Essex. I don’t have the best relationship with my daughter but she is aware of all of my plan. My 19 year old granddaughter lives with me and I’m having bite size chunks of information with her on a regular basis as what to do in the event that I’m here dead and she should be ‘first on scene’.

They know want to be cremated

My Mother in law has just died and DH and S-in-L have had to sort out everything from scratch, it has been very stressful. My mother has bought a funeral plan . She has told me where she wants her cremation and what she wants in the service. Having seen what DH has gone through I am grateful to her.

Totally agree transparency should be given before, hopefully this will prevent disagreements among siblings/beneficiaries. Also gives them a chance for any input they may have so you can discuss this with them prior to your death .

I have a tin with all documents in it and my children know where it is. It has my birth certificate my bank details and I have written many other things, like password to get into computer. I have also paid for my cremation, I booked it with Pure cremation, sounds just what I need. The only thing family need to do is to phone them, they collect the body they do the cremation then return the ashes to next of kin. I don't have to worry about it at all.

I have made a will and have a little book obtained from Funeral director who gave a talk at a ladies club,this book is so good there is space for all sorts of things already listed which one can fill in acording to wishes, this is a good thing in case you end up in a care home, your likes and dislikes which are important.I have contacted the Priest in our old family Church in the UK as I wish my ashes to be scattered in the memorial garden there,he has given his approval, this all sounds weird but I dont want my chidren to have to have a lot of hassle when the time comes, with living abroad ther is bound to be a lot or red tape, as someone said it wont be my worry, but why should it be my childrens worry,I want as much sorted as possible.

Having dealt with both my parents estates I can only say that a valid Will is essential (I’d really emphasise that a straightforward Will made by a solicitor is not expensive but can save a lot of heartache). The second thing, and this is not morbid, is talking about what matters when you die - for example, do you have a preference for cremation or burial? What kind of funeral? While you might not be there, you grieving family would like to think they are honouring your wishes and clarity over what you would want makes it easier for those left behind. Not part of my own experience, but I’ve also seen how a POA can help - or lack of one, hinder, end of life care. I don’t think it’s morbid, we will all die, and I do think the earlier these conversations are had, the easier.

I have made a will and put in that I want a simple cremation. When discussing it with my dd she was most put out that I didn't want a funeral for "everyone else". She was told it was my wish to just be taken away and cremated, no fuss and then a celebration of life party with all my favourite tunes played as loud as possible and everyone up dancing. I am currently sorting out my jewellery and taking it to sell as my dd only wants a couple of pieces and would sell the rest so I might as well have the money and put it towards a holiday or something. I have decided to gift my ac money throughout the year to save the government getting their hands on it and then losing out. I am another who is considering dignitas as I do not want to end up like a few relatives with dementia and be kept alive but have no life? My mother had arranged and paid for her funeral and it made things so easy but wish she had cleared her house a bit ? Sensible to get these things in order to save your children from the stress.

My 3AC don't like talking about it, but they know where all my info is. I’ve written a Will, and left them details of insurances, investments, bank details, passwords for everything etc I’ve also written my own Eulogy and music requests for my cremation. I just feel it’s distressing enough when loved ones are lost, so I believe in making everything as easy as possible.

My Mother died in May and she’d told my siblings and I that she had a funeral plan. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case, so we had to scramble the money together for a basic non attendee funeral. This was just one of the things we had to unravel whilst dealing with her death (through cancer at home and my brother and I had looked after her for months, around the clock and were exhausted).
I suppose I’m saying anything you can do to assist AC after your death will lessen their burden even though they will in the throes of shock (no matter, how it was expected in our case).
She died in March and Probate still hasn’t gone through. Is this time delay to be expected?

I am in the middle of getting everything organised. Decided on my 70th birthday a few weeks ago that we needed to get things sorted. Our will is really out of date so we are in the middle of rewriting that. We both want a Simple Cremation and our ashes returned to either one of us or the children depending on how it works out. We have spoken to them and they have no problem with that. I am in the process of getting that paid. I want my ashes scattered in local woodlands and I have written a poem that can be read when they scatter them. Then I have told them that DH or I would like family and friends to have a get together to celebrate our lives. Also in next few weeks will let the know where they can find all the info to get into my accounts. Then what is to happen to the dog and the cats. My head has been spinning over the last few weeks but it has to be done.

funeral arrangements , yes, done a pre paid plan
when dh dying caught us all unawares. that is what death does!

cash and banking, tried to tell them, they don`t really want to know, but I hope I have left clear details for them, not that my finances are complicated.

My husband and I have left our wishes for your funerals.
Lists of sons and we have written letters to our loved ones and friends .
Telling them how much they have meant to us and thanking them .
Death is a fact of life and we have always been open about it

Yes of course, very important to have everything in place and to discuss it with your family members. It makes their loss so much easier for them and you know your wishes will be carried out. We have been sorting paperwork for a few years now and putting everything back together in an easy order and manner for them to deal with. It is part of a good death in my view.

I agree it’s very important to let family know your wishes for your funeral and also to leave details of any bank accounts, investments, premium bonds etc, with everything done on line now and no Building Society passbooks etc it’s easy for things to be overlooked. My 86 year old mum has pre-paid and sorted her funeral with our help which is a great idea if you can face doing it. Once it’s done you can just forget about it all. I’m all for a good send off but I think my family know this already, I’m likely to change my mind about the music several times though ☺️. A folder, kept in a very secure place with everything thing you think they will need to sort out your affairs is a good idea. It’s an awful job having to search for paperwork on top of losing someone close so great if it can be made simpler in some way. It can also bring some comfort to the people who loved & cared about you in life knowing they are carrying out your last wishes whatever they may be.

I’m not sure if everyone is aware but Power of Attorney is only valid during your lifetime. It should not be t be used once the person has died.

I agree with Geranshepherdsmum that LPAs are only for the living. However I'm curious to know who checks up on what your family is doing with your cash, after you die.
I have dealt with the death of my MIL (no will, no owned property and little money) and with my DH. No-one came along and told us what we could, or couldn't do, or checked if a will had been made. We just got on with sorting things out by ourselves.
Years ago an elderly neighbour of my Mum' s died. Her nephews and nieces, who never visited, stripped the house bare within a couple of days. I don't know if she ad made a will, or if anyone needed it, if she had.
Who from outside the family checks if there is a will, and that everything is being handled in the proper way I have often wondered.

Yes. Of course. Our daughter knows where our wills are, and the details for our pre-paid simple cremations. No funerals. There's also a notebook with our bank account details and any other things that would need to be dealt with by her when the time comes.

We've just about completed our 'affairs in order' book. It details all our finances, bills, contacts, subscriptions, funeral wishes, where to find things in the house and work things like heating works etc. Also sent an electronic copy to our DD in case of fire or natural disaster. Also checked deeds and other documents are registered online for same reason. Just getting everything together to do our wills then it should be sorted.