Women mourn, men replace

Not sure if it’s too much of a generalisation though. My husband lost his first wife in his late 30’s and didn’t have a girlfriend until he met me aged 51, he just wasn’t interested. And we were together for 14 years before we got married as he didn’t want to rush anything!
Also, I’ve met people at dance classes who have joined up after just a couple of weeks of widowhood as , in their own words, they have already done their grieving over the years of caring for their terminally ill wives.
Everyone is different I suppose. I actually met my husband, 16 years ago, the day after I’d separated from my ex husband. No plan to meet someone, it just happened out of the blue. And I would say that I’d done the grieving over my failed marriage in the previous years. If you see what I mean

Agree Mapleleaf some men, perhaps even a lot of men, but certainly not all remarry shortly after or at all. Still if they do, or women for that matter, I say good luck to them!

20 or so years ago a friend lost his wife. He was invited to a party a few months later and met a lady he subsequently married. She was also recently widowed.
What surprised me was that she looked like his deceased wife/ie twin sister. When in their lounge saw photo. Which lady was it? I didn’t know.
I had been shopping with both ladies and had a similar conversation with both of them in a clothes store. All a bit weird.

Jaxjacky

Similarly when a couple split up, men, particularly if they instigated the break up, straight into another relationship. Women are more likely to stay on their own for a while, instigator or not.

Men usually have another pair of arms lined up before they instigate the split. They very rarely leave with nowhere else to go.

My beloved GF married fairly quickly after my granny died. They had been a devoted couple. His new wife was very different. Penniless when she came to the marriage. 5 years later, my GF mentioned to me, tactfully, that he'd married too quickly.

A friend of mine, lost his wife to cancer. Had a relationship within 2 months of his wife dying. To his credit, that relationship didn't last. I think it was a bid for some ordinary life, away from the grief. But he took far longer to have a real, lasting relationship. 8 years.

I have a lot of respect for both of those men. Both made a mistake, thinking they could replace their wives.

In contrast, my mother linked up with a male friend within 6 months of my father dying. She simply had to feel wanted; after a lifetime of cooking, cleaning and caring, she didn't know what else to do so found someone else who would need her.

I know more widowed women that have remarried - who do the men marry? Are not many of them widows?

I have just had a look at the statistics as our own experiences arent that helpful really. According to what I can see men are more likely to remarry, and obviously more women are widowed than men.

The Redknapps (Jamie and Louise) split in 2017 (no deaths she left him) he has only just married his pregnant girlfriend

I could never replace my hubby, I've told him I'd hate him to meet anyone too , I believe that we will be reunited after death, I hope we do, I feel selfish saying that though

I’m pretty sure that my husband would marry again if I died before him. He’s very independent, not waited on hand and foot by me, does his share of stuff around the home...but he can’t stand being on his own. He likes company and would be very lonely.
I am pretty sure I wouldn’t marry again. I don’t think I’d ever find somebody as kind and loving as he is. Also, I quite like my own company and I also don’t want to have to start looking after any man.

Women ard more capable of looking after themselves I think.

I think that's a massive sweeping statement in my experience.

oh dear, I have only read the first page, and now skimmed these few,, doesn`t anyone think that there are fewer widows, (after a certain age, not thinking of young men and women)
and the single women, be they widowed or just single, go after the men... after a certain age, don`t ask me what that is! there are few single, available men...

now shout me down!

My Mum is 90, my Dad died 18 years ago. She is so sick of being propositioned by men she still wears her wedding ring. In her words - they are looking for a cook and a cleaner. I’ve got my own money and I am not interested’ .

There are a lot of sweeping statements being made here!!

Neither of my grandmothers remarried after their spouses died; my dad and BIL haven’t either.

It depends on the person, not their gender!!

I know it's a generalisation, but I don't think men on the whole cope very well on their own. Especially if they've previously had a woman around who basically did everything and looked after them.

Perhaps if men were raised to be self-sufficient, able to cook, clean and generally 'keep house', they'd be better able to deal with not having a woman around.

Of course both men and women can enjoy the companionship of each other, but I do wonder how many men re-marry simply because they are completely lost without their 'housekeeper'. I know women too sometimes need 'a man around the house' but many seem to cope better because their role has given them the skills to manage, often having juggled family and work successfully for years.

Personally, I like men who can cook, sew, iron and clean without a fuss or without being cajoled... they make good companions!

I was widowed 5 years ago after 54 happy years. This year while on a coach holiday I met a widower 10 years my junior who was very attentive. We have kept in touch by phone although he lives far away. Last week he asked me to marry him. I was dumbfounded as although he is nice and generous I cannot imagine anyone taking the place of my darling husband. I was upset to hear his disappointment.

Jaxjacky

Similarly when a couple split up, men, particularly if they instigated the break up, straight into another relationship. Women are more likely to stay on their own for a while, instigator or not.

I am pretty sure that even though my abusive, controlling, hopefully soon to be ex husband and who hopefully will be found guilty soon of assaulting me (court case imminent), he will find some other poor woman, if he hasn't done so already. I just hope this time ( I am his 3rd wife, found out recently that he has abused all of us but only I have gone to the police) he will have a criminal record and the next poor soul may find out about his abhorrent behaviour towards women and run a mile!!

Idont want to marry again I have freedom now which I never had before

I totally agree men dont mourn, men are incapable of a hundred percent commitment. After all they love themselves above all else. Millions of men the world over have affairs and break girls hearts simple because they are having the affair to boost there own ego. They like to keep the wife in the background as someone to look after there other needs, thats why they wont LEAVE there wives. One woman for domestic life and one for a lover. This has existed since time began. I have witnessed so many widowers who within a short time are looking for a replacement. Women say men cant cope on there own. In this era with endless gadgets, Microwave's, automatic washing machines, take away meals etc. Of course they can cope, they just pretend they cant to fool vulnerable women, who want to feel needed. A friend of mine married a widower of 11 months, she was a widow 0f 6 years. They have been married 10months and she spends most weekends alone while he plays golf and several evening's while he meets up at his club. She was so naïve its sad. I have been a widow for 24years and never been so happy, my own independence, to come and go as I please. I can spend what I want, the freedom is fantastic. Even my son and daughter have commented that I have been reborn. Men are born self centred and cant see life any other way. I can have men as friends and still retain the freedom and no man controlling my life.

My husband left when I was 44. He didn't pass away he went straight to one of his many conquests. I was never tempted to have another one.

I think there are far more female widows than male widowers, and from stories I've read, it's usually a woman who initiates the relationship with the widower, and it often starts with her helping him with household chores like mending and cooking.

Lillian40

I totally agree men dont mourn, men are incapable of a hundred percent commitment. After all they love themselves above all else. Millions of men the world over have affairs and break girls hearts simple because they are having the affair to boost there own ego. They like to keep the wife in the background as someone to look after there other needs, thats why they wont LEAVE there wives. One woman for domestic life and one for a lover. This has existed since time began. I have witnessed so many widowers who within a short time are looking for a replacement. Women say men cant cope on there own. In this era with endless gadgets, Microwave's, automatic washing machines, take away meals etc. Of course they can cope, they just pretend they cant to fool vulnerable women, who want to feel needed. A friend of mine married a widower of 11 months, she was a widow 0f 6 years. They have been married 10months and she spends most weekends alone while he plays golf and several evening's while he meets up at his club. She was so naïve its sad. I have been a widow for 24years and never been so happy, my own independence, to come and go as I please. I can spend what I want, the freedom is fantastic. Even my son and daughter have commented that I have been reborn. Men are born self centred and cant see life any other way. I can have men as friends and still retain the freedom and no man controlling my life.

I think....no I KNOW you are wrong! That may be your experience but it doesn't make it a universal truth

My experience is different. After being divorced for 13 years I quite unexpectedly met a widower who has become my companion.
He lost his wife in traumatic circumstances 10 years ago but is still grabbing life by the horns. He is very independent; involved in lots of voluntary work, goes to the gym, does yoga , has many friends, cooks and looks after himself. He is in his late 60s with his own health issues but doesn’t let them stop him. He has lots of plans!