Women mourn, men replace

Jaxjacky

Similarly when a couple split up, men, particularly if they instigated the break up, straight into another relationship. Women are more likely to stay on their own for a while, instigator or not.

I am pretty sure that even though my abusive, controlling, hopefully soon to be ex husband and who hopefully will be found guilty soon of assaulting me (court case imminent), he will find some other poor woman, if he hasn't done so already. I just hope this time ( I am his 3rd wife, found out recently that he has abused all of us but only I have gone to the police) he will have a criminal record and the next poor soul may find out about his abhorrent behaviour towards women and run a mile!!

I was widowed 5 years ago after 54 happy years. This year while on a coach holiday I met a widower 10 years my junior who was very attentive. We have kept in touch by phone although he lives far away. Last week he asked me to marry him. I was dumbfounded as although he is nice and generous I cannot imagine anyone taking the place of my darling husband. I was upset to hear his disappointment.

I know it's a generalisation, but I don't think men on the whole cope very well on their own. Especially if they've previously had a woman around who basically did everything and looked after them.

Perhaps if men were raised to be self-sufficient, able to cook, clean and generally 'keep house', they'd be better able to deal with not having a woman around.

Of course both men and women can enjoy the companionship of each other, but I do wonder how many men re-marry simply because they are completely lost without their 'housekeeper'. I know women too sometimes need 'a man around the house' but many seem to cope better because their role has given them the skills to manage, often having juggled family and work successfully for years.

Personally, I like men who can cook, sew, iron and clean without a fuss or without being cajoled... they make good companions!

There are a lot of sweeping statements being made here!!

Neither of my grandmothers remarried after their spouses died; my dad and BIL haven’t either.

It depends on the person, not their gender!!

My Mum is 90, my Dad died 18 years ago. She is so sick of being propositioned by men she still wears her wedding ring. In her words - they are looking for a cook and a cleaner. I’ve got my own money and I am not interested’ .

oh dear, I have only read the first page, and now skimmed these few,, doesn`t anyone think that there are fewer widows, (after a certain age, not thinking of young men and women)
and the single women, be they widowed or just single, go after the men... after a certain age, don`t ask me what that is! there are few single, available men...

now shout me down!

I think that's a massive sweeping statement in my experience.

Women ard more capable of looking after themselves I think.

I’m pretty sure that my husband would marry again if I died before him. He’s very independent, not waited on hand and foot by me, does his share of stuff around the home...but he can’t stand being on his own. He likes company and would be very lonely.
I am pretty sure I wouldn’t marry again. I don’t think I’d ever find somebody as kind and loving as he is. Also, I quite like my own company and I also don’t want to have to start looking after any man.

I could never replace my hubby, I've told him I'd hate him to meet anyone too , I believe that we will be reunited after death, I hope we do, I feel selfish saying that though

The Redknapps (Jamie and Louise) split in 2017 (no deaths she left him) he has only just married his pregnant girlfriend

I have just had a look at the statistics as our own experiences arent that helpful really. According to what I can see men are more likely to remarry, and obviously more women are widowed than men.

I know more widowed women that have remarried - who do the men marry? Are not many of them widows?

In contrast, my mother linked up with a male friend within 6 months of my father dying. She simply had to feel wanted; after a lifetime of cooking, cleaning and caring, she didn't know what else to do so found someone else who would need her.

My beloved GF married fairly quickly after my granny died. They had been a devoted couple. His new wife was very different. Penniless when she came to the marriage. 5 years later, my GF mentioned to me, tactfully, that he'd married too quickly.

A friend of mine, lost his wife to cancer. Had a relationship within 2 months of his wife dying. To his credit, that relationship didn't last. I think it was a bid for some ordinary life, away from the grief. But he took far longer to have a real, lasting relationship. 8 years.

I have a lot of respect for both of those men. Both made a mistake, thinking they could replace their wives.

Jaxjacky

Similarly when a couple split up, men, particularly if they instigated the break up, straight into another relationship. Women are more likely to stay on their own for a while, instigator or not.

Men usually have another pair of arms lined up before they instigate the split. They very rarely leave with nowhere else to go.

20 or so years ago a friend lost his wife. He was invited to a party a few months later and met a lady he subsequently married. She was also recently widowed.
What surprised me was that she looked like his deceased wife/ie twin sister. When in their lounge saw photo. Which lady was it? I didn’t know.
I had been shopping with both ladies and had a similar conversation with both of them in a clothes store. All a bit weird.

Agree Mapleleaf some men, perhaps even a lot of men, but certainly not all remarry shortly after or at all. Still if they do, or women for that matter, I say good luck to them!

Not sure if it’s too much of a generalisation though. My husband lost his first wife in his late 30’s and didn’t have a girlfriend until he met me aged 51, he just wasn’t interested. And we were together for 14 years before we got married as he didn’t want to rush anything!
Also, I’ve met people at dance classes who have joined up after just a couple of weeks of widowhood as , in their own words, they have already done their grieving over the years of caring for their terminally ill wives.
Everyone is different I suppose. I actually met my husband, 16 years ago, the day after I’d separated from my ex husband. No plan to meet someone, it just happened out of the blue. And I would say that I’d done the grieving over my failed marriage in the previous years. If you see what I mean

Cherrytree59

I do know several widowers, who do seem to have married quite quickly.
But who are these widowers marrying of not other widows?

Basing my answer purely on people in my mum's large circle of friends and acquaintances, the men who have remarried quickly (and she knows several of them) have married women who had lost their life partner much longer ago.

I know that my own OH hates the idea of being on his own, and if he was widowed, and had the opportunity, I am sure he would find a new partner, but I am less certain that he would actually formalise it by getting married.

I just think on the whole men have a different mindset. Yes they are sad to be bereaved but they look forward. Women (on the whole) are more in tune with their emotions and look back, with sadness.

Most men do not like being on their own and very often find partners very very quickly however I know one exception and that’s my cousins wife who was out hand in hand with a new man (who she shortly afterwards married) within weeks of my cousin dying apparently they d met at the hospital where both partners died I might be being bitchy but I do think the relationship may have started before the two partners deaths
It’s funny because this came up in my head today when I saw an elderly gent who I used to see out regularly with his wife she died tragically a few months back He is quite a nerdy little man collects trains and is normally quiet and boring and quiet dour Today I saw him with an elderly lady laughing and joking and looking very happy for a new widower

i was widowed at 39, i never wanted to get married again but a year after i lost my husband i joined an online group for under 60s who had lost there husband/wife, i met a lovely man and we talked on the phone for over a month before we decided to meet, we never wanted to get wed or move in together full time, we spent most weekends together and went on holiday, he never thought he would meet anyone because due to illness he could not do the bedroom side of things, we had 18 happy years together until he died earlier this year, he was my partner, friend and companion. not every man out there wants a replacement sometimes they just want a companion.

Forming stereotypes of what men are like and what women are like will always be wrong. Yes you will find some that fit the stereotype but also some that do not.

I do know several widowers, who do seem to have married quite quickly.
But who are these widowers marrying of not other widows?