True Picky Eaters

Jennifer Eccles I could almost hear the sniff of self satisfaction after reading your post. Childhood aversions to various foods are not the fault of a lazy parent who doesn't offer enough choice to their weaning baby.

My dil is the most unfussy person I have ever met. Apparently in her youth she was less so and her mother allowed her 3 reheats and after that no more, and she would have to sit there all night until she cleaned her plate. After a battle of wills, her mother won. Dil and ds1 saying they will be raising my gc in the same way.
My younger son, I completely gave into, he lived off chicken nuggets and carrots and he still eats those sort of ‘plain’ food groups.
My other son isn’t fussy at all and when they all lived at home with us in their 20’s, would sometimes cook meals for us, but only if his brother wasn’t in, as he couldn’t be bothered cooking a separate meal for him as well as meal for the rest of the family. I think ds2 struggles because of his fussiness, girlfriends are always exasperated with him, he is stuck in his ways in other habits too. He was always a ‘play it safe’ kind of a kid, and I think I spoiled him too much looking back, but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing ??‍♀️

(Also I completely agree regarding children being force fed food that have sensory issues, connected to Autism. A completely different kettle of fish to just a fussy eater)

*not being force fed. ? Autocorrect thwarts me again.

I have the same problem with my youngest child who is now 17. He would starve rather than eat what was put in front of him.
I often cook a separate meal for him, my mother thinks this is the wrong thing to do, but he has to eat something.
Now he’s older he enjoys cooking I just make sure I have the ingredients he likes and leave him to cook for himself.

JenniferEccles

Isn’t the answer to introduce babies to a very wide a range of different food, textures and tastes at the very start of the weaning process, concentrating perhaps more on savoury rather than sweet foods?

Of course children will have likes and dislikes as we all do as adults but I do wonder whether some of these faddy eaters were given a rather limited range of foods as babies.

This made me so cross. It was said to me so often about my middle child who would only eat plain rice, plain boiled potatoes, white bread and cheese. No fruit and no veg, I tried every trick in the book to get him to try other foods from 6 months on and failed miserably. I could have lived with his choice as long as he remained well and energetic but my ex became furious and used it as a stick to beat me. When I wouldn’t keep serving up the same meal for my son to refuse, his father said I was to do just that for 24, 48 or how ever many hours it took to bring him to his senses. I dreaded every meal when my husband was home and there were multiple rows.

He’s a good eater now. His wife got him to eat just about everything and when I share a meal with them I often think back to those times and all that pointless angst and bullying.

Newnan1, it sounds as though your child has the eating disorder ARFID.

This was only accepted as an eating disorder a few years ago, but is now very much recognised.

I had a Foster Child who suffered from it and I agree with everything you say.

ARFID has been described, by an adult sufferer, as being asked to eat dog poop when expected to eat something which is not one of their safe foods .

It is distressing for the individual and their family, and there is as yet little treatment---except in extreem cases tube or peg/button feeding

JenniferEccles
The foster child who was diagnosed with ARFID was weaned in exactly the same way as the 10s of foster children of the same age that we cared for. Mainly home made finger foods, very low sugar, good range of tastes and textures.
It made no difference.
ARFID is not like anorexia (generally related to body image) or bulimia (generally based on the need to be in control)
ARFID is very often connected to sensory issues, but not even as straightforward as that

I was a very 'picky eater' as a child. Yes it's an awful label. I think I often just couldn't be bothered to eat. Mealtimes were an unwelcome interruption through the day. My Mum worried herself silly frequently taking me to the doctor for advice. He said I was perfectly healthy and would eat what I wanted when I wanted it. I grew into a happy healthy adult who ate almost anything.

Each of our three sons went through phases of refusing some (or even all foods!), I told them "Please yourself, you eat what's offered or go hungry" If they chose the hungry option the foods that they liked were shut away. DS1 didn't eat for four days on one occasion, then I found him munching a raw carrot with a potato in his other hand. I offered to cook them for him with his dinner. He agreed. He then began to eat more normally with just the occasional grumble about sprouts! All DSs have grown into strapping healthy men who eat varied diets.

Our GC are treated the same way when at our house and our DILs have often remarked 'She/He won't eat that at home!' Their father will then say 'She knows Nanny won't fuss over her and make her something else'.

It's often said a child will find something to eat rather than starve, and I think it's true. And I was prepared to put it to the test with my sons.

There are countless reasons why children refuse foods, and many people would think my attitude rather harsh (my Mum did), but it worked with my kids.

I was (and still am) a picky eater at 74!
Born prematurely, I did not have a "swallow" reflex, and had to be fed intravenously. When allowed home, I took against meat, due to having seen my Grandmother prepare Chickens and Rabbits for the table (they were kept for that purpose). Always underweight as a child, my Grandmother (who brought me up) was firmly of the "eat it or go without" school. My Grandfather would try to sneak me some fruit from time to time.
I did get "Pernicious Anaemia" and was very ill for a time. I had Doctor after Doctor trying to persuade me to eat meat, to no avail.
I started to eat meat in limited quantities when at 27 I married a man who was a big meat eater. He had to buy and cook the meat for many years, as I could not stand the smell or texture of meat.
I eat it now, but would happily do without!

My friend is very “picky”. I believe she has an eating disorder. She avoids most fruit and vegetables, anything in its natural state. It’s more than being picky. She is disgusted by food. All savoury food she will allow herself to eat-has to be in pastry or processed. And cut up into tiny pieces and covered in sauce. I worry about her as her hair is thinning, she is obese, has a thyroid condition, fatty liver etc. She’s fine with cakes, sweets and chocolates. She remembers her mother feeding her in jarred baby food, long after the age of weaning. I would imagine this was a failed attempt to get her to eat.

Can you remember how to get that article? I’m convinced it’s got something to do with smell, too. Although my friend can’t eats foods with names she doesn’t like. “Fungi” or “chutney” for example.

Absolutely not mothers not introducing a wide range of foods at weaning. I've known Little ones who} have eaten a very wide range of food when a baby but as they have grown up have eaten far fewer foods mainly popular toddler food. As someone has said this is proba ly a safety thing, once a child can move away from mum they can eat poisonous berries, mushrooms, whatever, when they are tiny you can stop them eating spiders or whatever they find crawling round.
I personally can't eat fat from meat, apart from maybe crispy bacon fat. Can't eat things like egg white or squidgy chewy stuff,like bits of onion or squid or cream. Also various other things. My mum couldn't eat jam or jelly.
Lots of mums nowadays do baby led weaning which works very well. I've seen a video of a baby being spoon-fed mushed up broccoli and rejecting it, then being offered a stick of broccoli and happily chowing it down
Sometimes if a baby has been tube fed it can develop an oral aversiin
However sometimes children take a long time to broaden their menu of things they like, and most do

Children on the autistic spectrum very often have very particular food habits. One of my grandsons cannot bear to have any food mixed together - so shepherds pie, lasagne etc is a no no - he will eat all meats As long as they are separated on his plate- he will eat chips and some vegetables - again separated. He is a pretty healthy 14 year old now but it was very trying when he was little!!

There is a absolutely fab utube video regarding Super Nanny, and a child of nine who had only eaten custard creams for years. Super nanny soon put a stop to that.
Of course it’s the parents fault. When there were families of 8 plus children, no one was a picky eater.
I include my self in the criticism. I had picky eating children as Super Nanny didn’t exist.
Today, we went out with my 4 year old Grandson and he wouldn’t drink his orange juice because the straw was the wrong colour….give me strength.

Whatever the reason, from fussiness to autism to ARFID, the last thing parents need is to judged or made to feel guilty.
Vitamin drops or other supplements or, in extreme cases, maybe a period of tube feeding might be needed.
Above all, support and encouragement for parent and child and avoiding meals becoming a battle ground are best.
It's so easy to judge others which, in itself, us no use to anyone!

I don't recall having food issues until I started school.

Starting school for me was, for several reasons, hard, but the overriding memories of it are focused on food, and even drink (school milk, even though I don't dislike milk in itself).

My parents were not lax, but I don't ever remember being smacked until I started school - after a few days of school, I was hysterically crying one evening, saying that I didn't want to go to school again. One of my parents eventually lost control and smacked me, though was instantly horrified and apologetic as red marks appeared on my leg.

I spent the whole of my school years avoiding school dinners.

Anyway, looking back, it is the smell of the food and drink that sticks in my mind. Even thinking about it brings back memories of how those smells made me feel!

In fact, whenever we (occasionally) pass the building that used to house that infant school, I can still be overwhelmed by memories of the smells and emotions that food evoked in that stage of my life.

Food issues are not always about the taste of the food itself. It can be so much more complex than that.

With hindsight, I have realised that I only had/ have food issues when I am out of my depth. They are not voluntary, and I don't think that there is anything my parents could have done that would have made any difference.

My daughter has very definite likes and dislikes - fortunately her likes are very healthy but that doesn’t stop wider family (which is rife with EDs) calling her fussy, including her dad who has disordered and restrictive eating. I neither reward or punish her with food and she is now trying a wider variety of food. She’s very easy to feed though!

As a child, I survived almost exclusively on tomato sarnies, peas, fruit and milk. Hated meat, didn’t mind some white fish. I grew into a 5ft 9in Amazonian! My youngest son was the same. Limited range of pesto pasta, cucumber, few other things. He’s now 6ft 1in and boxes, climbs. We also now both eat anything.
Guess the trick is to find the few things they like that are vaguely healthy and don’t stress about it.

I have very vivid memories of my mother trying to force me to eat things I genuinely couldn't stand. I was far from a 'picky eater', but I couldn't stomach liver. Her method was - if I didn't eat it at one meal, I'd get it again for the next. This went on for about three days before she finally realised I just wasn't going to eat it, no matter what. I vowed there and then I'd never subject my own children to the same.
Thankfully, both of mine have been really good eaters, although my son did go through a fussy phase when he was about 7. We went on holiday to Lanzarote and he hated the hotel buffet food because he didn't know what most of it was - each dinner time he'd come back from the buffet with a plate of chips. It was stressing me out until I decided that a week of that really wasn't going to hurt him in the long run. Turning mealtimes into a battle is the worst thing you can do to a child.

I never got the chance to be a picky eater. Parents were sticklers for food being eaten and if you didn't eat your meal you got it for the next meal and then the next meal (going in the 'fridge) and then the next. They wouldn't give in and we did in the end! Now I don't say I agree with it which I don't but I do eat everything now apart from mussels and kidneys! My youngest sister was the worst and I felt sorry for her picking at the same meal over and over again. Oh how times have changed!

I can honestly say, mrsgreenfingers56, that I would have starved rather than given in to such pressures.

MamaCaz, as I said in my post just above, my mother tried (unsuccessfully) to do that to me. I just could not eat that liver, no matter what, so I'm with you on that!

Blondiescot

*MamaCaz*, as I said in my post just above, my mother tried (unsuccessfully) to do that to me. I just could not eat that liver, no matter what, so I'm with you on that!

My parents only tried to force me once, then I think they realized that it wasn't worth repeating the experience.

The daft thing is that the food in question wasn't even something that I actively disliked, but I found myself physically unable to swallow it. It was part of the Sunday roast, the brisket of beef. No matter how much I chewed, it didn't reach a point where it would go down my throat. It just got drier and felt to grow in my mouth.
I was threatened with a spanking, then sent to bed, but no way was that meat going to go down my throat!

Maybe if the pieces had been cut smaller in the first place, the whole ordeal would never have arisen.

I was not a fussy eater except for shepherd’s pie made from the leftovers of the mutton, minced. I gagged when I tried to swallow it. I still don’t understand why but had to drink a lot of water to get it down or it would be there for the next meal.