The Innocence of Children

Just the other day my four year old grandson was in the garden when he should havebeen eating breakfast. My daughter asked what he was up to. "Having a smoke"he replied. He does not know anyone who smokes!

Years ago my father was the Head of a Catholic school in Bristol. At assembly the youngest class sat in the front row and when the Lord’s Prayer was recited he clearly heard a 5 yr old boy say”and lead us not into Temple Meads Station but deliver us from evil. Amen” All said with eyes firmly shut, palms pressed together and a very sincere look on his face!

Many years ago my son was visiting an Abbey with myself and my mother and father. As we neared the door we could hear the organ playing. My son turned to my father and said " Gumpa, is that God's voice ? "

Thank you everyone for sharing these funny moments. I haven’t laughed so much in ages! ?

My daughter has just told me about a small boy who was a king in the school nativity play proudly announcing …Frank sent me!

Many, many years ago when I was about two my mother was getting undressed for bed when I started crying. She came rushing, starkers, into my room. I immediately became incandescent with rage and screamed "Where your nightie eh? You put it on!" She never did find out what I had been crying about.

I was asked in class why Mary rode a donkey when they were going to pay for a taxi.
My DD was Mary in the nativity play and when it was announced that Jesus had been born she whipped a doll out from under her long dress certainly not planned by the teacher.
The funniest was a Christmas play when a little boy weed himself on stage another very precocious child turned and said'A very authentic reindeer", the hall was in an uproar.

DD thought God’s name was Peter because we say “Thanks Peter God” (thanks be to God) while DS said it was Harold (Hallowed be Thy Name)

Thank you everyone. They are a joy to read.

It wasn't my children but a friends

Onward Christian Soldiers marching up the Wall.

My adult DS who has Downs Syndrome, came home from secondary school one and said that they had been practicing using condoms! That threw me. I had to ask, though, how they did it, ( meantime his two sisters ran out of the room ). He said,
“ We put them on carrots .” I suspect that defeated the purpose.

my daughter's was

round yon fir tree mother and child
holy infant so tender and wild

My nephew at 7 or so once remarked to my sister that their dog was licking his balls.
Sister said best not to use that word - the proper one was ‘testicles’.
Some weeks later he said, ‘What was that word again, Mum? The one that means willyballs?’

DD2 told me earlier on today she’d been having trouble with an online order yesterday and had been in contact with the retailer after a wait on the phone. When she finished she flopped onto her sofa and DGD age 3 said “Are you feeling a little frustrated”

At about 8 the dd of a friend of mine chose the moment when friend was peeling potatoes, to say, ‘Mummy, Sarah at school told me that to get a baby, a man has to put his willy into a lady’s (whatever she called it). Is it true?’

Friend (bracing herself), ‘Well, yes, it is.’

Dd. ‘Oh. (Pause). ‘Did you and daddy do that to get me?’

Friend (re-bracing). ‘Well yes, we did.’

Dd. ‘Oh.’ (Very long pause.). EEUURRGHH!!!

We went on a camping holiday when DD was about 5 and DS was 8, and we were sitting outside with a glass of wine when they were supposed to be going to sleep inside the tent - their conversation went like this:
DD - Do you know what a condom is?
DS - I don't know much but I do know you can only use it once!!!

When my son was about 3 we got on a bus and it was very crowded. I said to him he would have to sit on my knee to let someone sit down and he said in a loud voice "Oh I wish all these old people were dead." He's in his forties now and when I tease him about it he cringes.

My 7 year old grandson has written his Christmas list.
One of the items is £100,000.
I suspect that that will be negotiated down.

Deedaa

Many, many years ago when I was about two my mother was getting undressed for bed when I started crying. She came rushing, starkers, into my room. I immediately became incandescent with rage and screamed "Where your nightie eh? You put it on!" She never did find out what I had been crying about.

My 2 year old son’s horrified response when his father came into the room starkers: “Daddy, where’s your slippers?!”

When I was a childminder, the little boy I was looking after was about 3. One day, as I was strapping him into his car seat, the conversation went:

L - HG. . .
Me - Yes, L
L - you've got lovely hair
Me - Thank you L, You've got lovely hair too
L - HG . . .
Me - yes L
L - you've got lovely eyes
Me - thank you L, you've got lovely eyes too
L - HG . . . .
Me - Yes L (preening myself for the next compliment)
L - you've got all black hair up your nose

Ego instantly deflated

When my son was about 4 or 5, he had two wonderful wordslips. He told me that school was going to the pantomime, and the children were going to be in the applaudience.

The second was when I was cooking dinner and he asked if we were going to have brocciflower

These really brightened my day so good to have laugh instead of worrying.

My favourite was my daughter singing "Ruby don't take your gloves to town" we didn't correct her,

One of my exes little girls christmas list to Father Christmas had the following on it...
1 dog (shorthaired)

When I worked as a classroom assistant many moons ago we had an Open Day at our Primary School. The teacher made sure every child in her class had something on display. During the morning an older lady quietly sidled up to talk to the teacher. This lady had recently married after being a widow for some years. She explained her grandchildren called her new husband 'Uncle'. The little girl had written. 'We went to see Granny but she was in bed with my Uncle'. One red faced Granny.

Absolutely precious! Thanks for the laughs. ?

MissAdventure

One of my exes little girls christmas list to Father Christmas had the following on it...
1 dog (shorthaired)

So many great ones but I especially snorted out loud at yours MissA !
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