To see ourselves as others see us! How do you think others see you?

I am scary…mmm I have been told that often enough. I am a goer and into lots of fundraising activities, etc.
I don’t want to be scary but it’s likely anyone who puts their head above the parapet meets opposition. I bet Florence Nightingale was scary.
I know I am not a team player…but I have been told that I am good looking and well dressed…but I still don’t want to be seen as scary.

It's easy to misinterpret how people come across. I have always lacked self esteem, confidence and have never felt as good as other people. One person described me as 'stuck up and aloof' because I found it difficult to join in certain things. If only they knew!

I seem to attract chatterboxes - as I'm not one. But so much goes on inside my head. Nobody really knows me and I think I probably come across totally differently to how I really am. However, I will say that I do bear grudges and can't let some things go. Unfortunately the people concerned don't know that either. I don't really like confiding in people unless I can totally trust them so probably come across as distant.

I was also bereaved last year, and I think people assume I am "getting over it". Of course I am still grieving and don't think I will ever come to terms with being alone, but like you say, don't want to bring others down with my misery, so put on a brave face.

Interesting how some have said they're different in different environments. I'm the same in all situations. Obviously, there are places where I don't go on about my opinion, but I always express it, even if it isn't popular. I've stood up to work place bullies on behalf of others, even when it turned the bullying on me. Actually, I've done this several times. Twice, recently.

I'm not overtly rude to those I dislike, but I will stop contact with them, and if at work, minimise it as much as possible.

Maybe that is why I make friends so easily. I stand up for the underdog and I'm not two-faced. I'm also very kind and supportive, BUT if someone abuses that, they don't get a 2nd chance. And many people try to.

It's that old saying, isn't it? Don't mistake my niceness for weakness.

I think people see me as quite soft and laid back. If someone upsets me they get a real shock as I can stand up very forcefully for myself.

When at work and managing 22 staff of all ages and abilities but mainly female I was assessed as being firm but fair which I thought was reasonable. Was interested to learn though that the view of males who I did not have to directly supervise, only when my male boss was off or out the building was that I was absolutely terrific, understood their issues and able to work out a solution together. I always thought the females were constantly bickering and trying to better one another. Had I not been somewhat firm and a bit detached chaos would have reigned.Not only can different people have different views of you, different genders do too I would say.

nan7836
Comfort yourself with the fact that the whole of the human race is odd in smaller or larger degrees.

Well I was Recently called a "stupid old woman" by someone(young male) who went on to ask where my husband was because he was going to follow me home and kick my head in! All for asking him to stop vandalising a chestnut tree! What have police done? Zilch! Unless I had a picture of him, .......pathetic. I keep thinking he did beat a hasty retreat when I shouted back at him that we'll all go back to his and see what his missus thinks of that?(he had a toddler with him, thoroughly disgusting).... Maybe he thinks differently now? I'll never know

Impossible to know really but I often think people might see me as aloof or unfriendly because basically I'm shy and find it difficult to join in things on my own.

A friend I admire once told me she envied my confidence- that's something I never knew I had!

Others see me as fat, lazy and desperate to please, and yes my elder sister is my honest feedback and tries to change me...I was a teacher, and have 3 degrees, including a Masters; but since an op went wrong and I was forced into disability benefits people treat me very differently.

I find my opinion on anything is argued against by everyone apart from my son, people talk slowly and clearly as if I wouldn't understand otherwise and I'm tired of it. I do as much voluntary work as I am able, but relatively frequently have to withdraw so feel unreliable which just isn't me...

Grandmabatty you have just described me

Kate1949..........meet your identical twin here ! Thanks for the eloquent description.

Am having therapy at the moment to try to become more confident and more assertive. It's a struggle, but hopefully worth it.

All the best

A chatterbox, I think though cos I live alone when I see people I don't shut up. Also I am very independent, hate asking for help, although that's my downfall at times as I'm not as able to do things like I used to.

I am told I come across as super confident, efficient and capable and sometime intimidating. Inside I am quite shy, worry about what people think of me and hate going to parties with lots of strange people.

I suppose I am fairly efficient and good in a crisis but I am also a worrier.

However, I am genuinely interested in other people and prefer to talk about them than myself.

I really don't want to know!

The other day one of the ladies at work told me she finds me scary. I have never thought of myself that way, I am actually quite shy so I dont know what to make of that.

I don't really care too much. You know the saying 'be true to yourself', that's it. You be You and stop trying to be what others want you to be. You can spend too much of your life trying to live up to other's idea of you, that you end up living a miserable life. I was like that in my earlier years but now I do what I want, when I want.

Really? I would assume that anyone who knows me hates me.
Yes, I am being serious, no I’m not being melodramatic.

It’s not that I ever do anything particularly objectionable, nonetheless, everyone I meet seems to dislike me on sight.

I’m not seeking sympathy, just answering the OP honestly.

I'm probably seen as not a good listener as I talk far too much. It's not new, not because I bow live on my own, I've always been very talkative. I do try to remember to let others talk now, on occasion I still forget. I'd like to think that others also find me kind, helpful and amusing. I think I'd be s are to ask. ??

To Nexus 63 and hugs. Hope life improves for you soon.

I seem to relate well to children. They say I am kind but really I hate confrontation so get them to do what I want by cajoling, bribery or distraction.
At church I sometimes stand at the front and do the children's talk, which is not a problem for me, and because of this people think I am confident and outgoing. However, in a one-to-one situation with adults I get self-conscious and tongue tied. I am embarrassed to eat in front of acquaintances and hate speaking on the phone.
I enjoy crafts and making things. I copy lots of craft ideas from the internet and people think I am very creative and artistic when actually I'm just practical.

When in a group, mine is the voice that isn't heard. I can manage a sentence or two, then someone else butts in. I've never been good at making friends. It sounds sad to say that I've never had a really close one, but it doesn't bother me. I quite like my own company, and am not fond of big gatherings, but I'm in a choir and U3A and enjoy some socialising, in small doses.
What does sometimes bother me is the fact that I never seem to be seriously affected by bad things that happen, and seem to lack emotion to some extent. I have coped well with bereavements. Even when I was attacked with a knife, last year, I stayed pretty calm and, luckily, came out of it with only minor injuries. I was warned that it might lead to PTSD, but I haven't had any serious after effects. People think that I am amazingly tough, but it's just the way I am. Likewise, I never seem to experience extreme joy, even over the birth of my children and grandchildren.
I think that people see me as quiet, friendly and helpful. Not too bothered about how I look, as long as I'm clean, tidy and comfortable. Someone who copes with anything life throws at me, which about sums me up, I suppose.

I think people who know me well assume I am a leader, an organiser, kind hearted, confident, positive and loyal! I am all of these but underneath I am lonely, needy and insecure plus grieving for my mum !
Sometimes I just desperately want to be on my own to read, to be, to recharge!