A Very Argy Christmas

I think May Hem and Dyna Mite look splendid after their visit to Madam Pom Pom

Why not put May and Dyna in the panto horse outfit, front and back end?
At least you'd know where they were and what they were up to...

Hmmm Lemon you’re saying there’s nothing remotely regular about the Argy staff or customers but now you want laxatives in the poteen. Are you on a crusade to improve the bowel habits of all at the Argy ?.?

brook seems to have found the answer to making Alarma behave…….chips. Every time she plays up from now on we’ll just bribe her with a visit to the chippy.?
maddy you’re a great addition to the Argy team with your help on the brewing side and behind the bar. Nice to have extra hands around.
AGA that’s some potent concoction you are making. The fumes alone have half the punters drunk before they even get to the bar.
I hope muse can come up with some pasties soon. We need to feed the crowd and keep them drinking.
Great news. I have managed to book the Chippendales for Saturday night.
I have sent Thor out with posters advertising the event and I’m getting him to pose at the door to attract customers too. Lots of tickets sold already.
I was really lucky to get them at short notice.
They were only free because the furniture factory is closing for Christmas.

ixion brilliant idea, and even better, let’s sew up the middle so they can’t get out and cause trouble.

The Chippendales have come in for a rehearsal. I have given them a rub down with some linseed oil and beeswax so they can move easily on the night. They are nice and shiny too.
May and Dyna are excited about the panto so will hopefully stay out of trouble.
Talking of trouble Alarma is insisting on starring in the panto. We may need more chips to keep her quiet.

Oh go on then, tell her she can be the genie of the lamp but that is she is then at all other times she must be quiet and out of sight, I will ask Madame Pom Pom to make her a special costume.
I see the Chippendales are limbering up well. I think your rub down helped AGA and I’m sure they will rise to the occasion. ?

Now...I like a well oiled bod as much as the next cougar, but lets’s be honest here, these are not the usual Chippendales are they? They are a tribute act from Worksop, The Worksop Working Wobblies ( combined age 500 years) and there are only 5 of them.
Phwoar! Gerrem off ( the stage that is.)

Come one Lemon use your imagination. Dim lighting, lots of poteen for the punters and my secret ingredient will make at a night to remember.
Pssst. AGA have you managed to dissolve all those viagra tablets in the special Chippendales poteen for tomorrow? ?

Well that explains a lot lemon ..I thought they didn’t quite look right
Hope we can get more pasties for tomorrow muse they’ve scoffed the lot

I did have difficulty with the Viagra tablets doodle as they kept rising to the top.

I have beaten them into submission now so nobody will notice the addition.
I had to let the Chippendales stay overnight. They were so exhausted after their 10 minutes rehearsal that I took pity on them and let them sleep in the corner covered with the llama blankets.
I may have to add more pep pills to their poteen later.

Bonjour, it has been a petit sojourn at HM pleasure mais ….

bonne apres midi encore citronelle et votre mate Doodle et tous you others.

Just ici pour in petit moment parce que I’m sober.
It is difficile to meet with vous all before 25th but je will think of youse when je quoff mon grogg.

A bientot mes inebriates

Ooh Carillion ain’t you posh speaking all French like.
What a shame you’ll miss tonight’s performance of the Chippendales. If you don’t make it before, see you at Christmas.
Ok ladies the time has come. Drum roll please. The show is about to start. Quick AGA give them another nip of the ‘special poteen’..
brook lights down low please so no one can really see what they look like.
Lemon put those binoculars away at once. Lowering the tone, really ?
muse are you sure you’re old enough to see this show?
ixion and maddyone you are on security. If anyone try’s to rush the stage, you hold them back.
Ok lights, music ? , action and they’re off.

Oh!!!
Err, AGA I think you’ve overdone the viagra.
Will someone call an ambulance for the woman in the front row please.
Someone pour muse a drink, I think she’s gone into shock.
Someone call the fire brigade I think we need to hose them down. ?

Gnasher and Grasper are bringing buckets of water. Alarma is bringing champagne?
We will dowse them down till the fire brigade get here.
I have brought the smelling salts for muse and a pint of poteen.
doodle can you please grab Alarma she is drinking the bucket of champagne.
She will be completely out of control and the chippy is closed.
The Admiral's eyes are out on stalks seeing the results of the Viagra. He had asked me for some?

Right Alarma sorted. The bubbles went up her nose and she didn’t like it so she’s stopped drinking. I have promised her chips when the chippy opens if she’ll sit on May Hem and Dyna Mite and stop them both throwing their knickers on stage (I was surprised they had any on to be honest ?)
muse seems to be coming round. She seems to be muttering something about making sausage rolls in future.
lemons rushed home saying she needs to see Lord L. I believe she’s taken some of your special poteen with her.
Brilliant evening girls. The takings are well up….as is everything else. ?

There was a bit of a scuffle at the end last night when one of the Chippendale's thongs, unable to take the strain, snapped and hit a large woman in the eye.
She headed towards him muscles rippling and red faced. His ardour soon subsided and he fled and was last seen running down Pigstrotter Alley with an Amazonian type woman chasing him. She was delivering a parcel at the same time.

Ahh, that was a good night. That poteen was strong stuff to be sure. Think we’ll have to brew another batch. I wonder how the ermmm, large woman got on with the escaping Chippendale. I heard that a naked man ran straight under the railway bridge where the ladies of the night hang out, and there was a terrible scuffle and he was last seen with Madame Pom Pom’s costume model behind Madame Pom Pom’s fitting rooms. I think the large lady kept running and is now approaching Land’s End.

Zut alors Doodle vous cheeky monkey, je could always parlez franglais mais vous we’re toujours bizet snogging -auditioning- les hommes qui avez no clothes on, to notice mon bonne speeches.

Je have obv missed le bateau avec le new tottee last night … but quand Citronnelle surfaces je will bring avec moi un grand box de booze. ??????

Oh bonjour carillion I don’t speak the frenchy tres bien but I do love a good baguette avec soupe à l'oignon
Are you taking les chippendales on tour avec vous a la France ?

Ah, onion soup with pobs, delicious!
Welcome Carillion where have you been this last year, did you join the Moulin Rouge can can troup in gay Paree?
I pinched some of that viagra laced poteen last night...didn’t do much for Lord L in the passion stakes but his hair stood up on end, so a result of sorts.

Someone has pinched all the Viagra but I will leave it out of the poteen in future. It worked too well on some and not well enough on others.
May add some oysters instead. They should do the trick.

well, I did hear that as well as ladies of the night the Chippendale got involved with some men who were sitting quietly drinking some meths by a brazier and probably thought they were hallucinating. last seen the man was fleeing for his life with a gang of meth drinkers and ladies of the night plus a few stray dogs that were mooching around. I think that he might be heading for the railway station

brook2704 and AGGA4 now you’re parleying…soup de l’oignions et OYSTERS, bien sure. . .

Je grow oysters in the pond a la bottom de mon jardin pour encourages les autres as well as the french sailors that lemongrove instructed me pour enticement to L’Argy.

Je ne ask moi how long it took to shake off the cricketeurs that suivant lemon and Doodle…. Just ask them about big Bruce,.

Thanks for the update labaz I’ll keep a lookout for him down pigstrotter alley
I’ve eventually settled the llamas down for the night so all quiet here ?

Oooh la la carillion big Bruce … it is err un araignée non? ?