did you go back to work ?

There is nothing more judgemental than calling someone 'judgemental'- in fact.

My mum never went back to paid work, she arranged the church flowers and ran a coffee morning once a week at the church for anyone who wanted to pop in and helped with the care of my granny. I returned to work as a dinner lady when the youngest went to school and then later moved on to part time office work DH then retired early and I soon followed him. DD's didn't work whilst their children were pre school but are back full-time now.

"Go back"? I never left.

I worked for only three years between graduation and my first pregnancy. This was 1968 and I had to resign from my job. I became a housewife. "Housewife" was a designated occupation in those days when filling in a form. For the short time that I worked, I paid the special reduced rate of National Insurance (Married Women’s stamp). This seemed an attractive offer for married women at the time, but no one told us that we would reach retirement age with insufficient payments to receive a full state pension.

DH's job took us all over the UK, frequently moving house and location. I never had the chance to establish a career - just odd part-time jobs to fit in with husband and children. In the 1970s and 80s "managers' wives" were expected to be available to accompany their husbands to business functions. We used to have a book called "Managers and their Wives" (published in the 1970s). Seems incredible now.
I've seen how hard it has been for my DDs juggling work and childcare and I'm not sure how I would have coped with that. But I regret not having had a career myself and the financial independence that would have given me.

“Just a housewife” Floradora9
How judgemental are you!!

I went back to work when my daughter was 8 months old my husband had been made redundant and we needed the money. Our youngest daughter was born a couple of years later by which time he was working again. Unfortunately he left a few weeks after she was born, it was then a case of needs must. I dropped my hours to 26, still working now although been full-time for many years, retiring later this year.

I have a friend who has never ever worked outside the home. After leaving school at 16, she had her first child ten months later. She married her boyfriend and they had 3 more children. She was content to be a mother and homemaker. Three of her children grew up and left home, one stayed put until he was in his late 30s. She had no desire to go out to work, and she had no work skills. In the fullness of time she cared for ageing parents, grandchildren, and now her husband. She once said she used to wonder what it would be like to 'go to work' or have a career and earn her own money. Life was tough in the early days while her husband built up his own career, but they managed. She never thought of herself as 'just a housewife', she was raising the next generation and that was an important job in itself. But other peoples reactions to her non-working status annoyed her, they were often astounded, critical, demeaning and humiliating, and they treated her as less intelligent and uninteresting. So she didn't often talk about it. Official bodies (especially HMRC) wouldn't believe that she had never had any job when she had to fill in forms and were suspicious of her.

She considers herself very lucky to have had a happy and very fulfilled life and wouldn't have changed anything.

It makes me think that our working lives, and career successes shouldn't define us, they are just one facet of our lives. We as women (or men) are far more than that.

Do what suits you and your family. I would happily go without luxuries and holidays to be with mine first years until school, because they are so adorable at that age, however if there was no money coming in I would work, tgerchas to v3 a roof over your head and food.

As others have said, it's very much a personal decision based on multiple factors and I wouldn't judge anyone. My MIL said to my DH what a pity it was that our DD was having to go to a stranger and then said to her other son what a good idea it might be for his wife to get 'a little job'. Logic was obviously not her strong point....

It’s not necessarily a decision Suehappynana. It’s only a decision when you have a choice. I wept when I sat in my office and looked out of the window and saw mothers with their children. This thread has depressed me so much. I wish I hadn’t seen it.

What would worry me about not working is what happens if your partner cannot provide for any reason, divorce or death or disease and you need to become the main breadwinner.

Iff you have kept up at least some involvement in work, it is easier to get back to work quickly and at a better wage than if you are trying to return to work after 10 years or more out of the work environment.

I feel its funny in this day and age to hear people denigrated for being 'just a housewife/husband'.
It's a choice made in the same way as being a rocket scientist, gossip columnist, banker, gardener, teacher, cleaner, MP, et cetera; balanced with life commitment, finances, relationships. It isn't less than any other choice.
In the case of your friend OP, maybe, she had the blessed fortune to not have to work after children. Or even better, to be able to live without the frenetic "need" to work for profligate holidays/unnecessary trinkets/bolstering self esteem/keeping up with the Jones's and so on.

Stayed off for 6 years for two children, then went back to work full time for31 years. Husband liked the money I brought in but felt neglected ☹️so , a couple of years after returning to work I became a single parent. ?No regrets.

1 went back to work when my youngest was 8.

M0nica

What would worry me about not working is what happens if your partner cannot provide for any reason, divorce or death or disease and you need to become the main breadwinner.

Iff you have kept up at least some involvement in work, it is easier to get back to work quickly and at a better wage than if you are trying to return to work after 10 years or more out of the work environment.

Probably but with a DH overseas for a lot of the time I felt it was important for one of us to give my small children some stability. Add to that the fact that childcare was practically non-existent when my DC were small.
Some people have family nearby, others do not.
Although I had a MIL nearby she was herself working and bringing up a younger child on her own as she was widowed.

People's circumstances are all so different ' one size does not fit all.

Nobody is ever JUST a housewife. It is the hardest unpaid job anyone could have.
I went back to teaching 5 mornings when my daughter was one. Then returned to full time work when she was seven and our marriage failed. I had to work, there was no other option. I have no regrets. My daughter says she had an idyllic childhood.

I wish we'd have been comfortable enough for me not to go back to work, if at all - ever. Choice is a luxury. You all need to stop judging one another. I know some of you don't

I went back to work each time when my children were six months old AND was a housewife.

Callistemon21

M0nica

What would worry me about not working is what happens if your partner cannot provide for any reason, divorce or death or disease and you need to become the main breadwinner.

Iff you have kept up at least some involvement in work, it is easier to get back to work quickly and at a better wage than if you are trying to return to work after 10 years or more out of the work environment.

Probably but with a DH overseas for a lot of the time I felt it was important for one of us to give my small children some stability. Add to that the fact that childcare was practically non-existent when my DC were small.
Some people have family nearby, others do not.
Although I had a MIL nearby she was herself working and bringing up a younger child on her own as she was widowed.

People's circumstances are all so different ' one size does not fit all.

quite

I just felt we just muddled along and all the families I supported through my paid work were just doing the same (though I think the pressure is on new parents to be perfect -has it always been that way? I don't know)

Just a housewife! Jeez! We all did what was required of us, and suited us hopefully at the time, and for the record I was a housewife for many years! Both my husband and myself wanted me to stay at home as we didn’t want anyone to look after our children when they were young! It worked out very well for us everyone was happy!

JaneJudge

I wish we'd have been comfortable enough for me not to go back to work, if at all - ever. Choice is a luxury. You all need to stop judging one another. I know some of you don't

Comfortable enough

Comfortable would have been nice!

It was quite a struggle at times.
But no-one I knew went back to work until their DC at least started school because there was not the wealth of childcare then.

It was a different world.

growstuff

I went back to work each time when my children were six months old AND was a housewife.

No you werent because you weren't married to a house.

Really, the word housewife should be binned forever!!

M0nica

What would worry me about not working is what happens if your partner cannot provide for any reason, divorce or death or disease and you need to become the main breadwinner.

Iff you have kept up at least some involvement in work, it is easier to get back to work quickly and at a better wage than if you are trying to return to work after 10 years or more out of the work environment.

My husband died young, when the children were 9 and 6. The children and I were provided for via his insurance. (I also had savings of my own.) I am so grateful that I could continue to stay at home with the children. It would have been the worst possible time to change things.

(^though I think the pressure is on new parents to be perfect -has it always been that way? I don't know^)

Oh, I think we were all practically perfect in every way, JaneJudge

Oh, for a Mary Poppins when mine were young ?

Lots of people worked split shifts but your husband was abroad Callistemon which is a different set of circumstances anyway

I think looking after young children on your own is a bloody job. It irritates me that people don't value it in the same way. Lots of things people do have no monetary value, it doesn't mean it doesn't have value

I suppose t is like the saying, knowing the cost of everything and the value of nothing