Your day as a newspaper headline

PENSIONER INJURED IN JAMMY DODGER RELATED INJURY.
Plucky pensioner (66) was under the kitchen table trying to scrape the half-term induced explosion of squashed Jammy Dodgers and exploded felt tips off her kitchen floor when the doorbell rang and she banged her head on the kitchen table. The brave elderly woman crawled out and managed to phone a friend to complain about her grandchildren and intends to send a letter to her MP about the possibility of cancelling all future half term holidays. The plucky pensioner has also sent contraceptive pills to both daughter-in-laws and turned her phone off due to anticipated massive family row.

AGAA4 - Mine would be identical

Cherrytree59

Hunky men in florescent orange uniform trims woman's Bush.

Or

Giant conifer falls in snow storm.
felled by same men in --florescent orange gear--

?

Pensioner sorts out 50 year collection of jewellery to donate to charity.
The charity is likely to make as much as £5 from the sale.

Haha - love this thread, well done ladies!
GRANNY CARTWHEELS AROUND GARDEN!

Gramps very grumpy at utter failure of Boots £0.49p sample bottle.

My urine sample was rejected, simply because the lid was red plastic. It seems there is a world shortage of white topped pee bottles and the NHS no longer supply these.

(No supervision or managerial oversight of local privatised surgery could have something to do with this, in my humble opinion)

?

Woman tests positive for covid and faces a week of knitting.

Granny in Norfolk had her coffee in the garden first time this year

Pensioner, 80, puts fear into neighbours with her screaming and blubbing. She told police she was looking forward to eating a bacon sandwich for lunch but when she went to the fridge she remembered she had eaten the last rasher yesterday.

Entitled millennial whose dog will only sleep on Sanderson bedding.

see previous post @ 12.25

Knitting addict buys yet more wool. "I just couldn't help myself," she pleaded.

Floriel

Mits give kit a hissy fit

Yes another Maine Coon story. There seem to be several of us besotted owners on Gransnet. Has anyone found a way to groom out the mats AND keep your fingers? I’ve tried leather gloves but he still gets me on the wrist.
PS He’s a darling boy really.

Much too late to tell you now that you should have taken him by the scruff of his neck and said you would shake him while hissing the first time he did that as a kitten.

You see that was what his biological mother did when he misbehaved and it worked like a charm with my long deceased ginger female Norwegian Forest cat, and all and every cat who has tried that kind of defiance since.

You don't need to shake the little darlings gently -the threat is eough and hissing does work.

Or you can growl if you like, but I find hissing works better.

Elderly lady walks to post box during the only dry interval.

And she got home again too before the rain came on again.

"DUD CRABBY GRABS GRANNY!"
Collected a free YOUNG crab Apple tree from local council depot today, some but nut job had trimmed ALL the roots from it!!!! Council assured me that they were all supplied bye expert growers who "know what they are doing" ? Really? Every single one of the bored underpaid cold wet minions trimming the roots of what look like sticks -know exactly what they're doing..........?

"GRANNY GRABS DUD CRABBY"? ......

Dogs kick off in local park!

Old granny finally got round to stripping the bed in the spare room. " I've been busy" she lied.

Grandma oversleeps and has to grovel to doctors receptionist before being permitted her 4th dose of anti covid vaccine.

A few years ago I could have put forward:

Main Coon type cat destroys baubles and wrecks Christmas tree after attempting to climb it.

GD causes diet disaster when she persuades Grandma to show her how to make millionaire shortbread!

disabled woman finds new style of walking. Bad back walk changed by stepping on a nail with right foot!

95 year old gets excellent service from local GP surgery! Not only was the phone answered by a very pleasant sounding human being, they were extremely helpful in arranging a prescription for emergency supply of medication. Now if that is not headline news, I don’t know what is!!!
This actually happened today. I am looking after my brothers 95 yr old fil whilst all his family are on a long awaited holiday cruise to the Canary Islands. Long story short, I realised he was confusing his medication, in spite of being informed he was more than capable, and consequently was going to run out of one particular important tablet by next Tuesday! Phoned his surgery and got excellent service.

Woman was shocked when logging onto her nail salon.

When logging on this morning expecting to book for next week, I was shocked to find they had an appointment for today.

All change at the Sazz1 house after recently being invaded by several relatives
Beds they are a changing

Music Teacher’s Husband Clears Out Kitchen Cupboard Without Even Being Asked.
This monumental feat was achieved while the music teacher was enjoying coffee with a friend. The music teacher needed the lunch out with her husband which followed to recover from the shock.