Please tell me I am not being selfish!

She has created the problem for herself ...and it appears that her daughter feels no sense of mutual support between them! It's not your job to solve their self created problems!

You are entitled to the life that you want

WadesNan, selfish? No! Your home is your sanctuary - to be protected against uninvited guests. You need to make it crystal clear that you enjoy living alone and can't take anyone in.

WadesNan

You are all right of course, the daughter is very selfish and has been indulged all her life - even when she was with her husband my friend used to bail them out by paying off their debts. Please be assured, I have said no and will continue to do so (if I find myself weakening I will re-read this thread!) Thanks again

if I find myself weakening I will re-read this thread!

You absolutely must not weaken!

You'd be letting yourself in for all sorts of horrors - which others have pointed out, like you ending up being her carer. And even if that didn't happen, she'd be conducting her whole life in your house, your space and you'd completely lose your freedom, independence and privacy.

The daughter has bankrupted her mother - it's her responsibility to take her in. And why doesn't the daughter want her mother to live with her anyway?

As for the other friend pressurising you, I'd tell her politely that you are not going to do it and are not prepared to discuss the matter further... also that if she's so concerned for the woman, she can contact the daughter and put the pressure where it belongs... on her.

Without wanting to sound morbid what would happen if you died before your friend and your next of kin wanted to sell the house. Would the selfish daughter start kicking up and claiming her mother had some kind of squatters rights? Would the interfering friend be on to your family pressurising them to let your other friend have a lifetime right to stay in the house? Would the daughter decide to move in as well? She sounds like a total grabber and I wouldn't be getting involved in any arrangement like this.

You are absolutely not being selfish - that is truly an ask too far.

TBH it amazes me that anyone would ever ask such a thing, for such a reason.

Why not suggest to the other friend who’s putting pressure on you, that she might like to house the other long term instead?

You have to say no.

www.gov.uk/report-abuse-of-older-person

In my view, your friend's daughter is financially abusing her.

Welbeck I got legal aid for divorce involving domestic abuse. I wasn’t sure who was entitled to claim it now divorce laws etc.

25 years ago Legal Aid was far more widely available than it is now.

You are most definitely not selfish at all. Your friend should not impose the consequences of helping her daughter on you... Her daughter is the one person in your friend's life who should be grateful to her mother who is going to give up so much for her and open her home for her mother...

I had a friend who asked to move in with me when her landlord was selling up. We were good, long term friends but I did not want a lodger. She knew I liked living on my own. I said no and she cut me off. I don't think it is selfish, it is having boundaries. No-one has an obligation to house a friend. I would only consider it if they were homeless, which my friend wasn't.

Definitely NO NO NO in big capital letters, as I used to say to my DCs and pupils at school. DO NOT DO THIS.

It sounds like your friend isn't thinking straight at all. She's about to make herself homeless and dependent on friends for a roof over her head. That is the type of scenario most people dread happening to them in old age.
Her daughter is an absolute disgrace to be encouraging this for her own benefit.

If for no other reason don't do it because of potential future legal problems, she will gain some rights if she pays rent to you and could you afford to just keep her - no.

I agree with luluaugust. There could be all kinds of ramifications down the road and things could get very complicated.

If the daughter were paying the legal fees the divorce would have been settled years ago. My divorce was unspeakably difficult but when you're paying your own bills it focuses the mind (I didn't get mates' rates btw). I pity the husband. Perhaps he qualifies for Legal Aid on the grounds of domestic abuse. The daughter must be telling some very large porkies to your friend about the reason why the matter is so ridiculously protracted. If the divorce ends with the matrimonial home having to be sold and there is little equity in it, then if you take your friend in you will very probably be taking the daughter in as well. For heaven's sake say no. No friendship is worth ruining the rest of your life for.

A big fat NO from me too.

Your not being selfish at all. It was your friends choice to finance her daughters divorce. You are not responsible for your friends family decisions. It sounds like your friend is very good at emotional blackmail and I would steer very clear of her if I were you.

Absolutely not selfish! The friend putting pressure on you should be told if she’s so concerned, SHE should allow your mutual to live with her!

Absolutely ridiculous that people want to push you into doing what they won’t do themselves!

Absolutely not. You are not being unreasonable at all.

Nor selfish.

Please don’t do it ....

Absolutely NOT... let her daughter show some gratitude and take responsibility for fleecing her dry..

You are being guilt-tripped - stick to your guns xx

Don't even consider it!