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Who has had this happen to them? (humerous post)

(34 Posts)
Growing0ldDisgracefully Wed 02-Mar-22 10:45:44

Just saw this on Facebook and thought I'd share it :

A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was.
She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.
The least she could do is offer to pay part of the bills, but no. Every once in a while, I find a $5 bill stuck in a coat pocket or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. And I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $50 and a few days later, it's all gone! I certainly don't spend money that fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing.
Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate-especially the good stuff like ice cream, chips, and sweets. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.
For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my wardrobes when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.
She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers. She has done other things-like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knob and taps harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.
Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me
I hope she never finds out where you live!

crazyH Wed 02-Mar-22 10:55:21

She’s here …..the shameless mare walks around the house, without a bra….. and guess what, she wears red lipstick. Someone told her that red lipstick makes her teeth look whiter. Well, what teeth she has left. Her hair is dyed - she thinks it makes her look younger but I’m not so sure . And say no more about those leggings - what a sight!!!!!

PinkCosmos Wed 02-Mar-22 11:00:50

That's brilliant.

Shinamae Wed 02-Mar-22 11:05:09

Absolutely brilliant 😂😂😂😂

nandad Wed 02-Mar-22 11:07:48

I think she’s been here quite often too. I know this because she’s far bigger than me and doesn’t look as glamorous.

Kate1949 Wed 02-Mar-22 11:11:07

grin She's here too!

Nannylovesshopping Wed 02-Mar-22 11:11:49

She was here last night, drank all the gin!

AGAA4 Wed 02-Mar-22 11:13:31

Oh no I think she has been here too 😃 p0

AGAA4 Wed 02-Mar-22 11:14:29

She put that pO in my post!

Auntieflo Wed 02-Mar-22 11:20:29

I wondered who that was. Her sister is here.

Grannynannywanny Wed 02-Mar-22 11:22:52

Brilliant! If she asks for her missing twin sister let her know she sneaked in to my house a couple of years ago and I can’t find a way to get rid of her 🤣

Witzend Wed 02-Mar-22 12:12:54

I’ve got one of those! Hideous old hag who gets in front of me when I look in the mirror.

shysal Wed 02-Mar-22 12:14:02

Hilarious! 🤣🤣

dogsmother Wed 02-Mar-22 12:18:18

No doubt about it she’s here too, how do we shoo her away ?!

GillT57 Wed 02-Mar-22 12:23:31

She always comes shopping with me and walks along the windows, blocking the reflection of my trim, sprightly person with her shuffling, old woman personage. I think she must be behind me when I am at a checkout, signalling over my shoulder and whatever it is she says, it makes the cashier smile in a patronising way as I try to remember the pin number that the wicked old woman has changed since I last used it

timetogo2016 Wed 02-Mar-22 12:29:00

Her twin moved in with me during lockdown,and she`s put weight on too.

Kinsi10 Wed 02-Mar-22 12:43:06

Well, at least I'm not the only one with an unwanted visitor. The one here eats all my chocolate and biscuits.

Blossoming Wed 02-Mar-22 12:52:51

I find that if I take my glasses off before I look in the mirror she runs off and I can see my smooth, unlined face and neck again.

ExDancer Wed 02-Mar-22 12:57:12

Mine has must have been married to a shoemaker, she has a secret way of reducing the size of my shoes so they pinch and rub and I struggle to get them on. She has found a way to alter the heel height too so I stagger around and need a stick to stay upright.
She must be related to the others as she has the same irritating habits of all your unwanted visitors - especially the mirror hogging ones.
She uses my moisturiser cream too, but its not helping her wrinkles!

GillT57 Wed 02-Mar-22 13:15:56

My unwanted guest is something of a slattern, when I put my glasses on, I see all the dust she hasn't got rid of, and as for her window cleaning.......she must have terrible eyesight too as they are all streaked.

grandtanteJE65 Wed 02-Mar-22 13:17:02

Her cousin lives here! Or rather her cousins - the one looks like my maternal grandmother and the other like my paternal one.

Neither of them look like me AT ALL.

HowVeryDareYou Wed 02-Mar-22 13:24:32

There's an old, fat woman living in my house. I saw her briefly but then she appeared at the self-scan check-out thing, in Asda just now. My old lady is similar to my lovely mum, but several stone heavier!

BridgetPark Wed 02-Mar-22 13:27:15

Yes, she is an unrelenting cow....She visits my sister also, and she can't believe why she(sister) has shrunk upwards and widened considerably around her circumference. We must all get together to banish these interlopers...any ideas, ladies?

Doodle Wed 02-Mar-22 13:54:30

Wonderful Growingold grin
I’ve got one too. Mine is a disgusting wench. How she has the nerve to walk round in leggings with thighs like hers I don’t know. As for her stomach …….has she never heard of exercises.
Her hair is a mess too and those wrinkles. Mine stocks the fridge with fattening things and throws out all my vegetables.
What’s more, she sleeps in my bed and takes up all the space and she’s certainly not an early riser.
She never tidies up after herself either and is forever leaving her coffee cups on my table.
Where did all these women come from…….have we been invaded 😲

Grannybags Wed 02-Mar-22 14:09:36

I have one in my house too.

She does all of the above and also distracts me on my way up the stairs so I can't remember what I went up there for.

She sits next to me and tells me how much nicer my cup of tea would be with a packet of biscuits