Inviting friend we don't know

Changes the dynamic, I'd also be miffed. Should have checked first, or made arrangements for a different time.

If this new woman turns up, she is going to feel the animosity of the OP an d probably the rest of the ladies, albeit not the one who is bringing her, and maybe someone else. However, it could be that the parvenue is lonely, or has passed through a trauma, and the "dying to go to this hotel" isa just a cover-up. Yeds, it would have been polite to ask each one of you, separately (so that no one knows what the others have said) abiout it, but now the deed is done. The leasst you can do is be civil, and not cast dirty glances at either of them. Who knows, you might actually even like her. So, yoiu can either tell your friend to un-invite her, or accept her, or miss the event. Your call.

Just trying to think of ways to save gas and electricity. Do I really need to change my bedding once a week ??

Change happens.

I agree that it was inconsiderate of your friend to invite someone from outside your group. I'm a golf widow and once went on a golfing weekend with friends. I am the only non-golfer. To say I was bored is an understatement! It was all they talked about all the time. I have known them all for many years and really like them all, but when we got together it was very trying. Never again!

But we're not a group who meet up regularly. We literally meet once a year as an entire group for the purpose of having a reunion and catch up. Why would we want someone who has nothing to do with the reason for the reunion to become part of the group?
Fine if a couple of us were going to the cinema sometime and she brought her along. But she wants to include her in a weekend reunion. As I've said a couple of times on this thread would you invite someone who didn't go to your school to a school reunion on the grounds that she might become part of your old school group?

I just think it would have been better if your friend had asked everyone first, out of common courtesy. However, you might all get on really well and have a great weekend together. It might be so good that she’ll become part of your group. ?

Yes but it works the other way round as well. I have spent a couple of nights with people who I would rather not be around. I will never get that time back

I believe in the adage a stranger is only a friend you’ve never met
I love meeting new people so wouldn’t have a problem with this scenario.
My very close friend introduced a new friend to our group a few years ago. She is now a very good friend. Added to that she had a very interesting career as a forensic psychologist with Scotland Yard.
If I had taken the attitude of some on here I would have missed out on all the extremely interesting stories she has to tell.

I meet up regularly with three friends (all same school year) for jolly outings, on the bus since we got our passes at 60, and another younger friend asked to be invited once she got hers even though she barely knows t’others.

I had to decline gently, pointing out that I would never intrude on her weekly drinks meet up with her best friend, and further, her and I have our exclusive curry nights at hers or mine which they don’t get to enjoy!

It is difficult with smaller groups to keep a balance of what everyone prefers and when I mentioned it to my schoolmates, they agreed they’d never try to introduce someone new to our little foursome.

I’ve often thought of organising a free-for-all-who-know-me which could be the answer but I’m lazy/busy/on my travels half the time!

I don't think so. Her husband is a retired accountant and they seem very comfortably off.

I can understand why you would feel a bit peeved; much better if the friend had asked the group too.

But I would reserve judgement - you may find you see nothing of this lady. Personally I would be horrified at having to spend my days with a group of people I knew nothing about. If it's a nice hotel she may just be looking forward to some spa treatments, or a change of view, or some walks out by herself. You may find you see nothing of her except possibly at mealtimes. I'm not sure how she is going to be helping with expenses, unless maybe she is sharing a room with your friend and sharing her petrol costs. Is it possible your friend is finding it hard to pay for the trip?

Unless your exclusive group is concerned with illegitimate activities I guess they could cope with one stranger, even if it meant politely not commenting a lot when she intrudes on esoteric comments.

Kittye

Deedaa too many Queen bees perhaps ?
Sorry some of these posts beggar belief!
So much for kindness and sisterly support ☹️

Imv a little ott.

Calendargirl

Well, I totally agree with you Beswitched.

If others think that’s not being ‘kind’, so be it.

Thanks. I don't understand how it's unkind to want one weekend away together a year to just catch up and reminisce and slip back into our own shorthand.
My friend knows this woman because they're in the same bookclub. I wouldn't invite myself along to their Christmas night out because it's in a restaurant I've always wanted to try. And if my friend suggested it I'd say no, let's go ourselves sometime.

Being the sort of person who says it like it is (even if makes me unpopular), I’d tell your friend that none of you are thrilled with her bringing along another person. I might leave it until after the event (who knows, it might all go well) but something needs to be said in case the newbie asks to come again next year.

Please let us know how it all panned out after the weekend away Beswitched.

I think the friend who invited her friend hasn't thought it through. Not consulting other members first was a rude oversight. I feel for the 'outsider' and the group. This group of friends have met once annually for 30 years, spouses etc never invited, presumably because they enjoy shared group reminisces. Now the group may feel they can't spend too long on things the new guest will have no knowledge about. If they do, then the new guest won't be able to participate, but that may well be an important aspect for some for the annual meet. I wonder if responses would have been different if one member had announced their husband would be attending the weekend? I don't think the OP and her friends will be unwelcoming to the new person, but they are entitled to feel they would have liked to be consulted about something that will completely change the dynamics of the weekend.

Deedaa too many Queen bees perhaps ?
Sorry some of these posts beggar belief!
So much for kindness and sisterly support ☹️

A group of us have a day out together several times a year. We've all known each other for 60 years. The last time one of us brought a friend. The friend was a nice lady but boy could she talk! Every time we started a conversation she had done it all more often, more successfully, or more amusingly. As I said a nice lady but a little went a long way!

I would probably feel a bit annoyed but I would also feel very conscious that now one member of the group is being discussed behind their back.

I'd prefer an honest approach of having that discussion with her.

"Next time please ask the group before inviting someone else" kind of thing

Unless you find a way to deal with this you will all be trapped in a scenario where you are all talking about this, all unhappy and if this friend does join the trip there is going to be bad feeling and it will spoil it for all of you..

I think you need to ask yourselves if it is worth that or if it would be better to accept things and have a good time

That's lovely Ladygaga. I've become one of the group too, even though I don't share the history.

I can't imagine anything worse than spending the weekend with a bunch of friends of decades standing - delightful as they undoubtedly are.

(Actually I'd lie and tell the pair of them that the date had been changed to the following weekend, because I'd be really fed up if this happened to me)

On a more positive note - I met my SIL 15 years ago. She already had a close group of ex sisters in laws that she went away with every year. I was invited. It was me that found it difficult, not them. I felt I was intruding but they couldn’t have been nicer. I now go with them every year - were off to a Skeggy 60’s weekend in a few weeks. When they talk about old times I just enjoy listening to the stories - even though I’ve heard them so many times before ? Every group of friends is different, so of course you must all do what you think is the best for all of you. Good luck x

Well, I totally agree with you Beswitched.

If others think that’s not being ‘kind’, so be it.