Asking someone how they are

I say “Fine, thank you”.

TBH, if I meet someone and speak first, I usually say “hello”, but I don’t often ask how they are, and I really don’t expect them to ask me either. I think people just say it as a matter of course, they don’t expect a proper answer.

Callistemon21 You see, where you were going wrong was asking 'How are you?' If you'd just asked your MIL 'Alright?' you'd have got a brief 'Alright' in response. Or possibly not eh?!

? possibly not

I should have just said "Aw reet me duck?"

Callistemon21

? possibly not

I should have just said "Aw reet me duck?"

I've lived in the Aw reet me duck area and been asked in another How are you Hinny I thought they were saying Ginny.
Where we live now it is huw do marra ...how are you old chap to men and are ye aw reet to women.
They are all giving you an opening to say how you really feel but I think people just expect you to say I'am fine how are you.

I hate this “false speak” such as “how are you?” “Or pop round sometime” when it’s not meant.
“Have a nice day” and “no problem” are other irritating meaningless expressions.
Seems we can’t genuinely interact with each other any more only trot out banal phrases.

i always say yeah i am okay, even when i feel as if the world is falling down around me. i had bowel cancer (tumor) 3 years ago and told a good friend and neighbour, someone else heard and then it went around the building 50 plus houses, people kept saying i looked so well for someone who has cancer. i now just say i am fine and if someone goes on and on i just say...i hope you feel better, there is a lot of elderly widowed people around me so i have a lot of time for them and am happy to spend some extra time chatting.

I think the best way to avoid this issue is to totally ignore anyone you know.

I usually only ask people how they are if I know they have had problems and I actually want to know. I'm another one who always assures the GP that I'm fine!

I was brought up to say I'm fine even when I wasn't

I live in Bristol now and it's mostly 'Alright?" and often just ''right?"!

I share my worries etc with my good friends as they do with me. If I meet someone by chance and asked how I am doing I have a short reply. "I'm ok just getting on with life" I think it's short and sweet and no further explanations are required.

"How do?"
"Fine. You?"

Job done. I really don't want you to give me chapter and verse of you latest colonoscopy, infected ingrowing toe nail or emotional turmoil unless I'm really good friends with you. People who repeatedly thrust their ailments, worries and woes down the throats of anyone other than a very close friend is a self obsessed bore.

I'm another one who always assures the GP that I'm fine!

Deedaa I saw my GP recently and he asked, "How are you?"
To which I replied, "I'm not very well really, that's why I'm here."
He laughed! We both laughed ?

Perhaps we should just stick to the American "Hi" as it does not require an answer, only the same in return.

Big Louis that's interesting. I occasionally chat to people on WordswithFriends and if in USA they always start with "Hi". But what exactly does "lol" stand for.

I just answer ‘could be better, could be worse!’ and see where that takes the conversation ?

We used to have a friend (no longer with us) admittedly with serious health problems, who would give anyone who asked - even if he barely knew them - the most intimate details - at length - of his complaints.

A dd was once with him on one such occasion in his village - she said it was so embarrassing, she just didn’t know where to look!

I don't think people always think about the words they are using when greeting. A radio DJ (Scott Mills) I used to listen to ended his telephone conversations with listeners with 'see you later', which of course was untrue!'

I'm horribly guilty of going into too much detail :

I'm going to try and say ,fine thanks .

It's just that they ask about my father ,who is not fine .

Now in hospital for the second time this year having been home for a few days -he's completely out if it .

Either he's asleep or being insulting or saying that he's been kidnapped as part of a government conspiracy and rambling on until he drifts off again ...

Serial yackers are very annoying.

Lathyrus it's the same in my part of the world. It took me a while to realise it was just part of the local dialect. People really didn't care whether you were alright or not and certainly didn't want to know! After a while, I adopted the native greeting myself.

What infuriates me is the person who goes into great detail about people you don't know and are not interested in . Never asks how I or my family are. Maddening .

I agree with the person who said don't ask how she is. Fatal.

I think that this happens more often these days due to the lockdowns and people feeling isolated, so they haven't been able to talk to people as they normally would have.
I have found myself guilty of having a moan to people that have asked how I am purely because I haven't been able to speak to anyone for a couple of days!
Just a response to say that you have heard what they have said may be enough - they probably don't actually want an answer to their problems anyway, so maybe just a "sorry to hear that and I hope things get better soon " may well be all they need. Then finish off with "it's been nice to see you anyway" before you walk away!

Esmay I hope your dad will be ok. Poor thing. I do mean that sincerely. Sounds tough. ? Perhaps there is a regular 'get it off your chest' thread on Gransnet?

fairfraise

Big Louis that's interesting. I occasionally chat to people on WordswithFriends and if in USA they always start with "Hi". But what exactly does "lol" stand for.

Lol stands for ‘laugh out loud’ ?

I sometimes wonder if people who talk a lot about themselves have no one to listen and no close friends, so take the opportunity when it arises to offload on to some kind listener. I once paid a lovely lady £30 per hour to listen to me. How sad is that. ?