Asking someone how they are

Callistemon21

? possibly not

I should have just said "Aw reet me duck?"

Ooh Callistemon21 you must be from my neck of the woods (Mansfield). ?

Chewbacca

"How do?"
"Fine. You?"

Job done. I really don't want you to give me chapter and verse of you latest colonoscopy, infected ingrowing toe nail or emotional turmoil unless I'm really good friends with you. People who repeatedly thrust their ailments, worries and woes down the throats of anyone other than a very close friend is a self obsessed bore.

Totally agree. Your problems are yours. The trouble is a lot of people are lonely and genuinely worried about themselves.

One of my AC does that- which is fine- if its only her having a little rant about her life, her stuff, because im her mum- but she then goes on to tell me all about her friends woes & happenings too- which is very time consuming, and draining, besides which i cant really help with- so much so that her siblings have all started to avoid ringing or answering her for same reason! So I'm her only 'vent' now i guess! I haven't the heart to tell her though.?

G'day, how ya going? Good. Good. That's enough.

My aunt used to phone my poor mum and tell her all her woes and never ever asked my mum how she was, the phone call usually went on for over an hour. If I was there I used to sneak out and ring the doorbell, so my mum could say she had to go as someone was at the door. I've dodged behind hedges when I'm out with the dog to hide from people like this if I'm in a hurry to get home.

I met an old work colleague yesterday....I said "how you doing" her reply was "great how are you"...Short and sweet as we were both doing our shopping....xxx

I guess it goes back to the days (some time ago of course) when if you were introduced to someone new you'd reply "how do you do". And they'd reply "how do you do". Not asking after their health, just politeness.

FINE when someone replies that to me always tempted to say whole word or any particular letter
F----Fed up
I----Insecure
N---Neurotic
E----Emotional

I’ve noticed it is a generational thing, a teenager or someone younger than 50 wouldn’t pour it all out. Well that’s my experience anyway. I’m ok with it to be honest if it makes them feel better as long as I’m not in a rush I’ll give them there 10 minutes to offload.

If I met someone who I wouldn't class as a good friend I would say....How you doing.....Usual reply would be....Fine hows you....I'm good thanks I'd say with a smile...

With casual acquaintances and neighbours it tends to be:
"How are you?"
"OK thanks. And you?"
"Yes OK."
This exchange then becomes a general moan about how hard the last two years have been, what a mess the country is in etc.
My mother's response to such encounters and enquiries was always "Mustn't grumble". A more stalwart generation I think. I and many of my generation are much more likely to be up for a good old grumble.

Thanks for asking.. oh you didn’t want to know? I think you know the answer….

I have the kind of face that seems to attract strangers and their problems, even if I haven’t said a word!! Getting into a lift on Sunday, a complete stranger told me that it was her first trip out following hip surgery and she was planning a coffee stop with cake later.
I didn’t mind - I could’ve been the only person she’d spoken to in days. I’m rarely in such a hurry that I have to be abrupt or short with people.

I asked a lovely friend how she was and she asked me if I wanted the standard reply or the real one. I had plenty of time and wanted to know so I said the real one, but she was genuinely giving me a choice in case I needed to hurry off. Definitely a lovely person.

welll...it used to be and still is a meaningless form of polite address, a kind of 'stroke' not understood to be a meaningful question. But many many people are irritated by the meaningless and actually want a meaningful conversation which is not what was invited...hence the clash. I think both sides are right. Sometimes to answer 'Fine thanks' is seen as a brush off...and sometimes a real answer is seen as a bore.

I am quite happy for anyone to open up if they are feeling in need of a chat, but do get cross when you listen to all their problems be it health or otherwise and realise they are not interested in me at all - find there are a lot of people like that these days

Making an assumption you mean someone in particular instead of generally. It's fair to protect yourself if you feel drained after a discussion. The art is to politely not start the conversation using something like "What a lovely day" "Good to see you I'm just on my way to catch a bus, get my hair done etc. Let's catch up another time". Body language can indicate you are in a hurry.

I tend to be truthful but try to add something cheering. So at the moment major problems with my leg and painful and cant walk well etc. So if asked how I am I reply my leg is still being a pain but at least it is lovely and sunny today which is nice, or but it is great to be out in the garden. I wont be the boy who cried wolf, but to say fine when I obviously am not is too much of a lie and makes the conversation unworthy. . Another thing that happens is when people say to you can I do anything for you , or can I get something for you, but it is so vague that unless someone has a specific need at that time they dont feel able to ask for help.. So if I see someone who is struggling I try and offer a specific help, so I am going to the shop do you want the local paper, or do you need any bread? I think it works quite well as the other person can say yes no or suggest that I bring them some milk instead or whatever. Anyway seems to work ok for me

Maybe I have got too literal in my old age, but I hate lying when I answer ‘fine’. I am not but don’t want to go into it.

Sometimes I don’t answer but say ‘ Isn’t the weather nice and dry today?’. Or some other positive saying.

As one of the 'guilty' here I thought I'd own up and say I caught myself going into minute detail - to close friends I hadn't seen for ages - about what has been the very worst 2 years of my life and still evolving in that way. However, I did realise I was doing it inappropriately and have arranged to join a relevant support group so as not to burden my friends. Unfortunately another crisis involving one of the youngsters meant I missed the first meeting of the group. I appreciate very much those who have commented about the isolation and difficulties which might lead to this type of behavior.

I get really irritated when people respond with 'I'm good thanks'. I'm sure it's an Americanism that quite a few are using now especially the young. I think 'fine thanks' is fine!

My standard reply when asked 'How are You' is 'Nay se bad' which was my Doric speaking Gran's standard reply. She explained to me that to say everything was fine was to tempt fate. Nay se Bad usually raises a smile and perhaps a comment that they have not heard the expression for a long time, which diverts the conversation away from being a health check.

I always say “hi nice to see you “ that doesn’t really leave room for a great personal deluge. If some one asks how I am, I always say fine, wether I am or not because really there are only 4 people that I would be comfortable sharing personal things with

gillyjp

I get really irritated when people respond with 'I'm good thanks'. I'm sure it's an Americanism that quite a few are using now especially the young. I think 'fine thanks' is fine!

“I’m good” is an Americanism that is thankfully going out of fashion. A little while ago, if l asked any of my teenage pupils how they were l would get the “I’m good” answer. To which I was always tempted to reply (but never quite had the nerve): “I’m glad you are behaving yourself but how are you.”

Unfortunately no one burdens anyone with how really feeling which is quite sad because I’m guilty of it too if anyone asks me how you feeling i smile and say im fine even if I just want to sit down and cry. But I seem to have done that a lot since covid came into our lives.