Gransnet forums



(55 Posts)
Audi10 Sun 27-Mar-22 18:35:28

I’m trying to think of the best way to word this, firstly let me say I’m very appreciative of my friends and family, love them to bits, but I’m getting to the point of please don’t buy me any more bits and pieces! I’m actually de cluttering and getting on pretty well I think, so what’s the problem you might say? Despite me telling telling my friends family please don’t waste your money on me they do! Give to such and such charity, etc etc, it falls on deaf ears I’m afraid! I do end up keeping the things they’ve bought me as I just can’t give it away! Anyone else have this happen! There’s only so many things you can have despite living in a large home

Shandy57 Sun 27-Mar-22 18:39:53

I know some people deal with this by regifting - and unfortunately some people have received the gifts they've given back as presents.

I think the people giving you these things gain pleasure from the act of giving, and want to show you they've thought of you. I'd put another shelf up!

Jaxjacky Sun 27-Mar-22 18:43:38

Yes and I have to get firm, I donated one Christmas presents to charity, a couple to my daughter, both from the same couple, I’ve known him for 30 odd years, her for 20. They will never have seen a scented candle or diffuser in my house, but they bought me some!
The only way I can see for me to get round it is to ask for garden vouchers, I’ll always use them, I’ll do that via MrJ who goes for a drink with him weekly.

Kate1949 Sun 27-Mar-22 18:45:55

I feel the same. It was my husband's birthday last week. He said he didn't want 'things' and could he have foody bits. He loves cooking and was bought nice olive oil, cheeses, crackers, wine and gin. He was happy

Audi10 Sun 27-Mar-22 18:45:56

Yes! I think that’s the thing they do gain pleasure in the act of giving that’s right Shandy57! Oh what a great idea Jaxjacky garden vouchers! Solved!

ShazzaKanazza Sun 27-Mar-22 19:13:45

We tend to get experiences or restaurant vouchers now which we really appreciate. We love making new memories.

Allsorts Sun 27-Mar-22 19:18:27

I’m the same, I cant eat chocolate and keep getting it. I give up, I just give it away.

crazyH Sun 27-Mar-22 19:20:16

I have told my children, I didnt want gifts. I’d rather go for out for a meal with them. So that’s what my daughter and I did today - had a nice lunch on the front, after which we sat on the benches and watched the glistening blue sea. It was truly magical …

VioletSky Sun 27-Mar-22 19:23:09

Maybe you could ask for time instead?

Being taken for a meal or a day out?

Memories are always more precious for the giver and the receiver

Oopsadaisy1 Sun 27-Mar-22 20:28:30

We have agreed to limit their spending on us to £5.00 for each occasion and that includes the card and postage .
I said that I would be cross if they spent more as we don’t need anything, they have no money and I definitely don’t want anything that I have to dust.
I got cards and flower seeds from MissOops and a card and Maltesers from MzOops.
Just what I wanted!

M0nica Sun 27-Mar-22 20:40:35

We have always kept our gift giving circle very small. Immediate family and no one else. Mostly now for birthdays we get given experiences and at Christmas, we produce wish lists.

Witzend Sun 27-Mar-22 22:14:48

Maybe you just have to say it more firmly. I’ve told everyone I really don’t want any more ‘stuff’ - I’m trying to get rid of things.

Siblings are the same. Presents all round are ‘consumables’ only now, whether that’s a box of fudge, a bottle of gin, or smoked salmon by post.

Coastpath Sun 27-Mar-22 22:27:57

I feel the same. You get to an age where there's just nothing you need...or if you do need something you go and buy it. I'm also conscious that there are so many people in need and here we are with all this excess and environmentally it's a nightmare. Last Christmas made me feel very uncomfortable with the oodles of 'things'.

I've already spoken with some people about making charity donations instead next year, but there are some family and friends who I know won't take to this. Difficult to know how to resolve that.

Esspee Mon 28-Mar-22 00:28:46

I give intangible gifts normally, e.g. riding lessons or virtual reality tickets for the grandchildren, National Trust or Historic Scotland membership for adults. Then consumables such as a lovely variety of cheeses, wine, special coffee, honey etc.

seacliff Mon 28-Mar-22 07:30:29

Crazy H. So that’s what my daughter and I did today - had a nice lunch on the front, after which we sat on the benches and watched the glistening blue sea. It was truly magical …

My idea of heaven, simple, beautiful, and such a great memory

henetha Mon 28-Mar-22 10:07:26

Yes, I've got too many 'things'. But many were given to me by people I love, so it's difficult to ditch them.
One of my sons asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day and I said "cake". So he bought me a lovely carrot cake and it's a real treat as I normally never eat cake. smile

PinkCosmos Mon 28-Mar-22 10:46:34

We have agreed with my 87 year old MIL that we will take her for dinner instead of buying her more stuff.

I would happily stop buying for and receiving presents from adult members of our family and friends. I have tried to suggest this but feel like it makes me sound mean.

I think it depends on the person. My SIL likes to get lots of small presents to open. I gave her a M&S voucher one year and she looked quite disappointed.

I only really buy a birthday present for one friend now as she always buys me something. Mind you, she always buys me a variation on one thing and it is something that I neither need nor use. I haven't the heart to tell her. It's the thought that counts I suppose.

Baggs Mon 28-Mar-22 10:49:00

Be firmer. Really insist that people don't buy you presents. The message clearly isn't getting through at the moment.

Tell them you'll just chuck stuff out. That'll stop them.

In short, really MEAN what you say so that they take it in. Good luck.

inishowen Mon 28-Mar-22 11:48:15

My granddaughter loves to be taken to Claires to buy rubbish. Her mum sighs and says "please no more c**p". If you have children the amount of silly bits they collect are off the scale. To the OP, I would accept the gifts then quietly donate to a charity shop. That way they'll do some good.

TerryM Mon 28-Mar-22 11:50:45

Definitely can relate. I have dropped in conversation to son more than a few times that husband and I would love vouchers or "tickets" such as lunch with him and the family or the movies. We are getting close to having declutterred and I would love time with my family.
However presents are still bought
Similar to many others we can buy tangibles ourselves

fifeywifey Mon 28-Mar-22 11:50:55

I'm drowning under "stuff" too and when I remembered that Mother's Day was approaching I asked my daughters not to buy me anything but to donate money to the Ukranian appeal instead. This they did but also treated me to a subscription of my favourite magazine which I think is a great present. I like the idea too of being treated to a meal and having some "girly" time with my daughters. Having their time and company is far the best present I could wish for.

JenniferEccles Mon 28-Mar-22 11:58:11

I think most people when they get to our age (or even younger) have accumulated too much ‘stuff’. Even I have and I hate to be surrounded by clutter so I’m definitely more of a minimalist.

Even though my ‘stuff’ is in drawers and cupboards, it still bothers me as I know it’s there!

Chewbacca Mon 28-Mar-22 11:58:13

As a family, we gave up on giving "stuff" to each other a long time ago - the only exception being young children. We celebrate birthdays, Christmas etc with theatre tickets, restaurant vouchers, spa days or experience days out as a family. DS is 40 this year and we've all clubbed together to send him and DIL away on holiday for a few days on their own. Cuts down on the wrapping paper and landfill and the memories last longer!

Amalegra Mon 28-Mar-22 12:12:22

I enjoy the bits and pieces I have accumulated over the years but am non too anxious to be gifted random ‘stuff’ no matter how kind the thought! My children usually ask me for ideas, which is lovely of them. I often ask for a favourite perfume ( if they can find it at a reasonable price!) or a some make up I would like to try/am running out of (more for my daughters, that one!). Another is books. I have for many years been a keen reader of Russian history ( dodgy at this present time,I know) and there are always lots of books I would like to read on this subject which I find endlessly fascinating. Some are difficult to get/expensive but second hand is fine by me. I was very touched some years ago when my son managed to find a book I longed to read in America and had it shipped over for me, the cost of which was dearer than the book itself!

jaylucy Mon 28-Mar-22 12:12:49

I'm still dealing with the remains of both of my parents gifts!
For both their Ruby Anniversary and Golden Anniversary they requested donations be made to a hospital in Leeds that had treated my niece when she needed to have a blood clot removed from her brain after an accident when she was a baby, and for the Golden, it was donations for the Royal Brompton hospital, where her twin had been treated for a hole in his heart.
Despite that, relatives still gave them gifts as they didn't feel they could come to the party empty handed!
I have finally decided, after asking my brothers and sister to take a momento after my parents died, that it is long past time to donate the remaining items to a charity shop!