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Hurtful comments to childless people

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Vintagejazz Tue 29-Mar-22 14:38:12

I work with 2 women, one of whom lives with her elderly mother and is single with no children. The other is in her thirties and has a toddler.

The older colleague remarked this morning on how tired she was because her mother (who has lung problems) was coughing quite badly for a lot of the night. The younger colleague said "oh that's nothing compared to trying to amuse a 2 year old in the early hours of the morning ". I caught the really hurt look on my older colleague's face.

My sister couldn't have children and had to put up with really hurtful comments across the years "you don't know what tired is until you have kids", "having children is what gives meaning to your life",and so on.

Surely people should think before they make stupid comments like this in front of people who can't have children?

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M0nica Wed 30-Mar-22 21:47:55

DD decided she didn't want children when she was about 4, and decided that she was too uncompromising to live with anyone when she was about 20.

She is now nearly 50 and I asked her whether anyone had ever asked her why she was childless, or even why she has always been single and she said no one had ever mentioned it to her.

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Galaxy Wed 30-Mar-22 21:55:54

I am I think too uncompromising to live with anyone other than my children, I have been married a long time! That takes a particular kind of strength Monica, I admire her a lot.

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Vintagejazz Wed 30-Mar-22 21:57:28

It's not always the comments to people's faces that hurt. It's often thoughtless throwaway remarks that can hit deep for people struggling with the fact that they are involuntarily childless.

Of course most people don't intend to cause distress, but it's an area where people have started to speak out in recent years about their feelings so I would hope other people are learning to be more tactful and sympathetic

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JenniferEccles Wed 30-Mar-22 23:00:32

I fear that, over the years, too many childless couples have had to pretend to smile at silly, tactless comments about how any pets they may have must be child substitutes.
Some folk of course make a deliberate decision to not have a family, but for many, childlessness is a source of great sadness and regret to them.

Maybe pets do fulfill a gap for those people, even for those who chose not to have a family, but it’s unkind to ram that point home.

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