The life you could have had

A normal childhood and an iota of confidence would have led me down a different path. However, my life is good but my self esteem is non existent.

I regret not working harder at school and insisting I went to University but I would have got little family support, so didn't try as hard as I should. Regret marrying 1st husband but there again I wouldn't have my lovely DS. Do not regret first job I took post divorce, as that's where I met DH.

I trained as a nurse when I was offered the chance to be classically trained as a singer. I don’t have any regrets because I wouldn’t have gone on holiday to Greece with a friend and I wouldn’t have met my husband! No regrets, of all my decisions this was the best, but then I was lucky I guess.

I have made mistakes and done things I regret but if I hadn’t taken those decisions I wouldn’t have my wonderful Daughters or my dearest darling Grandchildren-I’m still making bad decisions (probably£ but the love I give and receive from my children and their children is what I live for now- my own dear Parents have been so kind to me all these years (I’m 62 later this year) and I’m lucky enough to have 3 wonderful Sisters to help me care for them in their failing health.
I am happy in myself and people say why are you always so cheerful but it’s just the way I am !

Never look back, we all have made mistakes but it’s the future that counts.

I’ve made a total mess of it and am desperately unhappy

I've never posted here. Just read the odd post. Had to respond to this.
8.5 years ago when I turned 50, I had a letter from my ex (been apart about a year I think). He said he couldn't live without me and asked to see me.
I agreed and he proposed. We'd been together 6 or 7 years off and on before that, but never apart so long.
He had prepared notes on what he needed to do before we could marry (to wind up his business, clear debts, etc). He estimated it would take 6 years. I wasn't happy and it was reduced to 4 years.
It actually took 8 years! We married last August - it was a lovely day.
3.5 weeks ago he walked out on me while I was at work. We hadn't argued, I didn't see it coming. He went back to his old life, which despite 8 years, he hadn't wound up.
What if I hadn't said yes when he asked to see me, or when he proposed?
I had got my life together and was used to managing without him. I may have found someone more stable to give the end of my life to.
I was widowed at 41 and this felt like that all over, but almost worse because he'd abandoned me. One of the last things I said to him was that I loved him. Odd, it was the same with my late husband.

Suppose I'd worked a bit harder and not gone clubbing as much. I might have stayed on the first course I did after school (but I had so much fun).
I could have followed my Greek boyfriend home one summer and stayed there (but I'd probably have got skin cancer).
I could have stayed away from the man I married and found someone who was better for me (but I wouldn't have the lovely DSs and DGCs I have).
For every what if Gagajo there is some compensation. It's still cold and wet, it's been a long winter but spring is coming even in the NE.

I sometimes wondered, how my life would have turned out had I stay in my country of origin and settle with a local guy.

Looking back, I have no regrets. Very pleased with the way my daughter has turned out considering that my husband is a son of an alcoholic and when I looked into his family history, the cycle of dysfunctionality has been going on for at least the last three generations.

My husband vowed to be a father to my daughter the father he never had and I like to think that I have given him the calm, unchaotic married life someone of his childhood background deserves.

DH said he got a family curse, but so far, it has not rubbed off on me. Been lucky, got the first job I applied for in the UK, managed to avoid redundancy, whenever I have a problem and become distressed, something always happen to save the day.

When I was only 14 a handsome 19-year-old Italian fell in love with me on a beach! He wasn't at all sleazy, really genuine. He wanted to marry me but I was overwhelmed by the whole experience. If I hadn't been, I might have been a Turinese Signora, with an Italian family. No, I never wonder what it would have been like. I hope he married someone more suitable and has had as happy a life as I have.

I recommend the book 'The Midnight Library' by Matt Haig . It examines this very subject and it profoundly changed the way I thought about things. All decisions lead to small changes that have an impact far wider than you can probably imagine.

The moving finger writes and having writ moves on. Nor all.thy piety nor wit can move it back to cancel half a line, nor all thy tears wash put a word of it. Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam.

Pointless in the extreme. If I look back I just think Interesting how x led on to y and when things happen now wonder what they might lead on to. Your life is just your life with all its twists and turns.

If I die tomorrow I will die happy....I have had such a lovely life...Brilliant hubby & family.....I'm not in the least bit materialistic and always been happy with what I have....I live with the motto ..never look back always look forward... Maybe just been lucky in life..

So many of you have been married more than once as I have. I find that interesting. The previous generation usually stayed together come what may. I have had a varied and interesting life but I have hurt a few people along the way which I bitterly regret. My parents gave me no guidance on anything really so I made a lot of mistakes. Never settled till I was about 50 and will never ever let anyone down again.

#karmalady I've always found life turn out exactly the way it should. I no longer worry about what ifs from the past. I may be getting older but there's still a lot of future left.

Ellie Anne

I’ve made a total mess of it and am desperately unhappy

I'm so sorry Ellie Anne. Is there nothing you can do to make it better?

If my husband hadn't died when I was 41 we'd still be together.
When I remarried last year, that was it as far as I was concerned. I never would've given up on the marriage. It was for the rest of my life as far as I was concerned. Sadly my husband didn't feel the same.

mulberryruth

I recommend the book 'The Midnight Library' by Matt Haig . It examines this very subject and it profoundly changed the way I thought about things. All decisions lead to small changes that have an impact far wider than you can probably imagine.

Oh my, I've just found this in my bedroom. My husband read it before he left!

Still living in East Anglia as well. Now too old to move away, but it is a pleasing area to live in, has drier climate than elsewhere, many charming towns and villages.. Public transport terrible.

If I had gone to Australia when I was younger I wouldn’t be here (UK) now.
I fell deeply in love with an American and we talked of setting up home there but my ex told me he would never allow our children to visit me so I didn’t go - didn’t realise he could not forbid contact. However I have a wonderful relationship with my children which I probably wouldn’t have had I been over the pond

Looking back I realise I could have done more career wise, but didn' t want unlimited hours, heavy responsibility and the stress that went with it ..
and I realise it was a conscious choice. I' ve seen breakdowns, heart attacks and suicides because of blind ambition, a higher salary and a snazzy job title .....

I thank my lucky stars that every time a life changing decisions cropped up I must have chosen the correct direction. I shudder to think how things might have ended up. Today my life's the best it could be.

" the road not taken", Robert Frost. I am content with my life, but regret the things I didn't do, the roads I didn't take. My life , though good and full of love, has been guided through a sense of duty ( though not one I regret) and a great deal of cowardice and fear to make the big changes. Too late now, but I often think "what if" or " if only".

Menothim. I totally agree . " the Midnight Library" is an excellent and thought provoking read

read Midnight Library . Matt Haig I think ?