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Vanity thy name is woman (yes I know it’s a misquote)

(103 Posts)
Lucca Thu 07-Apr-22 08:21:04

I have a terminal cancer diagnosis and have just had second session of chemotherapy which I hope will buy me time. I shall sign up for any trials offered and plan to cling on as long as I can !
I have a wig ready. I had my hair cut very short last week and it looked fabulous though I say it myself (actually so did everyone else !)
But today my hair is almost gone.. Why am I so upset? What does it matter really ?
Actually I think I have to admit I’ve always been rather vain. I care what I look like, how I dress etc. (for myself not other peoples opinion) Do you ?

Sorry…I’ve rambled on.j

snowberryZ Thu 07-Apr-22 08:26:38

Hi Lucca,
I think we're all a bit vain to some degree.
Is it possible for a hairdresser to cut your wig in the same shorter style that you like?
Could that work?

snowberryZ Thu 07-Apr-22 08:27:18

Oh, and ramble on as much as you like!wink

Grandmabatty Thu 07-Apr-22 08:28:22

I'm sorry to hear your news. ? I think hair frames our face and it's like part of us has gone therefore we grieve the loss. I think you are allowed to feel sad, given your diagnosis. I have very little hair left after years of thyroid problems. It bothers other people more than me, to be honest. Except when I look at photos and there's a fat, bald person looking at me! My best wishes to you.

GrannyGravy13 Thu 07-Apr-22 08:28:24

(((Hugs))) Lucca sorry to learn of your diagnosis.

I think how we present to the outside world is totally tied up with how we feel about ourselves, is that vanity I am not sure.

I know when I wake up some mornings and look in the mirror I look to my mind dreadful and baggy other days I look ok and it’s the days when I look ok that I have a spring in my step.

Curlywhirly Thu 07-Apr-22 08:29:32

Lucca so sorry to hear of your terminal cancer diagnosis thanks I don't think there are many people (both female and male) that would be happy about losing all their hair. I certainly care how I look and dress and if that makes me vain, so be it. Take care. x

Esspee Thu 07-Apr-22 08:31:20

? for you Lucca.

kittylester Thu 07-Apr-22 08:33:07

I too am sorry to hear your diagnosis Lucca and ramble all you like.

I sort of agree with gb but also think it is something to hide behind.

I hate seeing myself first thing too.

Riverwalk Thu 07-Apr-22 08:33:30

I'm really sorry about your diagnosis - hope the chemo does a good job and you stay around for as long as possible.

I think every woman who loses her hair is upset - it matters because it's quite a dramatic change to appearance. There's nothing vain about caring how you look - I do my best to look reasonable!

Have you been out in your wig yet?

Kinsi10 Thu 07-Apr-22 08:54:02

So very sorry Lucca. My thoughts and prayers are with. You are right, take every treatment, trial and drugs offered. Nothing vain about wanting to look your best. Have you wig cut in your favourite style, I think most women would agree, we all like to look our best. It is perfectly natural to feel upset. As for 'rambling', your daily posts (and those of others on this site) are one of the highlights of my day.

Serendipity22 Thu 07-Apr-22 08:54:09

Absolutely 'ramble on' as much as you want, if it helps you then thats ALL that matters x

Yes, I would be at a loss if I lost my hair,but i would most certainly have an array of wigs. My friend lost her hair through treatment and she bought a couple of wigs, they looked absolutely fabulous and gave her confidence.....

Carry on 'rambling' please x

Smileless2012 Thu 07-Apr-22 09:00:20

Where better to 'ramble' Lucca. Are you vain? Not at all, you're courageous and strong flowers.

dragonfly46 Thu 07-Apr-22 09:02:08

So sorry to hear your diagnosis Lucca. Initially when I lost my hair due to chemo I was quite proud and wore my baldness as a trophy - I suppose I knew it was for a short time. I did have a wig for special occasions though!
Now I am on medication which is causing me to have a receding hair line and very fine straight hair - my hair was always curly before - and I hate it. I have had it cut as short as possible to make it seem thicker and try all the products I can but I have lost my confidence.

volver Thu 07-Apr-22 09:02:52

Just echoing what everybody else says.

flowers ?

eazybee Thu 07-Apr-22 09:05:02

Lucca, I am very sorry to hear of your diagnosis.
The loss of your hair is traumatic but it will return, and personally I think a little bit of vanity keeps you going and shows you haven't given up or given in. Enjoy the wig looking fabulous.
In answer to your question I know I am vain, and I dress for myself, but it helped during covid, keeping up self-imposed standards.

dogsmother Thu 07-Apr-22 09:12:38

?? Just as everyone has said now is the time to be spoiling yourself and yes I would be vain for me too.
Hair and eyebrows too frame your face so do all you can put on that defiance to the world I know I would xxxx

ShazzaKanazza Thu 07-Apr-22 09:17:39

Lucca ?? please ramble on all you like.

I can’t imagine how I’d feel in your position. I’m really proud of my hair and just can’t know how I would feel if I lost it. You see so many beautiful women who have no hair for different reasons.
I always like to dress nice and care how I look when I walk out of the door. It’s having pride in yourself. But I don’t consider my self vain and neither should you. ?

Sago Thu 07-Apr-22 09:18:45

Lucca I am sorry to hear your sad news.

I looked after my MIL through her diagnosis so know a little bit about what is coming your way.

Firstly look at this wonderful charity set up by Trevor Sorbie; www.mynewhair.org/about-us/

My MIL was given an awful wig by a company contracted by the NHS, no car or thought at all.
I found her a fabulous company who spent 4 hours helping her choose wigs and cutting them for her.
She looked amazing and felt so much better, we gave this hairdressers leaflets to the hospital, they got so much business they gave MIL a free wig!

Vanity is about how you feel, this is one time in your life you can be as vain as you wish.

I found a lot of the American forums better for advice than UK ones.
We also discovered that if you don’t ask you don’t get! A lot of nagging meant she got on a trial that was combining two drugs, it made a big difference and gave her a lot of extra time.

I hope you can share your progress with us all, good and bad, feel free to rant and waffle.

???????

Ladyleftfieldlover Thu 07-Apr-22 09:23:14

Lucca. Ramble on.?????????

foxie48 Thu 07-Apr-22 09:27:46

No, not in the slightest bit vain. I would also mourn the loss of my hair. Spend time and money making yourself look nice, I recently bought a topper to disguise my thinning crown, I went somewhere where they specialise in all sorts of wigs and cut them to suit. If you aren't entirely happy with the wig you already have, it may be possible to have it restyled, or just buy another. Good luck with your treatment and fingers crossed for a trial.

DiscoDancer1975 Thu 07-Apr-22 09:29:41

I’m so sad to hear of your diagnosis, and pray you can ‘cling on’ as long as possible too,

I think this gives you a license to ramble on as much as you like. ?

Polly73 Thu 07-Apr-22 09:30:02

Really sorry to hear your news, Lucca. My SIL lost her hair through chemo and she bought two wigs which she used occasionally - but she was happier wearing some rather lovely turban style head coverings that she got online. Best wishes to you flowers

Lucca Thu 07-Apr-22 09:30:32

Thanks everyone. My wig is very good, I went to a specialist hairdresser and paid a lot …who cares ?!

It is a strange kind of limbo I’m in really. I dont have a time frame…
I’m less panicky than I ever thought I’d be about the “awfully big adventure “ but there’s no doubt that the thought of leaving my wonderful sons and precious GC is the worst thing so I try not to dwell on that.

Right I’m going to be brave and wash my hair now, I think that will be “Arrivederci capelli”….

kittylester Thu 07-Apr-22 09:32:03

I assume you know that there is a website offering info on trials. Will see if I can find it.

Lucca Thu 07-Apr-22 09:33:13

Thanks but I gather my delightful oncologist is really hot on research and trials