Thinking of trying online dating site…good idea?

before you go online dating why not watch BBc1 at 10am each morning,, it's called.......'For Love or Money or bbc iplayer on catch up!
Of course it's about the many women and men who have sent money to someone the've never met.

Thanks lemship I’ll look for it in iPlayer. I wouldn’t be interested in messaging to anyone from outside the UK. I assume the money requests come from people living abroad?

Just remember never to send cash!

I know lots of people who try online dating and I know a few success stories . My son being one of them! Happily married with 3 children now. Both teachers. They'd been struggling to meet in the RL being so busy and online helped them greatly.

There are many disaster strips of course, but take it slowly, chat and get to know them. There are good people out there.

And of anyone offers you a dickpic, politely say no and move on!

I know a friend of my mother-in-law met a lovely man of her own age online a few years ago - but she told me she found a lot of the sort of men you don't want on the cheaper websites (and lots of men just wanting sex). She said once she paid for a more expensive membership elsewhere she found more suitable men who were actively looking for a life partner.
Unfortunately I don't know what sites she used.

Tinder isn't the best!

There is some truth in what you say however there are more positive stories than negative.

I know of several successful relationships that started on a dating site. I personally do not know of anyone that was scammed, I know it happens but there are ways of staying safe.

You have nothing to lose from just having a look. Good luck.

Indeed, some men are looking for younger women for any number of reasons. Some are looking for older women for any number of reasons. Some people have a good experience of dating apps, some don’t. It’s just another way to meet people. Bear in mind of the negative stories you’ve heard but don't let them put you off. Try it with an open mind.

Do check out the old Stella Grey Mid-life Ex-Wife columns from a few years ago. 50 year old woman tries online dating for the first time and perseveres until she meets Mr Right.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/series/mid-life-ex-wife

Mine is a success story.
I met G my partner via OLD 15 years ago when I was 51 and he was 57. He had three children, all now married, and seven grandchildren; I haven't had children but have inherited a lovely ready-made family.
We waited about two years before I met his adult kids (only really because they lived in different cities and there was no Zoom back then). I was quickly accepted into the fold by all the young ones except a DIL who saw me as a threat as I might dilute her husband’s inheritance.
We lived apart (though with regular sleepovers and wonderful holidays) for the first 10 years then I moved into G’s house as it suited our needs better than mine. I contribute to our household expenses, apart from house maintenance and mortgage. I went to a lawyer and signed a document saying I will not, and do not wish to, make any claim to his home. I initiated this, without G’s knowledge, as I wanted to reassure him that I would not interfere with his kids’ inheritance by claiming anything from his estate (I have nieces who will be my beneficiaries). In response, G initiated a similar document, protecting my house. (Though I say ‘protecting’, here in NZ a partner of at least three years, married or de facto, has relationship property rights, but we do not intend to dishonour these legal commitments we made. We have not told his children about our estate plans.
His DIL (younger son’s wife) is constantly on at my partner to sell the 100 year old house (money pit!) with large section, not to reduce maintenance hassles, but so that her family could get an inheritance now, rather when he dies. She is a nasty piece of work, but thankfully her husband (G’s younger son) is supportive of his dad doing whatever he wishes. Daughter and older son have made it very clear they fully support our very happy relationship, and often refer to how we should be enjoying life more by going on overseas holidays, cruises etc (pre-Covid), which would go some way to reduce their inheritances.
The last 15 years haven’t been entirely smooth sailing, with health issues, a business failure, two very ill grandchildren, and the usual tiffs and differences that are characteristic of a long-term relationship. But we are very happy and content. I am eternally grateful to OLD. We are have so much in common, including birthdays.
In case I have made this sound like my relationship was easy to come by, it certainly wasn’t. Over 18 months I “auditioned” 41 men before meeting G. The overwhelming number of these I merely shared a coffee with; some dinner; some dalliances of one or two months … I could write a book. There were times when I almost chucked in the towel, thinking it was too hard, there was no lid for my pot, I’d be better staying single …
So, ShropshireMiss I would definitely recommend you give OLD a go. Keep your standards high, set your non-negotiables and stay safe. I’m happy to share other tips that I worked out for myself. Good luck!

That's a lovely story Sue. Wishing you continued happiness

Not quite the same but I hoped my two oldest DGD would use a website during covid to meet someone. I suggested it and the eldest DGD (24 at the time) sheepishly said she had used a Christian site.
First one was a Pastor who did nothing but talk about his previous long term relationship.
Second was a geek !
Third one absolutely lovely-definitely a keeper. A mature (but fun!) young man, a practicing Christian. Only thing is he lives about 3 hours away-but that doesn’t stop them! ?
So, give it a go, just be careful and discerning

Joining a church is definitely a good way of meeting new people and who knows, your future partner!

Not sure why a 49-year old is asking this question on this site.
Approval from “oldest and wisers “ ?

Usual response. Why shouldn't she.

I wish you well ShropshireMiss.
SueBlue's experience is heart warming. Good to read your story Sue.

MawtheMerrier

Not sure why a 49-year old is asking this question on this site.
Approval from “oldest and wisers “ ?

I think OP is asking for advice from others who may have experience of online dating sites. I don't think she is looking for approval from grans. For some people their work situation is not conducive to meeting a potential long term partner.
I consider the OP is doing the sensible thing in asking a group of older people for their experience of meeting through the Internet.

I say go for it!

My son, a lodger, my niece, and a close friend have all hit the relationship jackpot online.

My lodger joined a Christian site and very quickly met a lovely lass and they’ve just celebrated their fifth wedding anniversary. My friend, a similar age to you ShropshireMiss, had a few non-starters and then met a lovely widower three years ago - they’re getting married this September. My niece is getting married to her ‘date’ the following September (she’s actually hijacked the date of my 70th birthday, so I’ve told her we’re sharing the day). ?

My son has met more than a few non-starters, but seems finally to have found someone special. She’s a great hit with all the family, she and my son have lots in common and they seem to have the necessary ‘spark’ - so now we’re all holding our breath as we wait to see how their relationship progresses.

I’ve done online dating for years, last one lasted 4yrs but he was cheating on me met him on Facebook lol in a chat group. Why don’t you start in one of them something that you like doing hobbies etc mine was motorbikes. Always screenshot their photo and then google revise photo to find out if fake ppl. Watch show on bbc 1 on a morning I’ve being on few sites but most are just looking for a one night stand also a lot of married men with the line my wife doesn’t understand me.? you learn to suss out them pretty quickly. Even though I say no one night or married men they will still try lol good luck it’s mine field

Thanks for all the comments, this has given me food for thought.

I know lots of couples who met online. Can I suggest that instead of just joining any site you do some research to narrow down the on line group you use. Maybe choose one that caters to people with similar interests. Eg. A religious group if that is important. Even Classic FM have their own group. Providing you are careful and ultra wary , I would say go for it. And good luck. Even if you don't meet " the one" you may make some good friends and have a good time along the way

Go for it. But be wary. Not everyone is as they seem. That said I met some lovely men on line who became great friends. Better still I met my husband (married for 11 years next August). Just use your common sense. If he's too good to be true then he probably is. If he asks you for money tell him to get lost. If he offers to send you photos of his bits....well that's up to you lol. Internet dating is just like the real world. You'll be contacted by some princes but also by some frogs. Be sensible and you'll have a great time.

when I first read this thread, I thought , oh no! but then I have no desire to be with another man, other than a really friend like thing..
then I suddenly realised that is how I met my dh of over 50 years ago! but then , of course, times were very different, very different to now... I met several men, as my first husband had left me, I had one small child, and it was love at first sight for me,! 50 lovely years! then he went and died on me just before our 50th wedding anniversary! (he appreciated my sense of humour)

Forgot to add. If you decide to meet someone then do it in a very public place just as you would in the real world. If you feel uncomfortable then act on your instincts.

I couldn't be bothered with all the frogs, myself, but by all means give it a go! I know someone who goes on dates every week (she's in her 50s) but none of them ever seem to be suitable. (Most just want to give her dinner and take her to bed. Lots of them ask if she's a good cook.) I am afraid I am too wary of a decline in their physical/mental health to think about taking on another man permanently, but dating could be OK if you find someone with similar interests.

My son met the love of his life on line. They've been married ten years now and have two children. My daughter has now dipped her toe in the water after divorce. She's met a man local to her, the same age. So far it's all going very well. Good luck!

I have been doing this for at least 10 years on and off! I'm now over 60. The best I can say about the men is that they were all harmless. Men usually do prefer younger women, not so much because they want more children, but they would like an attractive 'trophy' girlfriend. I find Saga Dating quite good. Costs about £30 per month which is average.
Don't bother with men who haven't included a photo, they are not serious or they have something to hide.
I'm a Christian so I tried a Christian site a few years ago, the man I met was probably the worst person I have dated as he was bigoted, homophobic (his daughter was gay) when I said politely I had to leave he groped my breast it was like being back in the 1970s.
I know it works for some, and can be fun. Good luck!