Thinking of trying online dating site…good idea?

I tried various sites with limited success but then gave up. I joined another site (naturist friendship website a - I had become a naturist), made friends and one of them, after a long distance penpal friendshp, became my husband.

So... Good luck for you and hope things work out.?

PS, sorry, but I could write a book on this subject. Be careful of widowers who want a nostalgia trip, they just want to go to all the places they went with the late wife. I feel sorry for men who have been left alone but they do seem to expect a new woman to be a clone of the late wife, you have to assert your own personality as soon as you meet.
I have done a few of these nostalgia walks and even had to sit on park benches dedicated to late wives!

Very dodgy. Kim Marsh has a programm in BBC1 mornings at the moment with awful experiences of ladies using dating sites. I understand why you'd want to but behind many of those lively pikkys is a murky world of Nigeria , Ghanaian and east European scams, they are ruthless. So don't, just don't despite the inviting blurb it's just too risky.

I would say yes to all the fears you have listed. On line dating is dating unknown people. Take your time to get to know who they are and make sure you are not being unrealistic in your expectations. Most people in your age bracket have young families, ex or dead partners, financial commitments, health issues. Are you happy to take these challenges on. Are you bringing any of these struggles with you in your search for a partner?

ShropshireMiss

Definitely think about doing this, Some excellent advice in previous notes.
You mention in your original post about some older men basically seeking a partner to care for them for their older age.
Believe me, some will want you to start immediately !!!

However I believe there are many good experiences, friendships and relationships out there for all of us

I know friends who have found lovely partners on dating sites. But yes, there are warnings above to be very careful.
It's not for me, I'm past my sell by date, but it's great for some so good luck. ?

Go with your gut feeling, give it a try if that’s what you want to do! But me I wouldn’t do it, my friend met someone on pof married him and all hunky dory for few months then he just upped and left when she really needed him! ( illness) he decided that his AC should live there with them, they did nothing but cause problems!

My own experience of online dating wasn't that positive and found that I seemed to only attract the type of man that if I met them in the street, I would have given them a wide berth!
One guy I did keep in contact with and actually had a few dates with , blew very hot and cold - there seems to be a general thing with some men that if you are on a dating site, you must be desperate! With this guy, after the 3rd date, he tried to insist that as he had seen me more than once, he had the right to have sex but only at my place. Difficult, as a single parent, I was living with my parents!
I found out several weeks later, after he had a dated a friend, that he was actually married and his wife was pregnant! He told my friend that using dating websites worked out cheaper than seeing a prostitute!!!
I was just unlucky - another friend has just got married, after meeting her husband on a dating site.
I'd just say to go in with an open mind, you may not meet anyone that looks like the ads on tv, and be careful if you meet them - have someone either in the vicinity or easily contactable and whatever story they tell, don't give them any money for any reason !

Why not? I met my husband through a dating site but you have to careful.
From my experience:
Be very careful if they are not UK based, say that they are offshore or are not available to meet up.
Stay with messaging on the dating site, it has algorythms to help isolate scammers. They may ask you to go to another messaging service but DON'T. A genuine prospect will respect your decision.
If they want to speak to you, ask for a landline number then Google their phone number to see if anyone has been scammed by them. Try who-called.co.uk
Google any details that they give eg employer's company name, personal email address if they give it, their name for any other details.
If they look particularly fanciable, you can reverse search on the photo to see if they have harvested it from someone else's Facebook etc account.
If they ask you for money, however small, they are scamming you, report them to the dating website and the police. Or say that you can't afford it but need them to send you a substantial amount of money.

I was the victim of a dating scam but sussed it early and never paid anything.
BUT I did meet my husband, who is lovely, on a dating site.
Good luck and I hope you get to meet lots of potential friends.

I met my husband 12 years ago through an online dating website. I was wary about this method of meeting people but I actually met 2 other people who were also decent guys before getting together with my husband. It was a very good move for me. I was 47 at the time

I've been with my partner for 24 years and we met online.
Back then it was more chat rooms rather than dating sites but they were basically the same .
We started chatting and didn't meet up for 3 months .
I think these days it will be much harder to meet someone as its much more about ' throw away relationships '

Thanks for all the comments, this is giving me a lot to think about. Married men pretending to be single is something else I’ve been warned about.

You go for it, but just be careful as there are so many sites nowadays to go on, it's a minefield. A lady I know was scammed by a guy who promised her the world. She sold her house to send him money, her business has fallen apart and her family have been through the wringer with her all because of this manipulating scumbag.
Take care, meet in a public place and make sure there's someone at the end of the phone if you want to do a runner...

I definitely wouldn’t reply to anyone living, working, visiting or travelling abroad.

Twelve and a half years ago my Sister-in-Law put me up to going on an online dating site having come out of a relationship. After five months we moved in together and after a year we married. I am blessed to have a kind, funny, caring, loving husband who is also my best friend and soul mate. Obviously, you do have to be cautious, but as my 11 years of happy marriage prove, it can work. Good luck

I have used OLD very successfully on two occasions. It was a sharp learning curve.
Your profile is the key, keep refining it to exclude attracting the wrong type of person for you.
Personally I wasn't interested in meeting men before I got to know them so it was more like having a pen pal at first.
First time I ended up in a long term relationship with a Kiwi. We both flew regularly to be with each other, eventually got engaged and after my mother died I went out to see if I could settle in NZ. Lived there for two and a half wonderful years until he told me he was very happy with our relationship but had decided he didn't want to get married.
Fortunately my home had only been rented out so I returned.
Second time around I met my now OH, we have been together over 10 years. I cannot imagine what my life would now be like without him.
Curiously I am the one now who doesn't want to be married. It was pointed out to me that had I married my Kiwi and we broke up he would have been entitled to half our joint assets. Both my other half and I are content to be living in sin. His assets go to his family, mine to my family.
If anything happened to him I would try OLD again. It is a safe way to meet men as long as you keep your head screwed on.
I hope you have great success OP, and if you need advice on your profile you can PM me anytime.

Where do I start!
After my divorce and a couple of short relationships that went nowhere I was on my own. My friend told me about a dating site called 'Plent of Fish' (I wouldn't actually recommend it but it wa a free site).
I told her I am not going on any flaming dating site but she assured me she had been reading all the profiles of American guys and they were funny.
So one Sunday afternoon I was bored and decided to take a look. I put in a 70 mile radius of where I lived. It was like window shopping. Thinking oh he looks nice etc. There was a button to save to favourites and when I hit it , it said I had to have a profile myself.
So without a picture I wrote

Only doing this to save someone to favourites
Medical professional
Divorced two adult children
Curvy , does that mean fat?
Can't help being cynical about a site like this.
Are all the women sad, desperate?
Are all the men predators?
Be nice to meet someone genuine.

I got loads of men asking who I had saved and got into one or two conversations but nothing that appealed to me.
I didn't bother with it for about a month when out of the blue I got a message from someone who was angry at what I had written. That there were women predators out there too!
We wrote loads to each other and found we had a lot in common. Eventually we exchanged telephone numbers. He rang me that night and we were on the phone for 3 hours!
He told me he had to meet me which we did the following week.
we hit it off straight away. I told him to be honest I would have walked past him in a pub because he wasn't my usual type. Obviously I had been looking at the wrong type! After five years we both sold our properties and bought a house together. We will have been together 15 years in October and we are getting married this month. (We had planned it for 2019 but Covid put paid to that).
He gets on great with my family. Sadly he is estranged from his own kids but have met other family relatives and we get on well.
Incidentally he had also joined another dating and friendship group called 'Midsummer's Eve where singles go out as a group. They go for meals together, bowling that sort of thing. It is an opportunity to meet up with other singles and even shopping trips if you want.
I met him when I was 52 so don't give up hope!

@ ShropshireMiss some of these ‘prospective partners’ are ver clever and it’s organised crime? Yes it’s about sending money abroad - so would you send money to someone who lived in the UK!!! You seriously need to get a bit more street wise as you appear very naive? Prospective partners could be abroad but have set up account here!

I've checked out a few dating sites but I am always reluctant to pay the fees in case the info they send you is false and the people don't really exist. Been bitten in the past so I am cautious. I have indicated that I am looking for a younger friend because they are usually more interesting and enjoy going out and doing stuff. They are not frightened to laugh either and usually have a good sense of humour. Most important is that I am looking for a true friend who I can talk to.

I’m extremely tight fisted with money, and my hobby is amateur investing, so I certainly wouldn’t be sending any to men in UK either.

I’ve had various experiences with online dating, in the past and current! I met my ex husband through online dating.
There are men who just want to meet just for sex, there are men who want you to take deliveries for them, there are married men, but there are genuine men out there.
I’m currently on Tinder (again) and I am very wary. I swipe left If there are only photos and nothing about them, if there aren’t any face pics and if they seem too good to be true (photos of fancy cars, boats etc).If you haven’t already, watch Tinder Swindler on Netflix, a very good watch.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Xx

Thanks for al these comments, they are giving me lots of different perspectives and making me think about things I hadn’t considered. I’ll give TindlerSwindler a watch on NetFlix.

I did some ‘lonely hearts’ dating before online came about and didn’t have any success they were either absolutely not for me total asses bor weird as
I do know one person who met on line and it was successful but I ve heard a lot of negative stories
I think meeting in person gives you a much better feel (not literally) for the person
I would have thought you d be better off asking on Mumsnet than us

Just tread carefully and take your time getting to know them.
There are so many success stories out there.

I joined one in 2015 and after a couple of weirdos, one of whom I'm convinced was married, I met my gorgeous partner. We have been together for 7 years this August. Be very wary of anyone who wants to move contact from the dating website onto email, phone etc and never ever send anyone any cash. I second the advice to watch For Love Or Money on BBC. It is very good.