People who give you chapter and verse about people you don't know ow

Sparklefizz " It's the same as people who tell you about a dream they had, in every bl***y detail."

My daughter gives her children exactly 2 mins listening time to their dreams. No time for too much detail.

My mother enjoyed company but could not tolerate stories about ailments. Out and about, if she stopped or sat down for a chat, as soon as someone mentioned their operation or suchlike, she was off!
It’s not only boring to hear long stories about peoples physical ailments, it’s verging on bad manners and certainly non u.
By the way, I’m recovering from a nasty virus?

It can get a bit lonely when you're not a chatterer but on the other hand i've noticed over the years that a lot of people are fake or boring. My 'switch' goes off very easily these days, I can't tolerate bullsh*t, fakery, pretence, nosyness - I would rather chat to a stranger for 10 minutes than have a conversation with most other people I know. Both our neighbours are two-faced, we've heard them talking about us negatively, having a right old bitch about us - so they get to know nothing anymore - not that we lead interesting lives or anything, or have lots of cash - they just talk about what we've got even down to what they've seen being delivered to us - fascinating not!
My sister talks about everyone she comes across, plus her grown up kids & their inlaws & her ex husband & all his family - does my absolute nut in. I've stopped telling her anything I don't want the world to know cos she seems to go from one person to the next & passes everything on, if that's conversation & being sociable then I'm the complete opposite. I'd rather be 'doing' than 'saying'.

I may be that person.... I know that I was oversharing after the most stressful 2 years of my life with both my AC's very seriously ill. We had to bring DS up to our home, hundreds of miles from his teenage son as no proper support to treatment was available where he lived and DD, who works for NHS, had to go private to get the correct diagnosis and treatment for a debilitating condition she'd had for 8 years... (See, I'm doing it again, this time with people I don't even know). Coupled with not seeing friends for ages because of lockdowns I realised I had lost my personal censor when I did see them and burdened them with every jot and tittle. I have started writing about my experiences instead which is helping...

I do agree that sometimes these people are lonely or leading very confined lives and I do try and cut these people some slack.

But with others it's just about being self-absorbed and lacking awareness to the point of being hurtful at times (eg banging on about some situation at work when your friend has just been bereaved)and I find that rude and annoying.

seadragon

I may be that person.... I know that I was oversharing after the most stressful 2 years of my life with both my AC's very seriously ill. We had to bring DS up to our home, hundreds of miles from his teenage son as no proper support to treatment was available where he lived and DD, who works for NHS, had to go private to get the correct diagnosis and treatment for a debilitating condition she'd had for 8 years... (See, I'm doing it again, this time with people I don't even know). Coupled with not seeing friends for ages because of lockdowns I realised I had lost my personal censor when I did see them and burdened them with every jot and tittle. I have started writing about my experiences instead which is helping...

I don't think that's the same. You were talking about your son and daughter and serious issues for you as a family. Any friend would be happy to lend an ear under those circumstances.

How about the person who tells you every little detail of what they ate at a meal out -used to see someone like that -they are very overweight .

Reminds me of….
youtu.be/ffdkEhIJccc

Yes definitely arrange a catch up without her. What a bore!!!

Reading some of the comments here, I hope none of the bores are aware of what their friends think about them.
I feel quite sorry for them.

My (long deceased) mother could “talk you unconscious”, bless her.

I have a friend who dies this too. I don't mind when she talks about one of her neighbours. Though I have not met them I have heard so much over the years I feel like I do. But when she goes on and on about someone she met that morning at the pool - she had surgery, her daughter is at College studying...etc. my eyes do glaze over.

Does this of course.

Marydoll

Reading some of the comments here, I hope none of the bores are aware of what their friends think about them.
I feel quite sorry for them.

I think some of them should be a bit more aware of the fact that they're annoying their friends by hogging the conversation to talk about people no one knows.

Vintagejazz, I stand by my comment. The bores may be totally unaware that they are doing it and would probably be very upset, if they discovered what their friends actually thought of them.

But they should be more aware. If people keep trying to change the subject and they just determinedly bring it back to what they want to talk about, that is lacking awareness.

I agree Vintagejazz conversation should be a two way street not a monologue.

Vintagejazz

But they should be more aware. If people keep trying to change the subject and they just determinedly bring it back to what they want to talk about, that is lacking awareness.

..and they may actually have a reason for being unaware. As one poster said, she has ADHD. Perhaps the friends shoul be more aware and understanding and ask themselves why, the person is like that.
No-one is perfect and we all have different personalities and traits.

I did say upthread that I am aware there are sometimes reasons.

But sometimes it's just lack of awareness. And most of us bite our tongue, and politely put up with it. But do you not think my bereaved friend was upset that the first time she met us afterwards she couldn't get 2 minutes to talk about it, but instead had to pretend to be interested in a long ramble about the wedding of someone she'd never met?

Some people do need to be more aware of how a conversation actually works, instead of thinking it's an opportunity to hold the floor to a captive audience.

I agree wholeheartedly with
Vintagejazz .
I still socialise with my friend and support her .
But at the hospital on Friday - I would have appreciated some words of comfort as my father was ill instead of tales of her sick dog .
Exhausted and tearful in a cafe overcthe weekend - I smiled and nodded politely through another monologue about her
distant relatives .

I think that she is very lonely and doesn't have any other friends .

No unkindness is meant on my part .

I feel for you Esmay, whilst loneliness in your friend might be the case for what can amount to rudeness, many self absorbed people chatter on endlessly about themselves and others without letting you have a say because they are basically selfish and self important. No one else exists in their world but themselves.
You end up feeling alone in their company.

Hi Holly ,

Thank you .
I think that my poor friend actually has had and is continuing to have a rotten life :

Unwanted by her parents (who both sounded mentally sick ) brought up by a strange aunt ,learning difficulties at school,osteoporosis, proper use of only one arm ,selfish husband and children and demanding /exhausting relatives - it would be easy to walk away .

I can't .

I sipped my tea ,ate my sandwich and listened .

My head was buzzing from lack of sleep and I was sick with worry over my father and his declining health .

She's gone on holiday and actually finds it too much .

I realise that people ask me about my father that they don't want a boring monologue from me !

That does sound very sad, and her lack of interest in your problems would make it seem as if she hasn't developed any empathy.

Must have been extremely stressful for you though.

Hi Vintagejazz -

I think that I was just too tired to leave or protest .

I must say I was shocked by her complete indifference .

She'd forgotten that she'd told me all about her first relationship ,which ended up with her and her baby in a women's shelter after being abused by her partner and abandoned by her family .

I'd spent the day from 6.00 a.m until gone 11.00 p.m getting my father assessed and admitted to hospital the day before .
It was harrowing .
My father's new GP was insulting and I've made a complaint about her only to find that her reputation is appalling and she giving the previously marvellous surgery a bad name.
One of the transport workers (not a paramedic ) screamed at us .
My father was hyperventilating because he was terrified of her .
When I asked her to tone it down she said ,this is the way I behave at home !
Her colleague apologised as she walked off in a huff !

I fell asleep in A and E and one of friends phoned and insisted on taking me home .

I don't think that my friend absorbed any of it .
I'll continue to see her for a monthly coffee and sandwich .

Her life has been so full of trauma that she can't stop talking about it .
She doesn't have any friends .
One of mine says that she's odd and another that she's boring .
If I introduced her to another she'll say it's yet another one of your lame ducks !

I guess that we all really sympathesise with people whose lives have been so appalling .
I can only take it in mini doses .
You can't help ,but think that she never really had a chance in life right from the beginning .

My MiL did this. We didn't visit often as she lived a long way away. She'd always have a pile of local newspaper cuttings about people my husband grew up with, all very minor achievements and completely irrelevant to us, even my DH didn't remember them. He'd achieved a lot: good A levels, a degree, professional qualifications and a good job - but no mention in the local paper! We always had a good laugh about it afterwards, but I'm sad that she never recognised or congratulated him on his achievements.