The School Prom - For or Against?

Maybe I'm cynical but I can't help feeling that, like the school ski trip and who gets to go on it, the elaborate prom is a way for the pushier, wealthier parents to make sure that the poorer kids know their place.

To be honest I can't remember what we did instead. Post O-level, in 1970, anyway. Most of my friendship group knew we were going on to the sixth form and had already started some of that before the end of the school year, so we didn't do anything much I think. After A-levels I think we arranged our own party outside school.

The children I used to teach (1976-80) had a disco leaving party in the school.

A leaving party in the school hall should be perfectly adequate.

My DGD’s school has asked the students to organise themselves into tables of 10. My DGD has a lovely friendship group, so they are fine, but the less popular are asking around to find a table to join. How humiliating, bad for self-esteem etc. I’m sad for them and generally appalled

When my girls were at school there were parents who could afford more expensive stuff than me and also those that could afford less than me. Why do people assume that if you can afford more and you will be lording it over those that can’t. If what the girls wanted was too expensive than they couldn’t have it. Simples! No one is forcing attendance to proms. If you don’t like it don’t go. Personally I think I might have liked to really dress up for one evening.

One of my daughters lives in the USA and her elder son and daughter have both been to their proms. (Her younger son flatly refused to go and her younger daughter is only 10.) They both enjoyed themselves but it was quite expensive. I was talking to my daughter about it on Zoom and I said that it must be a problem for families who didn't have much money. One of my daughter's American friends was there and she said that it was customary for girls to donate their gowns, so that the following year poor girls could come to a session at the school and borrow them for nothing.

She obviously thought that this was wonderful and I thought it would be rude to disagree, but I was thinking how humiliating it must be to have to go and get some other kid's cast-off because your family was too poor to buy one. I suppose it isn't much different to buying a wedding dress from a charity shop, as both types of dress have only been worn once and it makes sense to recycle them.... but the American lady clearly thought that it was a treat for them but I couldn't help thinking how awful I would feel if I was one of those girls.

On the other hand, I am the sort of person who would have cringed at the idea of a school prom anyway. Thank God they didn't have them here when I was young.

I am a (new) school governor. Was shocked when I saw the "invite" £25 for the ticket to attend. So many families on estate where I live can't afford food let alone this price. I will be raising a next meeting!

LovelyLady

Lots can’t afford the elaborate occasion. Why not have a school dance. Tasteful and not too costly.
Girls school inviting a boys school, black tie great fun. Play down the tacky stuff. Definitely no limousines etc- prob solved.
Teach them to do a basic waltz and this will last them a lifetime.

These days a school doesn't let kids from another school into its buildings. Insurance! Security?

Nannan2 Schools should at least treat the 'kids' to the ticket cost if they worked hard all the secondaryyears
Not sure what teachers, who pay out of their own pocket for stationery, books, courses etc in order to support their pupils, would say to the school 'treating' pupils to a £40 meal and disco! Is this all pupils or just a few (and if it's just a few, how could they be chosen fairly?)

My daughter left school in 2002, and had a Prom, we weren't well off, as I was a mature student and her Dad unemployed after us all moving to care for his parents. We had to find and buy a dress (my daughter had extreme weight issues due to Autism) and this was hard, we had to 'share' the cost of a limo (I say share, as many didn't pay afterwards so all others had to pay double).

My daughter hated the night as she felt ugly, (her words), I thought she looked beautiful and people at the event got stupid, and she was bullied on the night. She said a few years ago she wished she hadn't attended, and tbh so do I.

Quote: "Happysexagenarian did the school cave and have a prom again? I'd guess they did."

FarNorth: I don't know, I resigned the following year.
They probably did and no doubt had problems again. The school was in a rough London borough and had always had a poor reputation, even though the staff and most of the kids were great. English was a second language for 40% of the students, most families on benefits, many were refugees, parents could barely feed them let alone provide money for Prom events, laptops, school trips etc. They just wanted their kids to leave school and earn some money. The headteacher, who had only been there a year at the time of the first Prom, had come from a very different teaching environment: a fee paying school in a nice area, wealthy helpful parents etc. He had no idea how to deal with disinterested kids and parents, gang fights between schools, no funding or financial help from parents, and a neighbourhood who had never wanted a school there.

Nevertheless, the school is still there and a lot better now so I'm told. There have been two more headteachers since I left and the school has doubled in size and is now more popular in the area.

Treetops05

My daughter left school in 2002, and had a Prom, we weren't well off, as I was a mature student and her Dad unemployed after us all moving to care for his parents. We had to find and buy a dress (my daughter had extreme weight issues due to Autism) and this was hard, we had to 'share' the cost of a limo (I say share, as many didn't pay afterwards so all others had to pay double).

My daughter hated the night as she felt ugly, (her words), I thought she looked beautiful and people at the event got stupid, and she was bullied on the night. She said a few years ago she wished she hadn't attended, and tbh so do I.

I'm so sorry to hear that.
We hate our children to be sad, don't we?
She was brave to go though, wasn't she and you should all be proud of that?

I left school with absolutely no event at all. Just got on the school bus and went home after my last exam. Think I’m a bit jealous of the events marking what is a major part of your young life. Not necessarily a prom though!

It's yet another expensive import from America which strains the purse strings. All 'image' and 'show' which you're either happy with or not. My niece seems to enjoy that sort of thing but then she's young and pretty and has a boyfriend, who I assume will be her escort for the evening.

It's nice to mark one's last days at school -we made do with a small disco, but then our expectations were much lower.

I would have loved to have something to celebrate my last school days but we had absolutely nothing. Total fizzer. At least the kids get something these days. They were a miserable lot in my day.