I know,I said I need to be nicer...

How about just not answering and if she catches you later and says we’re you in you could say I don’t answer the door when I’m tired, I was having a nap. Or perhaps a sign in the window saying Do not disturb. A very difficult situation.

It is.
Doing that would mean being stuck in my flat with the door shut, and hiding away.

20 years I've had this; well, "only" about 17 I suppose, because she was very much her own person when she first moved in.

Oh wow, that's a lot...

I don't know what to advise other than, telling her straight, too may visits are exhausting you.

This doesn't seem healthy behaviour on her part and I'm not sure she will listen

Perhaps develop a food allergy so that none of the food she brings is edible, borrow a large dog from someone - or what about one of those recordings of a barking dog that will play when she rings the bell? Or a baseball bat?

No wonder she's driving you mad, it would be my worst nightmare.

It would drive me mad, too. But I don’t know what the solution is.

This morning I was brushing my teeth.
She came right down the hall, shouting my name, while I was shouting back "ughblaeeeeth!"

If I sit indoors, she shouts "I'm just going to sit out here!"
Yep, ok.
"I saw that bloke today and he said he hasn't seen so-and- so..."
Oh.
"Hang on, I'll just come in and tell you"
Sigh.

Has she got worse recently?

"Have you eaten"?
Yes.
"What have you had then"?
I'm eating now!
"Hang on, I'll just come in for a minute"
Sigh.

I agree with VioletSky. I think you need to tell her straight.
Ask her not to come more than once a day, or whatever you want.
If she keeps it up, explain that you'll help her by putting up a 'Do not disturb ' sign at times you are resting.

Maybee
She is slowly getting worse, I think.
There is no doubt she has some decline, but she is very, very able and mobile.
She can't remember names and things like that, which adds an extra layer of stress to me.
"Are you in?"
Yes.
"Where are you then?"
Trying to get something done like fold washing.
"Well I saw that woman today and she asked after you".
What woman was that?
"The blonde one".
Did you get her name?
"No, oh hang on, I'll just come in and tell you".

Now I feel really mean.
I just don't feel well enough to be patient with all this.
She puts her fags out in my pot plants, as well.
Then throws them on the grass outside my flat.

Sorry, the floodgate has opened now and I can't stop!!!

When you see her coming, put your coat on and say “oh I was just on my way out” ?

You are absolutely not being mean.

But, she also fills my watering can, offers me a roast dinner every Sunday.
Tidied up all of my pots and plants when I couldn't manage it.
Offers to collect prescriptions for me.
So she is certainly not all bad.

Now I'm a bit forgetful we sound like the two Ronnie's sitting outside my flat
She has had a stroke, and it has left her just dippy, which she was before it happened, frankly.

It sounds to me as if she might be in the early stages of dementia. I know one of my neighbours kept phoning me when he had dementia.

And... here she is, sitting outside my flat, shouting through the door, right on cue!

She came down after taking two strong sleeping pills last night, and told me she was going to rub cheese into her back.
She meant cream.

Perhaps she doesn't even realise she is calling on you so often.
She sounds like the elderly parent who constantly phones their adult child.

She has had a couple of memory tests in the past Maybee, and they said it was stress and anxiety making her forgetful.
She is waiting for another appt, though for a memory test.

It's almost like a compulsion she has to talk at me, and get out what she needs to say.
She isn't lonely, either, she has a big family and friends, and goes out and about every day.

The next time she appears could you have your phone pressed to your ear whilst you’re involved in a series of very important and lengthy conversations ?

Could you tell her that "the doctor" has said that you are suffering from some obscure ailment (make up some long words) and you MUST have a long nap every afternoon.

Each afternoon, fix a notice on your door that says you are having your nap now, until XX o'clock and please not to disturb you, as you will not answer the door. Then lock the door and go to the furthest away room with a pot of tea and a book, or log into gransnet and chat away there. If the doorbell rings, ignore it until the time you stated.

She will probably turn up then with a treat to cheer you up, and yak on, but at least you will have had a break from it!

She sits and waits until I'm off the phone, or sits outside and keeps shouting through the door!
"Oops, sorry, are you still on the phone"?
Yes.
"Still?? Who's that then? Oops, sorry, I'll just get a chair and sit outside"

That sounds like a good plan, elegran.

Good grief MissA, no wonder you're at the end of your tether.

Would it be possible to mention this to one of her family? It's far from normal behaviour and really does sound like dementia.

There's no need for you to feel mean. You need to get this off your chest and she doesn't know, so no harm done .