I know,I said I need to be nicer...

She is going to make me an icecream now...
I'll have to go out.
Sigh.
Hopefully only one more visit after this one, by which time I'm exhausted and havent got anything done.

Oh, it would drive me potty, MissA!

You could try what Elegran suggests.
However, I agree with others, it sounds as if she is developing dementia and does her family realise what she's like?

OMG a visit once a month would be too often. I am afraid I would end up telling her straight and upsetting her.

Smileless2012

Good grief MissA, no wonder you're at the end of your tether.

Would it be possible to mention this to one of her family? It's far from normal behaviour and really does sound like dementia.

There's no need for you to feel mean. You need to get this off your chest and she doesn't know, so no harm done .

Her family are the cause of all her stress.
This one blocked that one on facebook... blah blah blah.

I did mention it to the most sensible of her family.
They said she runs everybody down except me

Now I feel awful.

Oh dear.

A friendly, helpful neighbour is a blessing but she is taking over your life.

Gotta go now.
I posted this last year as I remember.
She was shouting through my door then, too.

I think it's some form of OCD, seriously.
She was a cleaner, and earned very well, running her own little business, driving a sports car.
I suppose it's some way of comforting herself, keeping control of her life as it is now since the stroke.

Oh, plus, I used to "steer" her in the right direction with things.
Read them and explain them and boss her about advise her.

Our elderly neighbours driving us mad the lady couldn’t walk we were called at midnight. Hours waiting for paramedics turned into 3 days they both in 80s he turned down help of carers yet rings my husband up and if phone not on like we’re having a rest he says no good calling u as you don’t answer phone !! We put out his bins and rubbish I found them gardener and hairdresser mobile. After 3 days paramedics turned up I had a word with them about everything he said I’m going to have stern words and his wife going into hospital and won’t come out until care in place. I think he has dementia it’s driving us mad

Just been told off.
Gotta go.

I feel your pain MissA. I'd learnt to leap out of my chair and run into the back of the house whenever my next door neighbour hammered on my door whilst screeching "Chewbacca! Chewbacca! But, with the hot weather, I've had my windows open, so she just sticks her head in and says "Ooh, Hello!", like she's surprised to find me there. Let me know when you've found a solution.

So I’m now turning both phones off family 2 hours away still not come to see his mum in hospital. It’s awful
And it’s getting like I don’t want to go out in garden as he will open windows and call me over we are in a maisonette
I feel like selling up so other day I said I arranged help and u turned it down well u can’t keep waking us up at night. Long story but paramedics said they are at risk
So I’m sort it out now a relief to us so be firm with her or you won’t get any peace like us

ARGH ! Would drive me mad aswell ... as you live in a flat are they just ordinary flats or warden controlled , if they are warden controlled could mention it to them in case she is ill, if not could be a bit more tricky . Could you just tell her you need some quiet/chill time, a day or couple of days, suggest the days then say you don't want to be disturbed , or say as you need quiet/ chill out time tell her when she can visit ... you do need your own time, not good for you to be on edge all the time ... regarding the food etc just say nicely you don't need anything, silly as it seems doing this seems like seems buying your friendship or is just an overly generous person ... you need to sort something out ASAP as it seems it is making you ill ... if some comes down let her shout to you ignof her ... if you have your glad door open ... buy a baby gate so she can't come in , hopefully won't open it ... saying you decided to but it to save anyone coming in if you don't hear / see them ... regarding her smoking tell her not to smoke in your flat & start coughing ... like the idea if you having the phone to your ear somethings you have to be cruel to be kind ... wishing you all the best ... let us know how you get on please

Sorry about mistakes... was going through it & must have pressed post by accident ... hope you understand what I have written ... your health is more important ... hopefully you will get something sorted out ... even if you have to keep your door shut for a day or so & ignor her

“20 years I've had this; well, "only" about 17 I suppose, because she was very much her own person when she first moved in. “

Seriously, Miss A, no one would put up with that, would they?

She sounds as if she has mental health problems. Your life is being ruined by her intrusiveness. It’s time to say, it’s not convenient please go away. Ask a friend round for coffee and either ignore the knocking or call back ‘sorry I am busy I have a Visitor’. You are just being too nice and it is ruining your life. Please put yourself first.

Oh gosh it sounds exhausting.
I haven’t got any advice I’m afraid, many years ago I had a similar neighbor, she had a heart of gold, but drove me completely round the bend.
One morning we woke up to deep, deep snow, I remarked that at least B wouldn’t be able to come around, when she appeared trudging down the garden in her husbands wellies, waving a pint of milk she had brought us.
I think sometimes I was a bit rude to her, but she never caught on, and to be fair, she would do anything for me, and on at least one occasion I don’t know what I would have done without her.
But, I know it’s wearing, I hid and didn’t answer the door at times, but she always caught up with me in the end.

I’ve been trying to think what you can do long term. Any short term suggestion like I’m on the phone/ Just going out/ Having my lunch/ about to have a shower etc are not going to work as she will just wait for you or hang around. You need a more long term solution as it sounds as if she does have some mental health/ dementia problems and is probably not aware that she is calling on you constantly. As someone else said, it’s like when my mum used to phone me thirty or forty times a day to ask me the same question as she has no idea she had already been given the answer! At least mum lived a way off so I could ignore the phone calls!

All I can think of is to tell her that you have a new condition and your doctor is insisting that you have a rest for part of every day. Then put up a note on your door saying you are resting until x o’clock and lock your door so she cannot pop in. She might get used to the sign after a while and give you some peace for a few hours. Is she has some OCD like you suggested, the routine of seeing the note every morning and/or afternoon might sink in eventually!

I’m not sure that being nasty to her is going to help, I don’t think it is in your nature to be nasty anyway and she does help you sometimes when you are not well enough to do certain things.

I’ll keep on thinking! I would hate to be in this situation, I value my privacy but luckily I’m very good at ignoring phone calls if I’m not in the mood to chat, much easier to do that that turn someone away on the door step.

Gloves off methinks MissA but even if you tell her where to get off in no uncertain terms, it sounds as if it’ll be water off a ducks back? I really feel for you. When a divorcing friend moved near me, she was never away or off the phone to me. Day in, day out and it drove me potty and after 5 years of it, we moved away.

She isn’t pestering you out of kindness and thoughtfulness, MissAdventure. It is to satisfy a need within herself. Sooner or later, you will have to tell her straight to limit contact with you to once a week or you will cut contact totally.

I’m another in favour of Elegran’s suggestion. Of course, the GP’ll be in touch with you first thing tomorrow morning to strongly advise that long afternoon nap.
?
Could you redirect her altruistic tendencies into doing some voluntary work or walking someone’s dog on a regular basis?
Good luck.

HI, this sounds like an awful situation all round, for both you and your neighbour. I'm always wary of making up stories because they are usually "found out" which can result in embarrassment and avoidable hurt feelings. I feel though that if you can break the worst of her habits the position may become tolerable again. I also don't like the idea of you being trapped inside every afternoon having an " enforced nap" - you should be free to come and go as you please.

I'm wondering if there are any other neighbours that you might direct her towards? Or encourage her to join a local daily group, lunch club, etc? She is clearly lonely and not as self sufficient as you are.

If the situation is upsetting you then of course you need to take whatever steps are required to try to get some peace.

Do you think having a quiet word with one of the nurses at your local GP surgery might be helpful? I'm not sure if you and your neighbour will go to the same surgery but it might be an idea to pass on your concerns " off the record" and ask if they could pay her a visit to see whether she needs additional support.

I think if it were me, I'd try to lock my door every day and not respond every time she calls out, which might cause her to approach other neighbours for company, leaving you alone for a bit. If she asks you could say you didn't hear her or were on the phone. That way you could still go out and about if you felt like it but stay in if you wanted to.

its not easy is it?

That is near the mark, actually.
She invites all and sundry for one of her roast dinners.

I think she genuinely needs to nurture someone (anyone) for her own sense of wellbeing.

Never mind that they may not want that, they are going to be nurtured within an inch of their lives!
She meets people and jumps straight in with what a lovely person they are, and how she feels sorry for them.

I think I have just realised why, too, but its not for me to post.
I've complained enough, so I must take some responsibility for allowing it.

I think a stairgate and a nap are on the cards.

I've been having trouble with an over friendly fox, so its feasible to put a gate up.

And a couple of hours break... bliss!
Thank you all.

night night, hope tomorrow is a bit easier to manage.