Husband jealous burst a balloon of help and care

welbeck

OP have you considered that you may be afflicted by a saviour/rescuer complex.
the extreme reaction to your husband, shouting etc, sounds as if you are very/over invested in seeing yourself as essential to this man's emotional well-being.
does he in fact really need this from you.
or do you need to see yourself in this role.

Good gracious me, no extreme reaction whatsoever, the way I have explained the situation in written form cant express inner feelings, sorry.

I seem to have cone across as a raving banshee. I only raised my voice when the conversation was heading in the wrong direction and totally exaggerated and concocted ( in DH mind)

At the end of the day, a simple message now and again consisting of the question how are you? I think is totally innocent and places in a box labelled care, after all, he has lost the love of his life, she was a life force of utter love, care,happiness and joy, how could 1 human being turn their backs on another human being when they have lost so much ?

I am not there to prop him up nor making it my goal to get his life back on some sort of track, that is certainly not my job, that I know.

Sorry not been on GN till now, had a full on day, phewwwwww....

You've received a very mixed bag of advice so far Serendipity but at least you know that your husband isn't ill, anxious, depressed, hormonal or nutrient deficient, which is a start in trying to get to the bottom of his problem. Personally, I'd try one more time to have a calm and sensible conversation with him, let him air his concerns, address those as much as you can and reassure him that he has nothing to worry about, especially if you go to see your bereaved friend with another friend. If he's still suspicious that "an affair could develop", I'd be asking myself who he's judging you against and whether I'd want to be in a controlled and manipulated relationship.

Chewbacca

You've received a very mixed bag of advice so far Serendipity but at least you know that your husband isn't ill, anxious, depressed, hormonal or nutrient deficient, which is a start in trying to get to the bottom of his problem. Personally, I'd try one more time to have a calm and sensible conversation with him, let him air his concerns, address those as much as you can and reassure him that he has nothing to worry about, especially if you go to see your bereaved friend with another friend. If he's still suspicious that "an affair could develop", I'd be asking myself who he's judging you against and whether I'd want to be in a controlled and manipulated relationship.

Thank you, VERY wise words for which I appreciate.

Yes, a mix reaction which is absolutely fine, I have read each 1 and given it much thought and seen things from a different view.

1 thing I can absolutely shout from the rooftops ( not literally) is that alllllll this is CERTAINLY not worth upsetting my marriage for, no way.

I will think things through and fathom out a solution.

In a way, I kind of feel that I am letting my friend down because she was SOOOOO GIVING and such a life force of love that I just know 100% that if it were the other way round, then she would do precisely the same as I am doing, its all under the title of care.

Thank you.

No problem Serendipity, I hope you find a way forward.

Callistemon21

It's ridiculous, I still sometimes have a little weep all these years later.

Not ridiculous in the slightest Callistemon

Nice to see you back after a busy day Serendipity
Glad that you are okay

It seems that you are channeling your grief for your friend into wanting to show care for her partner, You’ve admitted this isn’t essential for his wellbeing - so maybe you see it as essential for you? That’s one issue which maybe you could explore through talking therapy or bereavement counselling. Your DH’s reaction to your texting or visiting this man is a separate issue which you need to discuss together, maybe again with a neutral counsellor to avoid recriminations/ arguments. Apologies if you think this is OTT , but this would be one way of resolving the issue without escalating it into a real problem.

vegansrock

It seems that you are channeling your grief for your friend into wanting to show care for her partner, You’ve admitted this isn’t essential for his wellbeing - so maybe you see it as essential for you? That’s one issue which maybe you could explore through talking therapy or bereavement counselling. Your DH’s reaction to your texting or visiting this man is a separate issue which you need to discuss together, maybe again with a neutral counsellor to avoid recriminations/ arguments. Apologies if you think this is OTT , but this would be one way of resolving the issue without escalating it into a real problem.

No i don't think its OTT, if anything i think its helpful and far from OTT and I thank you for it.