Were you a disappointment to your parents ?

I don't think I was a disappointment but, having struggled through the War years believing she was a widow and having been bombed out three times, she tried to encourage me to learn. Then after the War and my Father having been found, my adored sister arrived eleven years after me! Of course she was the apple of Mum's eye and could do no wrong. Even though I did well academically, in sports and in an excellent marriage it was never appreciated by her. Luckily my Father, having missed so much of my growing up, was very supportive.

Yes, great disappointment. Didn't join Young Conservatives, or Young Farmers or marry the next door farmers son. Left home and got a job at 16 and went to evening classes to try and get some exams as the school for 'young ladies' I was sent to didn't do O Levels, let alone A Levels! Actually briefly married someone else at 22 to stop the parents nagging but divorced them and became an academic without having children. Finally had children in my 40s, which was also the 'wrong' thing and still haven't married the father 27 years later. I also shocked them by joining the Labour Party! I still think you can't live your life for your parents and must follow your own path.

What dreadful parents - especially mothers - some of you have had! I am so sorry for these ghastly experiences. My parents were both loving and proud and I'm just sorry they didn't live to meet their grandchildren. They did come to our wedding though and they knew about my first book being published. People who behave like those described above deserve to die alone, unloved and unvisited.

Absolutely, we did not get on and she constantly let me know how I ruined her life by unexpectedly appearing on the scene and then to make matters worse, I had the audacity to be female. I got my own back by leaving home at 17, moving 250 miles away and getting married. That failed much to her joy at being able to say “told you so”, but she’s finally happy that I’ve succeeded in my life at achieving something. She likes to still throw in the occasional backhanded compliments such as “whatever mess you got into, you always sorted it out yourself” or the favourite “nothing you do shocks me anymore, I just have different levels of surprise”. She loves her granddaughter and grandson as they listen to her and do as they’re told. I keep telling her, “you made me independent, but then moaned when I became independent”. Ultimately, her being a crap mother made me strong and I’ve had 2 failed marriages and a string of bad relationships before finally finding the right one, but I’ve just got on with life and not given up. I’ve raised my children to be strong but supported them through any upheavals. They’re both on the property ladder, having got mortgages in their early 20s. I was determined that my children would always be able to come to me for help, just to show my Mother how it should be done!

My mother aged 92 still treats me to this day as if I am an mistake that needs correcting ! I’ve never been able to do anything right evidently. My “revenge” tho is having 3 extremely successful AC and 5 amazing GC who all adore me. Had a very successful career myself prior to retirement and I have life long friends who’ve always supported me and believed in me. So mum doesn't actually matter anymore and she knows this. I see her once a week out of duty and I say as little as possible so she has no ammunition left. I don’t understand why any mother can behave like the many stories on this thread, but the most important thing is to remember that it’s their issues and not ours.

I think so, though it is hard to tell as no-one ever talked about anything that mattered. My father was a bully, both emotionally and physically, I think life was a disappointment to him

No, I don't think so. I was an only child and they loved me very much. They would have just wanted me to be happy. Sadly they both died suddenly and quite unexpectedly within a year of each other when I was in my mid-20s. I was married with two small children.
Luckily I am happy. I have had the same husband for 54 years . We love this part of our life and dread either one of us dying.
The children are both happily married and each have a son and a daughter. They have each married good, decent people.
So I hope my parents would be proud of me. With hindsight I could have done a lot more to make them proud but we learn and grow by sometimes making mistakes. I have learnt so much as I have grown older and I continue to learn. We are in a constant state of becoming and we are never the finished article. I am so proud of them.

I was a disappointment for not following their low church fundamentalist religion, but they were still very loving regardless of that, for which I respect them... long deceased though they are...

Like many others on here I was a disappointment because I was not a boy. My mother thought me pretty useless and once remarked "What can you do to be worth that much?" when I proudly told her of a wage rise. Sadly my mother-in-law was pretty nasty as well, and once told me I could never be a proper mother because I couldn't have babies and my lovely son was adopted. It has taken me years to overcome the feelings of worthlessness.

I've been told so many times that I nearly killed her while she was having me.
Out of five of us favourite children were 1 son and youngest daughter

Narc = narcissist

I am a disappointment to myself, so if my parents were disappointed in me I am not surprised.

What does the word narc mean I've never heard it in this context,we use it to mean annoy.

It’s amazing how many mothers held up cousins or other people as examples of how much better than their own children they were. I wonder what the mothers got out of this. My mother did it all through my life, until comparatively recently. She’s really too old to be bothered with that now. She’s in a care home and not in a very good state and so her concerns are more about herself. But I always wondered why she compared me and my children unfavourably with other people who were obviously so much better than us in every way. I found it baffling.

No, I'm sure I wasn't, even though I was very ordinary and grew up to have a very ordinary life. I always knew they both loved me very much and I genuinely felt that they were the best parents I could have had. We had a very close relationship and I feel surrounded by their love even now, when they have both been gone for many years. I am shocked and sad to read how many grans here did not have that. ?

mine resented me if anything in her life went wrong it was my fault never ever said she loved me or was proud of me, i became pregant at 16 my dad gave consent and married the father he was 19, she gave us six months and repeatedly said it wouldnt l when my son was born she constantly critised way i looked after him and again later when my daughter was born well she was wrong on all counts my marriage lasted 32 years now divorced and both DS and DD both grew up to have good jobs and familys

I was a disappointment to my mother from the moment she knew she was pregnant with me!!

I was always a disappointment to both my parents my brother was the golden boy. When I had kids my parents said they didn't like them because they didn't like their dad. I have nc now havent for over 10 years I can make my own decisions now I can choose my own friends and how I want to spend my time it is beautiful

No I wasn’t a disappointment to my parents, I was always encouraged to go for what I wanted to do, I wasn’t academic really, I had a great childhood and was very loved not spoilt though, and I along with my husband brought up our four children the way I was brought up with boundaries in place luckily everything has turned out great as our children have all got good jobs and happy lives

No my mum was a very kind and caring person.

Probably. Totally wild. Left home at 17 to travel in America.

No NOT a disappointment to my father,he always encouraged me to go into further education and move away and see other places, his mantra was "YOU gotta get out of this place".and I did.
Yes to my mother who loved to boast about my achievements to others but never praised me to my face. She did not approve of DH because she knew we would not move back into her sphere of influence. She wanted him to go into a branch of his job he did not want so we could be near her and even suggested we bought a large house and all lived together.
I never did what she wanted according to her, I did not have a sibling but she held up a cousin as what I should be like.
Her behaviour was summed up by one of my children when they said"Only my gran could die so shortly before my marriage and try to spoil it".
I might add my MIL was just the same and in I a way I thank them ,I would not be what I am today without the battle I fought with both.

There is a thread in Estrangement for adult children who grew up with abuse if anyone would find it helpful

This is a bit spooky after growing up as the plump plain child unlike my slim and pretty sister and mum I spotted a photo on Facebook today. Not having seen either of them for a long time I did smile at the two of them both overweight and not maturing well. Once I cut ties I discovered I had a thyroid problem and with the correct medication my plumpness disappeared I never post photos of me on social media but am so tempted to post one today.
I do recall going to buy my wedding dress and mum bought her outfit which cost more than double the cost of mine typical narc she said well no one will be looking at you but they will all be looking at me. Silly thing is we look very alike and whenever anyone said oh you're your mum's double she would reply yes but I'm attractive ?‍♀️

I was the plain gawky kid while my sister was exceptionally pretty so I guess I was a disappointment to my parents in many ways. They made it plain that she was the golden princess. By contrast my grandmother never took to my sister and said she was spoiled.

My father (in particular) made it clear that he resented my ambitions and my going into a "posh" job where I was paid by bank transfer and used a cheque book. He believed that it was disrespectful to want a different lifestyle than your parents. He called it "having unrealistic expectations above your class"

I never believed that my "class" was dictated by my parents but rather by what I achieved.

Even when I later returned to education and completed a Ph.D my parents were not impressed. They did not come to my graduation.