Gransnet forums


Were you a disappointment to your parents ?

(212 Posts)
Floradora9 Tue 09-Aug-22 21:50:04

I am sure I was . I did not go on to further education though given plenty of encouragement to do so . I started work in a bank , at that time it was unusual to spend 5 years in high school and do so , and I must admit was was happy there. My mother would at times ask if I would not like to go and get a " real job " like training to be a nurse which she did . I only once tried to get another job which came with training but did not get it . I think that thing that I did that made my mother happy was to produce her two grandchildren whome she doted on . At least neat the end of her life she said that she was sorry she had not been good to her own mother but I had been good to her.

cornergran Tue 09-Aug-22 21:54:56

I suspect I did. I was the wrong gender I think and could never replace the still born son. Having said that both parents were loving and did all they could for me, an undercurrent of sadness was always there though.

Smileless2012 Tue 09-Aug-22 21:55:57

Not as far as I know. I'm happy with my life and the choices I made and to me that's all that matters.

twiglet77 Tue 09-Aug-22 21:59:19

Yes, for being conceived after they thought they’d had enough children. My mother never stopped reminding me I was unplanned.

FarNorth Tue 09-Aug-22 22:10:12

I did the same as you floradora thanks to hopeless career advice from school although my parents had hoped I'd go to university.
They never seemed disappointed, tho, and encouraged me with whatever I did.

FarNorth Tue 09-Aug-22 22:11:26

That's awful twiglet , I'm sorry to hear that happened.

Golddustwoman Tue 09-Aug-22 22:32:58

yes, absolutely, I never even thought they particularly like me! the positive from it though is that I have always let my children know when I am proud of them - and not for big achievements but for being kind etc

Kate1949 Tue 09-Aug-22 22:36:43

They couldn't have cared less.

henetha Tue 09-Aug-22 22:40:06

Yes definitely. I was adopted and never lived up to expectations. I think I was a huge disappointment.

maddyone Tue 09-Aug-22 22:43:54

My mother liked to boast of my achievements, although they were really rather limited, but she didn’t seem to like me much or be pleased with me much, judging by the way she always tried to put me down verbally and often quite cruelly. My father was proud of me and I knew that.
My mother seems to like me more now she’s old, in a care home, and fairly helpless. She always thanks me for visiting her now.

Sago Tue 09-Aug-22 22:46:48

I grew up hearing the words”I rue the day you were born” I was always a disappointment.
My brother the golden child could do no wrong.

kircubbin2000 Tue 09-Aug-22 22:46:59

Yes, being very clever was the most important thing to my parents and I did not go to uni because a cousin who lectured there told my parents I wouldnt be able to cope with the course even though he didnt know me!
They disapproved of my husband because of gossip they had heard and never really liked him or his family through snobbishness of his background.

Blossoming Tue 09-Aug-22 22:48:36

No, I felt safe and loved.

bridie54 Tue 09-Aug-22 22:56:29

I’ve never felt I was a disappointment even tho I was hoped to be a David. The family would then have been girl, boy, girl, boy but then I appeared and foiled the plan. I was a bit of a tomboy so maybe that made up for it.
I remember both my parents as being very proud of all our very different achievements.
I felt a bit sad the other day when my son expressed a disappointment that his son wasn’t the active fearless boy he would have liked. (That he had been) I reminded him he had a kind, thoughtful intelligent boy and that was more important .

crazyH Tue 09-Aug-22 22:59:30

Oh Sago - that’s awful 🤗

Shelflife Tue 09-Aug-22 23:07:13

I agree crazyH, Sago I feel for you . That must really hurt!! Hope you have been able to ride above it.

Sago Tue 09-Aug-22 23:15:27

crazyH shelflife I came to rems with it years ago! My mother was a narc and my father and brother cowardly bullies.

I made a greater success of my life than any of them.

They are all dead now and thankfully I’m alive with 3 wonderful children, 2 beautiful grandchildren and a fantastic husband.

VioletSky Tue 09-Aug-22 23:16:15

Oh definitely but she actively sabotaged me and my education. During my exams I don't think I ever cried so much in my life she was awful to me.

She called me a failure in so many ways with a smug smile on her face.

I walked away from her several years ago and went back into education, now I finally have a job I love, I'm good at and I'm respected in.

So now I just fight her voice in my head

Kate1949 Tue 09-Aug-22 23:17:48

sago. Good for you for making a happy life.

VioletSky Tue 09-Aug-22 23:18:33

Not my Dad though, I should say. He has always been proud of me and never prouder when I finally stopped trying to have a good relationship with her

geekesse Wed 10-Aug-22 00:06:25

Oh, I was a great disappointment to my mother. When I was very young, she called me ‘abnormal’ to my face and to her friends because I was introverted and rather bookish. She planned on my going to university, but I married young instead. I was at her house one day with all of my impeccably behaved children (well, they were when we visited granny - on pain of death!), and she looked at them, sighed, and said ‘such a pity you never achieved anything.’

GagaJo Wed 10-Aug-22 00:44:06

Yes. I distanced myself from my family, because I found relationships with them hard. It made my mother very sad.

nanna8 Wed 10-Aug-22 02:36:45

On and off. Dad was always proud and supportive but Mum would make comments about all my brains and looks not making up for not being nice. The result was that I was always trying to please everybody. They were both very proud when I graduated but by then I had left home and things were a whole lot better between us.

Sara1954 Wed 10-Aug-22 06:17:51

Oh yes, right from the beginning, similar reasons to Cornergran.

JaneJudge Wed 10-Aug-22 06:22:11

The one yes but I could have farted a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end and he'd have picked fault. I wonder what makes people spiteful parents to their own children?