Following on from the discussion about single people.....

I'm your position I would not withhold the gift of money simply because they have not married, I would have made them all equal.

Yes, it would be money. I won't be making the decision soon, so won't be back to tell you the outcome, but yes, all replies are helpful!

Absolutely I’d give them the same as their married siblings.

I’m reminded of that episode in Sex and the City when Carrie calculates she has give a friend hundreds of dollars to celebrate her life choices (engagement, marriage, births) but has never received anything to celebrate her life choice of remaining single.

Not fair is it?

Blondiescot

StarDreamer

I suggest that whatever it is that it is something unbreakable that will not wear out and is big enough not to get mislaid.

So, not a crockery set, not small brooches, something like a large fancy silver looking tray with a pattern in it, yet not silver in case it tarnishes.

So that in many years time it is still the tray that Auntie given_name gave me.

Not something that "Oh no I've dropped and broken ..." or "Where did that ... go?" or "Well it was great once but it is all tarnished now ..."

So not a watch or a camera, they can break.

I'm pretty sure the OP is talking about giving money as a gift and not an actual item.

> I’d be interested to know what sort of token gift you’d give as I would like to do that too.

Ah, I replied as I thought it was the OP asking that.

Anyway, perhaps my reply will be helpful.

StarDreamer

I suggest that whatever it is that it is something unbreakable that will not wear out and is big enough not to get mislaid.

So, not a crockery set, not small brooches, something like a large fancy silver looking tray with a pattern in it, yet not silver in case it tarnishes.

So that in many years time it is still the tray that Auntie given_name gave me.

Not something that "Oh no I've dropped and broken ..." or "Where did that ... go?" or "Well it was great once but it is all tarnished now ..."

So not a watch or a camera, they can break.

I'm pretty sure the OP is talking about giving money as a gift and not an actual item.

I suggest that whatever it is that it is something unbreakable that will not wear out and is big enough not to get mislaid.

So, not a crockery set, not small brooches, something like a large fancy silver looking tray with a pattern in it, yet not silver in case it tarnishes.

So that in many years time it is still the tray that Auntie given_name gave me.

Not something that "Oh no I've dropped and broken ..." or "Where did that ... go?" or "Well it was great once but it is all tarnished now ..."

So not a watch or a camera, they can break.

Give them all the same marriage is a guarantee and it’s no better a life than a choice to be single

I agree with giving the gifts now and I'm sure they'd be appreciated.

It does seem unfair to give gifts to help with setting up a household after marriage but to give nothing towards simply setting up a household where there isn't a marriage.

I think your unmarried relatives would be surprised and delighted to be offered gifts.

I agree with Doodledog

Similar situation with a couple of our tribe. We gave them the same, but as a housewarming rather than a wedding gift.

We gave a substantial monetary gift to my two nieces when they got married. Our nephew still hadn’t married at age 40 so we gave him the same amount and told him that if he married later he had had his gift. He was more than happy with this.
He is now 44 and has just announced that he and his girlfriend are planning to marry next year and added that they are both very grateful that we gave them the money earlier which is firmly embedded in the bricks and mortar of their home.
I felt it was the right thing to do and hope you agree. I’d be interested to know what sort of token gift you’d give as I would like to do that too.

I have given my godchildren a substantial financial gift when they were flat buying. It was when they “needed” the money. One has since married and received a smaller but lovely gift.

I think in your circumstances I would give them the money. To withhold it if they don't marry would seem like you are rewarding the others for marriage, when probably the original intention was more about helping them with starting out on adult life?

I'm sure they will understand that they can't expect a large gift if or when they marry, and will appreciate the contribution to their new homes.