Talking about Grief..

I think it all depends on the individual. I have seen that in my own family, where some people retreated into themselves after a bereavement where others want to talk about it a lot and others act as if it never happened.

I think we Brits still carry that "stiff upper lip".
I talk about those who have passed as do most people i know,we remember the good,not the bad.

Why do people say that people have ‘passed’ now? They haven’t passed, they’ve died! My mother died three weeks ago. She didn’t pass, she died. Are people so afraid to speak of death? Death is what it is.

I agree maddyone

When I had to inform people of a family death I just said, 'They died' or 'she's dead'. By whatever phrase people were told, the fact was they were dead.

I guess 'passed on' refers to an afterlife.

We talk about death quite easily and naturally in our family. As did my parents and other relatives.

I have friends who won’t talk about it. It seems very odd to me.

We talk about people who have died when the occasion arises and the remembering is pertinent to the conversation.

I’m not “grieving” for the Queen. I never knew her. I wouldn’t know how to respond to a message sent to me about that.

I agree maddyone. We die.

I have found the death of the Queen very difficult because it happened a couple of days after my mum’s death. I’m better about it now we’ve had the funeral, but so much emphasis on death has been difficult during my own grieving process.

I too am not grieving in any real sense for the queen and have no plans to watch the funeral. Hope to catch some of the music though, which hopefully will be high quality and worth hearing.

When my OH died we never talked about "passing", even to the smallest GC. We said that his body had given up and his molecules would return to the stardust whence he came, and that his love for them was now a part of them and would last for life and be passed on to their children. They had seen his body failing and helped with looking after him, so it did not seem a shock that his body had given up.

They talk about him lots and make little things (mostly felt gnomes!) to put on his grave to remember him.

?for you maddyone. It must be hard to have this constantly in the news at the same time.

Are you able to take a little break away soon? Sometimes it can help.

I agree Maddy with the term passing. I was pleased that when Huw Edwards announced it on TV he said the Queen had died.
So sorry to hear about your Mother.

Have that conversation right now with your child or children.

It is far easier emotionally, while you are still hale and hearty, than it will be, when you see the end approaching.

Make your will, jot down your wishes regarding a funeral and make a list of where all important documents - birth, baptismal and wedding certificates for you and a spouse, whether living or dead, if you have or have had one, deeds to your house, details of all and every insurance policy, car registration, banking details, and where all these papers are.

Remember too to leave instructions and authorisation for someone or other to cancel your accounts on LinkedIn, Facebook and all the rest of the digital sites you use.

And while you are about it, decide whether you really want your children reading your old love letters and other private letters, diaries etc. If you don't either burn them yourself, or leave very clear instructions as to their disposal. Same applies to photos.

If you have a pet, or pets, leave clear instructions as to whom you want to assume responsibility for them, and what form it is to take, if you still have a pet when you dies.

maddyone I can understand how you feel. My mother died not long before Princess Diana died and I can see now that my very emotional reaction to Princess Diana's death was caused by it coming so soon after I had lost my mother.

I use passed as I do believe in an afterlife as was taught we’re on the next journey Maddyone am sorry for your recent bereavement ?

Pass an exam, pass a driving test, pass the salt... I don't use 'pass' intransitively. What is wrong with the word'die'? My parents wouldn't talk about death. I had to ask my uncle if my grandpa had died. When granny died, I deduced this fact from my father's searching for his black tie.
'Passed' is mealy-mouthed and pussy-footing around the natural event of death.

Bea65 I hope you find someone to be with you for the funeral, but if not your local church will probably have live screens up for people to watch together, I know ours will be.

Thank you so much for condolences and kind thoughts Lathyrus, dragonfly, Monica, and Bea. I understand what you’re saying Bea but for me, died describes exactly what has happened.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thank you B9exchange ..believe will stay at home, as feeling emotionally and physically exhausted or, "overwrought" a saying my late Mom would utter

Good idea to stay at home Bea as in the comfort of your own home, you can cry or smile as the mood takes you. I will be at home too and I doubt my husband will join me to watch, he’ll be out in the garden doing a bit of gardening, so I’ll be alone in watching the funeral. I’ll be able to cry if I feel like it, no observers. Unless my son and my grandson pop down for a cup of tea, which I won’t mind if they do. My daughter and family are in New Zealand and my other son and his wife are on holiday after his Nana’s funeral, so it won’t be busy here either.

Maddy another Americanism taking hold ,sadly. I am going to die, not pass to wherever. I hate that expression ‘passed’.

The GC are intrigued about when I will die - lots of talk along the lines of ... when I am x years old will you be dead?!

My mother, when she was alive, used to talk about, 'When I become an estate'!

I’m feeling rather battered by current events. The day of the Queen’s death was the 21st anniversary of my Mother’s death, my father in law died a couple of months ago, a close colleague and friend died on his way home from work on the day of my FIL’s funeral and then my sons godmother took her own life a few weeks ago. I’m feeling tearful at odd moments and seem to be lacking my usual resilience. I will be watching the funeral tomorrow and I expect to shed a few tears again.

MrsKen33

Maddy another Americanism taking hold ,sadly. I am going to die, not pass to wherever. I hate that expression ‘passed’.

I can’t believe how worked up people get over “passed”. Obviously because it’s American…shock horror.

I’m sure there was always the expression “passed away” even in Britain