What was your experience of childbirth ?

Daisymae

I started to write about my experiences and decided not to. Awful and traumatic is about as much as I want to say.

My first labour too. Possibly for different reasons as I was treated as a "silly child" for wanting a home birth.
I was hounded into hospital. As far as I am concerned it became a medicalised birth for no valid reason. I still could weep for the emotional abuse many of us suffered when we wanted a birth less “medical” in those days (late 70s early 80s).

The way the professionals treated me at that time has shaped the person I have become. I am not the compliant deferential person I might have been but fight now for what is right. I have been a campaigner ever since. The system created me.

Since then I have had four glorious, magical home births. Each differently perfect in its own way.
I have been truly blessed.

Shared experience is all very well, but it seems that for some women childbirth is the one thing in their life.
Don’t get me wrong, I could not be prouder of my three daughters and rate them above any other “achievements” , but one has to move on. I also can’t take (all) the credit for how they have turned out, much as I would like to! ]
Reminiscing about horrendous experiences/easy births/C sections or whatever has its place , but that is firmly in the past and as a woman life does not start and end with motherhood.
I wonder if this does not cast a light on the sort of poster who still feels that as Mum, she is still the most important person in her AC’s life?
“To every thing there is a season “ - being a child, a partner, a parent, a grandparent - or perhaps none of these. Single, career person, no children - all equally valid. And much as some of us might like to hold on to those “happy days” it is unhealthy to live in the past.

I don’t think that many of us are living in the past. It is interesting to read about different experiences of childbirth and how things have moved on or otherwise. This is what the thread is about. I doubt that many of us think about it very often otherwise but it is something that every woman who has given birth remembers. If I am with someone who is expecting a baby, I certainly would not regale her with details of my experiences, as I did not give birth easily and it would not be helpful. On a forum like this, though, we are recounting experiences from decades ago and it can be both cathartic and interesting.

Discussing childbirth on one thread is not living in the past though. Yesterday I had a brief discuss about an organisation I worked for that doesnt mean my time at that organisation is the defining part of me. Many of the conversations that take place between women on these issues can help shape future attitudes and services.

I was a naive 17 year old when I gave Birth to my First Son.As a single Mother I was in the care of nuns .I was in Labour for 3 days.My waters had broken some time before ,I told the nuns but they weren't that kind and barked well did you wet yourself or was it your waters breaking. So My Son was Born dry with the most beautiful peachy skin. With the help of a poor nun who looked as young and frightened as I and prayed through-out .I often wonder where she is now.No gas and air or drugs. Having my other Children was so much better with pain meds to help.My last Son was born in the 80's and it was a world of difference. Still more painful then a splinter thou .

This was in the 60's.

Some experiences are life-changing Maw, birth and death surely are up there.
The way we treat others in those times speaks to the society we are. I suppose that was my point.

No-one can take from me the night my lovely mother gently died and the way the sun rose, soft and enveloping that next morning. No one can belittle the glorious feeling of having your 1st child snuggle in bed with you, your husband and your new baby just minutes after your second baby has entered the world.

These human moments are precious and affirming. They do not mean we can't move on and that we don't celebrate other simpler rites of passage - our first home, study, travelling the world, even career changes.

I haven't noticed on this thread anyone who thinks that "as a woman life starts and ends with motherhood," Maw and can't see any link between birth stories and the poster "who still feels that as Mum, she is still the most important person in her AC’s life".

Really good point about how we treat people in these moments says much of us as a society.

Some experiences are life-changing Maw, birth and death surely are up there. The way we treat others in those times speaks to the society we are. I suppose that was my point

Indeed they are life changing when one transitions from wife to wife and mother - and then three weeks later, for me, back to wife.
Or that wonderful moment when my daughter cradled her firstborn and I transitioned from mother to grandmother
More recently, holding Paw in my arms with my daughters round the bed as he slipped away and I transitioned from wife to widow.
But these are also intensely private experiences.
I feel that 40+ years on “childbirth” needs to take its place in the filing cabinet of memories to be treasured but not dwelt upon.

I certainly don't define myself from my birth experiences but occasionally discuss it if asked. Obviously I don't discuss the intimate details (not that I'd remember them as I was under a GA every time) but as I had 3 children all spaced well apart in different decades, I do find it interesting about how different it was from my first experience to the last. It would have been marvellous to say that the care had become better over the years but, sadly, that just isn't true.
I also think I must lack something when it comes to giving birth. As long as I get a healthy child at the end of the experience, I couldn't care less if the "birth plan" altered. I know many women who get so wound up if their ideal birth doesn't happen and fall into a depression over it. I am sure I'd just be thanking my lucky stars that I had a live, healthy baby at the end of it. Naturally I am talking about successful births, not those where things went horribly wrong for the baby.

I had 14 years of losses ,so it really did take over my life to a certain extent .When I did have a child to bring home what a previous poster thought was ridiculous,we watched her sleep .It didn't feel ridiculous to us ,we were safeguarding her .

I certainly dont think I'm the most important person in their lives ,but we are very close and they are happy to see us and spend lots of time with us,as do the GC.
Honestly I cant remember the last time I invited them here ,they invite themselves .
Thats just family surely ,I do realise we are very lucky .Our kids and GC love us and like being with us .

My first was born to n 1979. The whole experience was the stuff of nightmares. I was in hospital for 5 weeks and, afterworlds, ill for a lot longer. No one seemed to have a clue and went out of their way to confuse, belittle and bully first time mums. One nurse, on coming to take my C Section stitches out declared “ Let’s see how much we can make this hurt.” I screamed until a more senior nurse came and ushered her out. I suffered dreadful PND and got told that it was my fault for being lazy instead of giving birth in the normal way. My second child was born in a different hospital and the National Childbirth Trust made sure that it was a more positive experience.

First baby was heralded by waking up around noon on Sunday with slight cramps and a backache. I called the doctor who told me honestly it would have to get a lot worse than that to go to the hospital. He asked me what I had had to eat and I confessed that I had five ham salad sandwiches, seven Mr Good Bars, and a quart of grape sherbet the day before. He moaned out load. Figuring I was going to be a while, I ate some barbecue that afternoon. Around 5: 00pm still continued to have cramps and backache and reluctantly the doctor told me to go to the hospital. By 10:00 everything had ground to a halt, and the doctor suggested I go home. I don't know if I was just afraid I wouldn't get back there or if I really felt like something was in the offing, but I said I thought I better stay and stay I did. Went to sleep and woke up very late,around midnight with naggy backache and cramps. All the nurses' pity seemed focused on my husband and they convinced me he needed to go home because it was going to be a long night and he needed his rest. Away he went and I proceeded to grasp the edge of the sheet and prepare myself for the "gonna get worse" part. I was an only child, and had had no experience or training. I called the nurses a couple of times and they would only come as far as the door of the room. I explained that I thought things were moving along and I was uncomfortable, and they tut-tutted me and returned to the nurse station. I obediently watched the wall clock tick the minutes away, and when a half an hour had passed I called them again. The nurse was really getting irritated at me, But I persisted in saying I thought the baby was coming. The nurse harrumped her way over to me and checked me, whereupon she realized my water had broken and baby was indeed coming. Then I was bounced back and forth like a yo-yo while they changed the sheet, called the doctor, and banged me on every corner on the floor on the way to the delivery room. Dr. materialized, told me to take some deep breaths and slow down, to which I responded that I couldn't. They slapped ether over me, and the next thing I knew I had a baby boy. Little bit of tearing. I think they all got the idea that they might have done better had they listened to me.

I think I was mighty blessed four easy labours of 12 hours, 10 hours, 2 hours and one after 45 minutes of labour. Not a single stitch.

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My son was born painfully but without difficulty. However, because I had a major tear a senior surgeon was called in. This clever fellow managed to leave a swab inside me and the resulting infections were horrendous. Long time ago but it did take me a whole five years to work up the courage for a second attempt. Such is life.

My first was very traumatic I was living in the Far East a long way from home my fairly new husband not really very interested it was a ‘will it be long’ kind of attitude My baby was breech and although they turned her (traumatic in it’s own way) she whizzed straight back, so next morning I was induced Green as grass knew nothing about childbirth I was just 21
I gave birth just with pethedine after 8 hours and like others cut and stitched and terrified The nurses held my hands and there were doctors and an anaesthetist standing by, in case
The day before I had an X-ray ! with a ruler sideways between my legs to see if my pelvis was wide enough……I kid you not

Second was in my local hospital again very painful but quicker about 5 hours it was an extremely hot day at the beginning of September and there was a hospital fete going on the windows were opened and all the jolly people laughing and chatting while I groaned and cried The midwife, a stingy old gal slapped me across the face and said ‘mother stop making so much noise’ I remember being sick
Third one was much quicker again in a military hospital and again very painful but much quicker I was rolling around for about 4 or 5 hours then told the nurses I needed to push they told me I was no where near ready and not to push yet The baby landed in the bed a few minutes later !!!
I was stitched for all three and sitting on a rubber ring for a week or more

I should have said this was ‘67, ‘69 and ‘73

There are some sad and traumatic recollections on here. to those affected.

I was lucky - no major trauma so my memories are good ones. After number one I was stitched up by my GP in full evening dress. It was 2.30am, he’d been to a function in the hospital so was called up to do the honours. He asked for the biggest needle as he could barely see straight to thread it and nearly anaesthetised me with his whisky breath. Fortunately he still did a good job! Number 2 was back to back and I seemed to be pushing forever while DH sat next to me calmly eating a pork dinner and pudding (nay, two puddings!) the midwives had provided. With number 3 I should just have stayed at home when I woke up at 6am ready to push. Instead I crossed my legs for the 15 minute drive and he was born on a trolley just inside the hospital entrance.

Horrible.

Not good!