Anyone else struggling after returning to the UK?

Yoginimeisje

Callistemon21

Our C wonder where he will be buried

Perhaps they could scatter his ashes at sea so he could go where the ocean currents take him ?

I'd like that.

I'll suggest that Calli

DH has requested that!

I have wonderful conversations when I walk my little dog in the park or on the beach Nana8 wouldn't be without my little furbaby, and it's quite amazing the things you get to talk about and the coincidences. Before I moved recently, I was very friendly with a group of ladies, I called my park friends, and when my little furbaby [then] passed away, one of them posted a bereavement card and a little gift throw my door, so nice!

Callistemon21

^Our C wonder where he will be buried^

Perhaps they could scatter his ashes at sea so he could go where the ocean currents take him ?

I'd like that.

I'll suggest that Calli

I was just wondering, a bit left field, but would it help if you got a dog or a cat? I have noticed that people talk when they are walking their dogs (we have had several, none just now though). During our lockdowns people were walking round more and I only found out then that one of our nearish neighbours had an Italian background, they were so interesting to talk to but I had never met them before. These sort of things make you feel part of the community.

Our C wonder where he will be buried

Perhaps they could scatter his ashes at sea so he could go where the ocean currents take him ?

I'd like that.

I am interested in the idea of 'an end, not a begining'. Personally, I see life more in cycles that move along, but bits come round again.
When we retired, we returned to my native heath (we hadn't actually been far away, but it felt rather 'different'). To me it was both - a new beginning in many ways, but also a home coming to end my days where they began, among family and a countryside that I love.
I was also fortunate - this is rather out-of-the-way. People here feel much 'lower key' than where we lived before - very content with local interests and entertainment, which suits us well.
I hope some of this helps Countess, I think in a discussion like this, you never know which bits will strike a spark!

CountessFosco

Just that really. Becoming more and more down and probably suffering from "the grass is always greener" syndrome. After three years of trying valiantly to settle back in England after 44 years of absence, nostalgic and homesick for France, Belgium and Switzerland. This country is in a terrible mess which doesn't help. Came back for the children but our DIL is taciturn, non-communicative with us due to the fact that she hates her own mother {her words not ours} so we don't see the GC very often, despite we moved from Dorset to Hertfordshire to be near them. Would love to go back, but OH says we are simply too advanced in age {79 + 77} to even contemplate another major upheaval. He's right but it is so difficult trying to adapt...... Sorry for the unburdening.

Thought I'd quote as there are 8pages of replies!

When I married, my H&I went to live in Africa, I thought for about 1yr, but actually stayed for 6yrs! When my first born was approaching her 2nd birthday I persuaded my H to return home to England, saying he would get a good job in no time, he ended in a rubbish job and was not happy back in the UK. Within 2yrs we left for The Netherlands where we stayed for 7yrs.

After divorce I returned to the UK to be near family, he stayed and is now living in Indonesia and has been there for around 20yrs. He married a local girl and although they are not together anymore, he has stayed.

So, I always longed to return home to the UK whereas my H never wanted to, couldn't settle when we did return and so has now spent more of his life overseas then in his home country. Our C wonder where he will be buried!

knspol - what an obvious and interesting observation that we have all missed.

All other moves felt like a move forwards to something new but coming back to the UK on DH's retirement felt like a move backwards.

I really hadn't thought of that. It's maybe the feeling that this is a sort-of end rather than a beginning.

Perhaps the OP needs to re-frame it as new opportunities - not just family opportunities.
Is there something you have always wanted to do/learn? Get doing it! Start something NEW

I understand the feeling of "going backwards" and it's not a happy one.
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My SIL and one of my daughters are fluent in other languages. I am totally envious, wish I had listened more and learnt more when I was young. Bit late now, the memory isn’t what it was.

You were both in your 70s when you moved back to UK and its only 3 years ago. Don't know about others but I feel 3 years is a blink of an eye.
You obviously know other countries much better than here, I'd move back to where you felt most settled and happy. Moving to be near family sometimes works but not always. You've given it your best shot, time to think of yourselves and move.

Took me many years to settle back in UK after years of living abroad in various countries. All other moves felt like a move forwards to something new but coming back to the UK on DH's retirement felt like a move backwards. No new adventures no new interesting friends everybody seemed very set in their ways and unfriendly probably took around 5 yrs to feel settled but still would prefer to live elsewhere.

SecondhandRose

Goodness me. Go to where makes you happy. My Mum has just bought a property and moving towns. She is 91.

But all of us are constrained by immigration rules and entitlement to pensions / benefits / health & social care. You have to be immensely wealthy not to have to take that into account.
House prices are also a factor. I am astonished by the cost of ordinary houses in some areas. Indeed, our out-of-the-way village is just showing signs of gentrification. Young couples moving out of London to work from home, and 50-60-somethings financing retirement by moving into a same-size property here.

Goodness me. Go to where makes you happy. My Mum has just bought a property and moving towns. She is 91.

Your grandchildren will grow up and leave home sooner than you think. My parents did a 400 mile shift in their 70's to be nearer my brothers' children, it was a huge upheaval and now the boys have left school and moved to universities in Germany (their mum is German) even as young boys mum and dad rarely saw them and now my mother is a widow reliant on neighbours and friends for things. Go back to where you are happiest, they can come out on holiday.

As someone else mentioned. Take a long holiday let in France.
3 or 4 months. Just do what you want. Some Children don’t always think if parents wishes. I’m wondering what there version of this would be. Perhaps worth thinking of that.
Yes I’d be renting a long term flat or cottage.
Have some fun xx

We have a very good U3A here in France and it is an excellent way of improving fluency and keeping your French up to speed!
We sold our larger property out in the countryside very easily to Parisians during Covid as lots of them were house-hunting for rural properties. We are now happily living in a smaller house near all local facilities. I think making decisions before things get too difficult is key.

You aren’t too old! Come back to Europe - it’s different here. Far more elderly-friendly. And it’s sunnier. They might be keener to visit you for a free holiday!

We're not all like that, CountessFosco!

It might be a good idea to join some groups eg U3A and find like-minded people where you could perhaps lead some language groups if you felt like it, or learn something new. You'd be welcomed, I'm sure.

CountessFosco

Just as an aside, our neighbours heard me speaking French a while ago. "How many languages do you speak then"? When replying French, German, Swiss, Flemish and Italian, she remarked "ohhhhh get her". Such attitudes are hurtful and make settling that much more difficult.

Don't worry Countess, they were just jealous! I spent 10 years living in rural France, returned in 2014. I don't regret leaving at all, partly because although I could "get by" in French, I struggled with the grammar and was not that fluent. We both found the bureaucracy very time-consuming.

On the leisure front, France has some beautiful chateaux but no National Trust equivalent, so an expensive day out. Also they don't have an open gardens scheme as in the UK - there was a day of gardens opening in early May, and that was it! We love visiting those kinds of places so have made the most of them since returning. Also we love going to retro festivals (80s) etc and seeing live music - we found all of this was limited in France. Same as going to classic car shows etc. Depends on your preferred pastimes I suppose!

No regrets about coming back to the UK at all - much more to do here, especially in the colder months. I think the suggestions on meeting more people via U3A and interest groups are very valid.

Life is too short, buy a nice property abroad, enjoy your lives there. You can always sell up in U.K. later, or return to U.K.
Go and enjoy!!!

Just as an aside, our neighbours heard me speaking French a while ago. "How many languages do you speak then"? When replying French, German, Swiss, Flemish and Italian, she remarked "ohhhhh get her". Such attitudes are hurtful and make settling that much more difficult.

Grantanow

Live where you are happy.

Moving does cost such a lot, though.

We found somewhere we liked, good location etc but calculated that, by the time we'd made the prospective bungalow as we wanted it and paid all the expenses of moving, any gains from downsizing would be lost plus more.

Live where you are happy.

That’s exactly the same as my mum fleurpepper. It’s a cruel disease.
Best wishes to you CountessF.

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