Dog friendly? What would you do?

Me. I’d have gone home.

But not feeling aggrieved. Just accepting that wanted two different things.

Actually my walking group always has lunch at a pub after the walk, but I don’t like a midday meal so I usually just have a coffee on my own in the bar.

I do t expect anyone to have coffee with me just because I don’t want to be in the restaurant. They aren’t being unfriendly they’re just doing what they want.

I genuinely don’t see how it’s a problem everyone doing the thing that suits them.

I certainly wouldn’t lose friendships because they didn’t do the thing I’ve chosen to do.

Kate1949

Lathyrus Would it have hurt them not to 'have the meal they want' on this one occasion? They could have compromised on this one occasion for their friend. I've done so, as I'm sure others have.

They could have done, they probably have in the past, but this they choose to have the meal they wanted. That doesn’t make them bad friends.

Just people making choices. Just like Nannyrose was a person who made a choice. No reason why her choice should be the one that prevails over everybody else, surely.

Sometimes one set is saying “surely just this once’ and the other set s saying “Oh not again”.

Sometimes people don’t realise how often others have given way to keep the peace and are quite taken aback when finally someone says ‘Not this time”.

I see what you mean but it's just one meal. They could have compromised and come to a different arrangement next time. Just my opin

Crossed posts.

Smileless2012

Number 3 for me with no apologies for leaving.

Same here.

they choose to have the meal they wanted.

They could have had the same meal in one of the other areas.

Sometimes people don’t realise how often others have given way to keep the peace and are quite taken aback when finally someone says ‘Not this time”.

If that's the case they should have actually said it at the start, not just rudely left OP out.

If I had been I'm that group I would have said I would eat in the 'dog' area with you. Maybe tried to encourage others to think about it also.

Blondiescot, I maybe wasn't clear - eating in the dog-friendly areas means they would be automatically choosing to eat with ag least the OPs dog there, and potentially many more.

I was saying that I would totally avoid dog friendly rooms and would not want to take even my own dog in. I would not expect my friends to have to eat in the dog friendly area.
I wouldn't care to do so myself so would not expect them to want to do so.
I would have chosen to go home or eat outside with my dog.

I don’t think your friends were deliberately being unkind , it’s just that they all preferred to have eat their lunch in the dog free restaurant , which is perfectly understandable.
I have a dog , and as tempting as would be to take him with me on a country walk , I would have left him at home as I would prefer to have had lunch without the responsibility of my dog with me .
For people who are not dog owners , the last place they would want to be is to have their lunch surrounded by dogs , as they do tend to sniff about looking for tit bits . There is a time and a place for everything, and this were a time to be dog free .

As a matter of interest, how big was the group of friends? Are we talking about three or four, or maybe nine or ten? If a larger group, it’s probably easier to make that sort of decision, whereas a small group not so much. (You can just ‘blend in’ with the majority).

As someone else pointed out, not unreasonably, if you sit in a ‘dog’ area, then you could be surrounded by a number of dogs, not just the one belonging to the OP.

Sounds so odd I can’t imagine anyone I know friend or not just leaving me on my own at the end of the walk Did they just forget you and carry on into the restaurant , then presume you d carried on home or did they outright say “sorry mate
we re eating inside?”
I think that’s important was it a outright rude act or an oversight ?
Would have been better in hindsight to have asked if it was going to be a dog walk or not I wouldn’t just assume it was ok to take a dog along to a friends meet up
Although the outcome was rude and unforgivable I think Gramnnyrose was wrong to not establish if it was a dog friendly walk or a ‘human only’ walk too

But if all is as it’s written, then they were rude I just wonder if there’s more to it as it’s very strange if some are good friends

Ps I hate dogs (or cats, cows, goats or hyenas) eating with people…. leave them home folks if going out for a meal We have a lovely new big venue with five different eating stalls and a big communal eating area but its dog friendly yuk

I ve read it all through again and want to add I think one point is very important

a) did they all just walk through to the indoor area (and forget you if it was a largish group)
Or
b) did they say ‘sorry we re eating in here whether you like it or not’

That makes a big difference if it was the former hurtful but not intended if it was the second unforgivable and off my Christmas card list

I just can't comprehend how anyone who calls themselves a friend would leave the OP to eat on her own, when there was a perfectly acceptable alternative right there, staring them in the face. Even if they didn't really want the dog there, that was still no excuse for their rude behaviour. As Kate1949 said, would it really have been such a big deal for them to compromise on this one occasion? They would have been eating from the same menu anyway, just in a different part of the premises. That's what friends do - they make compromises and allowances for one another.

Blondiescot

I just can't comprehend how anyone who calls themselves a friend would leave the OP to eat on her own, when there was a perfectly acceptable alternative right there, staring them in the face. Even if they didn't really want the dog there, that was still no excuse for their rude behaviour. As Kate1949 said, would it really have been such a big deal for them to compromise on this one occasion? They would have been eating from the same menu anyway, just in a different part of the premises. That's what friends do - they make compromises and allowances for one another.

100% this.

You were in a very difficult situation and it would have been lovely if they could simply have had their lunch in the dog friendly areas. I don't have a dog but I am always happy to say hello to dogs and would have been happy to sit in the dog friendly area of the restaurant. However there are people who are afraid of dogs or simply prefer not to eat surrounded by dogs so I understand their predicament too! Great pity you were unaware of the restaurant policy prior to going.

I think nowadays (maybe more so since lockdown) there’s been a great surge in ‘love me, love my dog’. Hmm. I love dogs. We’ve had 3 cockers over the years. But we dislike eating meals in ‘dog friendly’ places. So many of the reasons stated above. I’ve witnessed some shocking behaviour by some dog owners. Some actively encourage their dogs up onto their laps so that the dog is above table height, sniffing and whining at the food in front of them. Others surreptitiously pass food from the table to their pooch underneath, then (ugh!) think nothing about using said fingers to tear away at the communal bread basket a few minutes later.
Others I’ve seen sit their little doggy bottoms on the seating cushions. Nice. Not.

I think eating out is expensive and places serving food recognise this and consequently don’t wish to alienate any paying customer - hence ‘bring your dogs in!’. All they are bothered about is to see the receipts at the till. I understand their reasoning.

But as far as I’m concerned “paws should be firmly on the floor” ?

And hope there’s not too much growling, yapping or whining in that conservatory area!

I’d have gone for 3 in this scenario and expected no less at the end of the walk.

And hope there’s not too much growling, yapping or whining in that conservatory area!

And that’s just the humans!

For people who are not dog owners , the last place they would want to be is to have their lunch surrounded by dogs , as they do tend to sniff about looking for tit bits . There is a time and a place for everything, and this were a time to be dog free .

But the group went on a walk where it is normal and usual for dogs to be there.

It's a sweeping statement to say that dog owners don't want to eat where there are dogs. I often lunch, in fact I did yesterday, with friends who are not dog owners. My dog always comes along and my friends do not mind being around my dog or other dogs.

I've never been in a dog friendly cafe/pub/restaurant where dogs sniff about looking for tit bits. The dogs are always on a short lead, mostly asleep under tables after a good walk. Many times we have got up to leave after eating and people at nearby tables have said that they didn't even know my dog was there because she hasn't moved or made a peep.

Great pity you were unaware of the restaurant policy prior to going.

She was aware of the policy i.e. there were dog friendly areas. That, and the fact that the group take dogs on the walks/lunches is why she took her dog.

That made me laugh Maw! ?

Next time there's a walk I'd send a message to the group in advance saying your dog is impeccably behaved at the table and won't disturb anyone's meal. Then see who is kind enough to join you in the conservatory, and if no one does just forget the lot of them.

How would people who call the friends 'unbelievably rude' and similar feel if the OP had said she was a smoker and wanted to sit in a (mythical) smoking area with other smokers, and was then upset when her non-smoking friends declined?

The situation is different, but the principle is the same - one person expecting everyone to fall in line with her and being upset when they didn't.

Again, I would probably have relented and sat with the dog owner rather than leave her on her own, but I would have felt that my preferred option of a chatty lunch with a group of people (and possibly the chance to make new friends) had been missed. I know that bringing my dog (when I had him) would not have crossed my mind unless I had checked with others first that this would suit the majority and would fit around the eating arrangements. Had a table in the restaurant area been booked?

A “compromise” would have been for the OP to take her dog on the walk (what she wanted) and for the group to have a dog free meal in the restaurant (what they wanted).

Compromises are when both parties accept something of what the other wants.

Isn’t that what happened? They went along with one of her expectations, (I’m bringing my dog) but not with the other( and so we’ll all have to eat in the dog friendly place)

If she’d got her way, how would that have been compromise?

It would just have been one person dictating to the whole group how things have to be, to suit only her.

I'm very well behaved. Anyone fancy joining me?